I am with a guy who is WONDERFUL. He has his college degree, no kids, and joined the military as an officer.
He has a good job and great credit. He’s 25 years old, and I am 27 years old. I have 2 kids by the same guy and I have my degree as well. I own my own home, and I have a great job. Our relationship is wonderful. He respects me and I respect him.
We have been dating for about 2 years now and he has not met my kids yet. Not because he does not want to, but because my kids have an awesome dad and I was not looking for a dad for my kids, but a man for me. I don’t just bring anyone around my kids and we both decided that he will meet my kids soon.
Anyway, here is my problem. His mother lives in a different state and she wants to QUIT her job and move out here because she doesn’t want work anymore. And, she wants her son to take care of her, and he is ok with it. I am not okay with it. She has a house in their hometown that’s paid for and she has no health issues. She’s only 53 years old and she wants to retire. We have plans to move in together at the end of this year and I don’t want to deal with his mom. His only answer to me is that he will have to accept my kids, so I will have to accept his mom. I say uhm, no!
Do you think I am wrong? Because I am so strong-minded that I want to end things with him because I refuse to live with his mom. Any advice would be great. – His Mom Wants To Move With Him
Dear Ms. His Mom Wants To Move With Him,
Why are you willing to move in together and play house, and not get married? I don’t understand that logic. You are willing to play house, act like a married couple, and you want him to accept your children, as they will live with you in your home, so why can’t his mom move in and you accept her? Why are you talking about being a family, yet, you don’t want to accept his mother? He has to accept your children, so why are not comfortable with accepting his mom?
In two years he hasn’t met your children. They don’t know him, and he doesn’t know them. So, if you are planning to move in together and live as a big family, then, at what point do you plan on introducing your children to the man who will be living in the same house? And, what happens if he doesn’t click with your children? What happens if they don’t get along?
This situation is awkward. And, if you can’t figure it out then there is no need in moving in together, or even continuing a relationship. If you have a problem with his mother moving into his home, where he pays the bills, and she wants to be closer to her son and he is okay with it, then what business is it of yours? How can you dictate and tell him about what his mother can and cannot do in his own home? You haven’t even met her and you’re already creating a hostile situation.
If one of the fundamental conditions on relationships is about building with the potential of becoming a family, then how can you build if he hasn’t met your kids, who are an important part of your life, and you haven’t met his mother, who is an important part of his life? You’re fighting and drawing lines in the sand about what you won’t put up with, but you expect him to put up with your kids, and be open arms and step-dad to them?
Sorry, but you got this situation completely backwards. You can’t make demands and tell him what he can’t do, especially with his own mother, and then turn around and expect for him to embrace and accept your kids. What if your mom wanted to move in and he was like, “Oh, hell no!” Would you expect for him to bend and adjust because she is your mom?
Look, this relationship won’t last, and I’m sure it has put a bad taste in his mouth that you are being resistant to his mother moving in with him. I’m sure he’s made a note of it, and if you make it to the end of the year, it will be a relationship that is about to end. He is not going to ask him mom to not move in, and he is definitely not going to tell her that you don’t want her there. If you’re looking to create and build a life with him, then you’re going to have to accept all that comes along with him, just as you expect him to accept all that comes along with you.
Don’t burn the bridge with momma, especially since you haven’t met her. If that bridge is burned, then you will have no potential future with him. – Terrance Dean