Dear Bossip: I Work & Pay The Bills, Yet, He Sits Home And Does Nothing

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,

I’m writing because I feel like I’m wasting my life and I need advice from someone other than my friends.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and we have 2 beautiful kids together. Everything was great before I had the kids. We would go out all the time and he would shower me with gifts. He’s even the reason why I’m working now. He supported me and encouraged me to go back to school. But, he always throws it in my face that if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be where I’m at now. And, I need to be thankful and pay homage to him!

He doesn’t work, and when he does it’s off the books because he owes child support. I’m the one taking care of the house, the kids, and him all by myself. All he does is watch our 8 month old son. He says if the baby was in daycare he could work. But, he said the same thing about our daughter, and when I put her in daycare nothing changed! I don’t have money to put my son in daycare.

I stopped having sex with him because I’m upset that I’m doing everything by myself. And, I feel like he’s cheating on me because when I come home from work he goes out and stays out until the wee hours of the morning. I have seen where he’s been texting other females, and even though he says they are just friends I think it’s more.

I feel like I’m only with him so my kids can have a father. He has an older daughter that he does nothing for. He doesn’t even call her on holidays.

I need help, but I don’t wanna get another job or I will never see my kids. I feel like I’m a struggling single mother with a live in babysitter. What should I do? – Young and Confused

Dear Ms. Young and Confused,

The next time you come home and he goes out and stays into the wee hours of the morning, then, you pack all his –ish – clothes, sneakers, baseball caps, and whatever else he has little of, and you put them in the Hefty trash bags and set his –ish outside. You change the locks on the door. You change your number, and block his number from your phone. You don’t answer him on social media, and, as a matter of fact block him on all your social media. And, when he’s standing outside your home knocking and pleading to come in, because he will be crying outside your door, you call the police and tell them that you don’t feel safe with him around and you want a restraining order to keep him away from you and your children.

Then, you go to court and arrange for full custody of your children, and you put him on child support. You let the courts know he isn’t working, and he is not fit to care for your children and you would like to arrange supervised visits until he has a stable job, income, and home.

Girl, stop letting him lay this guilt trip on you that you wouldn’t be where you are and you wouldn’t have your job or education if it wasn’t for him. Tell him to have several seats with that bull-ish! And, if he’s so much of a motivator, then why don’t he motivate his own ass off the couch and get himself enrolled in school and get himself a job. Why won’t he motivate himself to be a better man and stop living off a woman? Why won’t he inspire himself to take care of his children and not allow you to be the only breadwinner in the home?

What lazy, trifling, ain’t –ish of a man would sit at home while his woman work, and they have two children at home? What type of role model does he see himself for his children? How trifling can he be that he will sit on his ass all day and have no qualms about you paying all the bills, the rent, buying the groceries, and taking care of two…no, three children? Yeah, he’s the father and should be taking care of his children, but he refuses to work. He refuses to contribute. He refuses to take part of his responsibility as a parent. He is of no use to you, or his kids. GET RID OF HIM!

Then, on top of everything.  while you’re at work this mofo is on his phone texting and communicating with other women talking about they are just friends. But, he disappears into the wee hours of the morning and comes home like ain’t –ish happening. Oh, hell naw!!! His ass needs to be searching for a job, getting money, and bringing home bags of groceries, things for the kids, and making sure you’re happy. But, he isn’t because he’s a piece of scum.

He’s so trifling that he doesn’t even take care of his eldest daughter. He is dodging full-time employment so he won’t have to pay child support. And, he is so sorry that he doesn’t even call his child, nor spend time with her. He’s a dead beat dad. And, just know he will do the same thing with your children that you have with him. He’s worthless. He ain’t –ish. He’s a bum. Get rid of him and stop saving him.

Finally, you don’t owe him a damn thing! He wasn’t in the classroom with you while you were taking notes, and passing the exams. He didn’t pass the courses. He didn’t pay for your education. You did all that. He just inspired you to go. And, the job you got he didn’t apply for it. He didn’t get you the job. He didn’t call the hiring supervisor and he didn’t have the connections to get you the job. You did that. So, no! You don’t owe him anything. He just encouraged you and supported you. And, for that you have paid him by going out there and doing it. So, thank him, and stop feeling guilty over it. His ole non-working, no money having, ain’t good for –ish sitting up there talking about you owe him. Tell him if it wasn’t for you then he wouldn’t be able to sit at home and do nothing all damn day because you pay all the bills. You take care of the household. You keep a roof over your heads, the lights turned on, and food on the table. And, because he isn’t contributing, and you want a man who is on your level, the level where he put you, then, it’s time for him to go. His services are no longer needed, required, or wanted. Bye fool! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!


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