Dear Bossip: After We Were Intimate, He Says He Doesn't Know What He Wants

Dear Bossip,

So, here’s the deal: I met this guy 2 weeks ago at a football party. He has text me non-stop, even text good morning and good night every day.

Not to mention he text as soon as we get off work. I’m pretty sure he’s a player, but because I see the best in people I am not so good at being a judge of character.

Ok, so he asked to come over one night but then when I told him he couldn’t spend the night he changed his mind. Then he proceeded to say maybe we can do dinner and a movie one night this week. I said ok. That night came. I asked him what we were going to do and he said a lot of cuddling and kissing. I reminded him that he mentioned dinner and movie. Then he said he would cook for me. After I let him know that he had to bring whatever he was cooking he decided he wasn’t about all that. So, he came over and we just hung out in my living room talking and watching TV. Then he invites me to his softball game, so I go. Then the following Friday night I finally let him sleep over. We had sex, which wasn’t that great actually. Then he came over the next night to a party I was hosting. He spent the night again but we didn’t have sex. The next day (Sunday) he decided that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He went from wanting to date and possibly a relationship to not knowing. However, he says he doesn’t want to end things completely. I mean seriously? Thank you for your time. What do I do now? –  Holding Pattern

Dear Ms. Holding Pattern,

I think things are pretty cut and dry. He wants a steady booty call. He wants to make you one of his bed buddies. So, I’m not sure what you are missing or not clear about? I mean even Stevie Wonder can see this guy’s intentions. It’s not brain surgery or rocket science. He simply and only wants S-E-X!

Here’s a memo for all of you out there: IF YOU MEET SOMEONE AND THEY ARE TEXTING AND CALLING YOU LIKE CRAZY, AND, THEY DESPERATELY AND EAGERLY WANT TO GET TOGETHER AND HANG OUT AT YOUR, OR THEIR HOUSE, AND NOT ANYTHING IN PUBLIC, THEN, UHM, THEY DON’T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS WITH YOU. IT’S ALL ABOUT SEX.

But, let’s address this topic of texting; you people and these textual relationships. Do people actually call or dial numbers to hear an actual voice any longer? How can you develop and create a relationship with someone via text? Someone please explain this to me. And, the sad part is that it’s not just the younger generation, but some of you grown ass folks who are participating in this behavior. What the hell?!?!?! But, I digress.

And, another thing, when did dating become going to someone’s house, chilling, and the both of you know that you are horny asses, but you convince yourself that you have all this restraint and nothing is going to go down, but then guess what happens, you start kissing, fondling, and then panties come off and his drawers are off, and you write me saying, “It just happened.” SMDH! Dating is going out and observing someone’s behavior in public and interacting with other people. It’s about going to various places that you two have in common, or exploring new adventures together. It’s not going to someone’s house and sitting in the living room watching TV. Especially not on the first date. Ugh! I can’t with you people.

But, you obviously found something you liked about him because your dumb ass kept entertaining him and his conversation. So, ask yourself why after several conversations and him being clear about what he wanted that you let him come over, have sex with him, and then get upset when he says he doesn’t know what he wants anymore, but that he doesn’t want things to end between the two of you?

You left the door wide open (meaning your legs) with an invitation to your bedroom and bed, and now you want to clutch your cheap ass pearls and act like Ms. I Got Some Values And Morals And Self-Respect About Myself. LMBAO! I can’t do you today.

So, to answer your question of what to do now? Uhm, hmmm, do you want to be his booty call? Do you want to be his jump-off? Do you, and can you, handle a casual sexual relationship with him? You did state that his sex game was not all that, but I’m certain you can teach him and train him on how to handle you and your cooty-cat. LOL!

That man is not interested in anything more with you other than sex. He’s made that painfully and abundantly clear from the beginning. But, you, and like so many others don’t listen to when someone is telling you who they are and what they want. You figure if you can get them to see how holy and virtuous you are that they will succumb to your light and change their evil and trifling ways. Chile, miss me already.

He wants sex. You don’t. He wants to be friends with benefits. You don’t. What he’s communicating and expressing is not in alignment and part of your desires. Therefore cut your losses, move on, and make a note that this was a lesson learned. Know from this point moving forward that you need to listen and hear when a man is telling you what he wants. If he keeps stressing sex, sexual encounters, sexual contact, intimacy, cuddling, hugging, lounging, caressing, massages, or anything that requires body contact, then he is not interested in being in a relationship. He wants sex. Now, get back on the saddle, and mosey along. I’m certain there is a man out there who wants a relationship and will respect you and your body. – Terrance Dean

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