Boys With Unpopular, “Sissy” Names More Likely to Commit Crimes

A new study shows that men with feminine or unusual names are more likely to hold up a liquor store or pop a cap in somebody’s @ss:

Boys growing up with popular names such as Michael, Joshua and Christopher have a good chance of leading law-abiding lives. But young men named Kareem, Walter or Ivan could run afoul of the law.

That’s according to a recent study that claims the more unpopular, uncommon or feminine a boy’s first name, the greater the chance he will end up behind bars. While Shippensburg (Pa.) University professor David Kalist’s report in Social Science Quarterly shows that “unpopular names are likely not the cause of crime,” he explains that factors often associated with those names can “increase the tendency toward juvenile delinquency.”

Boys with unpopular, girlish or uncommon names often are ridiculed by peers, come from families of low socioeconomic status and face discrimination in the workforce based on a preconceived bias about their names, according to the study, which analyzed more than 15,000 names. Jay Corzine, chairman of the University of Central Florida’s sociology department, said he finds the study “fascinating.” He said family tradition often plays a part in naming a child and that the environment could affect a boy’s upbringing.

“Some kids could have a name that leads to teasing and being picked on and, in return, that child could become aggressive with others,” he added. While academics are intrigued, others are skeptical. “That’s ridiculous, but I do remember a kid in high school named Ezekiel, and we would call him ‘Zeke the Geek,'” said Cynthia Bezeer of Orlando. “He wasn’t so little and would always get in fights with other kids in the hallways. Maybe the teasing over the name really got to him.”

In short, stop naming little boys sh*t that will get their @sses kicked in grade school, and they may not end up at the top of the water tower screaming profanities and picking off random folks.