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Dear Bossip,

I am in a big situation and I need help. Me and my husband have been together 3 years, but we got married 7 months ago.

Things started going bad about 5 months ago. However, this past month I found a sexually explicit video on his cell phone. He claims that it wasn’t him. He begged me to believe him and I didn’t know what to do so I kicked him out so I could think about everything.

A week went buy and he acted like he didn’t do anything. No guilt or anything. We have 2 children, we just got married 7 months ago, so I believed him and took him back. A month has passed and I have found on his G-mail account that he’s been looking for girls on Craigslist. He said that he hasn’t been doing it at all.

Also, I’ve noticed that he’s so cold with me sometimes. I hug him and tell him that I love him, but he instead pushes me away. I don’t know what to think. I really love him and he talks about us having a future, but he doesn’t show it at times. I don’t know what to do. – Not Feeling The Love

Dear Ms. Not Feeling The Love,

Uhm, ma’am, you find a sexually explicit video on your husband’s phone and he tells you that it wasn’t him. Well, who the hell is it? And, why does he have the video on his phone? I swear you women will have all the evidence, information, and details of your mate cheating, but will still question him over it and let him convince you that what you saw, heard, or know is not really what you saw, heard, or know. LMBAO!

So, you put him out and took him back because you are afraid of being alone and raising two children. You feel that you’ve invested in him and this relationship, especially after three years and he finally married you. Therefore, you dismiss what is obviously true, that he’s cheating, and hope for the best. You really want to believe him when he tells you that he wants a future with you, and to be there for his children. You really do want to believe this lie, so you convince yourself he will work at it, and he won’t cheat, or you won’t catch him again. So, despite him cheating, and you having evidence of his cheating, which is on his phone, you let him back into your life because you don’t want to be alone and you want to save face that your marriage is okay. SMDH!

Then, you catch your husband on Craigslist looking for women, and he claims it’s not him. Well, who the hell is using his G-mail account and searching for women? Please don’t tell me that someone hacked into his account, or his boy his using his email and he didn’t know what was going on. Or, perhaps, those are old emails and he hadn’t checked that account after he started dating you. Girl, your man is cheating. He’s sloppy at it, but he’s cheating. You’ve got him red-handed. Take the necessary steps and do what you need to do, and leave.

Now, you can get into marriage counseling, and talk about this with a licensed therapist. You can address the issue, and hopefully he will be honest. And, maybe you will get to the root of his infidelities, and how long he’s been doing it. Just know that this is not a recent occurrence and all this stuff you’re finding now did not begin within the past few months. This has been going on for years. You’re just now finding out about it.

You need to figure out how to get the marriage annulled and how to prepare for life with your two children without him. He doesn’t love you the way that you love him. He is not invested in this marriage, or your relationship. He is invested in you being committed to him, but he doesn’t want to commit to you. Notice that you shared how your husband is cold towards you. He pushes you away. What man does this to his wife? You’re still in the honeymoon phase of your marriage. It should be bliss. Lots of love, passion, and excitement. But, he doesn’t give you any of that. Trust your instincts. You know when someone is not in love with you. You know when you’re not being made to feel loved, or even liked. You need to re-evaluate your marriage and take the necessary steps in getting out of it. He’s showing you who he is, and what he’s about. You’ve caught him on two different occasions, and one of those times was an explicit video of him in a sexual situation. He’s cheating. Save yourself the headache, drama, and bull-ish and get out of this marriage. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

      

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