Dear Bossip: I’m Living With A Married Man, But He’s Still Taking Care Of His Wife

- By Bossip Staff

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Dear Bossip,

I have been living with a married man for 6 long years.

I have left him TWICE and came back believing that there is nothing between him and his wife.  He visits her (their) home at least weekly to visit the dogs. And, he fixes anything that she might need, car, house, etc. When we go out he is lurching at every female he sees. He locks his damn cell phone, and takes phone numbers with an excuse why for each one.

So, I left my home in Las Vegas for this clown 6 years ago – my home, my job, my family, and all the while he is sitting pretty with his life pretty much still intact, with one exception, he has ME to go places with, and to play mistress.

The problem is that I really cannot afford to get out on my own. I am scared once again that I just won’t make it. He told me and I quote, “I made a promise to my wife to be her friend and help her out. If you don’t like it leave!”

This dog has made my life miserable and now I am stuck once again with nowhere to go. And, I am financially struggling. All the while he pays ALL her bills. – Miserable Mistress

Dear Ms. Miserable Mistress,

You are throwing him under the bus and making him out to be this big bad villain who is taking care of his wife, and mistreats you and won’t make you feel as if you’re the only woman in his life. Yet, you picked up your life, gave up your home, job, and family to go live with a married man in another state, and you really think he owes you something? You really do think that things are going to be great, exciting, and wonderful because you’ve been sleeping with another woman’s husband for 6 long years? Girl, you are foolish and as dumb as your letter.

You are getting exactly what you deserve. He is treating you like a side chick, well, some side chicks do get treated better. He’s treating you like a live-in hoe. He doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. You devalued yourself the moment you began sleeping with a married man. You devalued your worth the moment you felt it okay to lay up with another woman’s husband, then, pack up your entire life and give it all up to live with a man who has told you that basically he is not going to stop taking care of his wife, and you need to get on board or leave. And, you chose to get on board. So, why are you complaining?

I’m curious to know why you would give up everything to go be a live-in mistress. Why? What were you hoping would change or what were you expecting? You really moved in with a married man and thought he would be faithful to only you! Really? SMDH! Women are that thirsty, and hungry for a man that they are moving in with married men now? If you’re that desperate for a man, then he will treat you any type of way because you don’t have any respect for yourself.

Now, you’re acting mad because when you and he are out he is lurching after women, taking numbers and giving you excuses for each one. Why are you mad? He’s been like that, will always be like that, and won’t change for you or any other woman. How do you think he got you? The same behavior he is exhibiting now is the same behavior he used to win you over, and he’s been like this for the 6 years you’ve been with him. HE HAS NOT CHANGED. You are just noticing it and complaining about it. Hell, you signed up for this. You let him get it away with it. If you left him twice and went back, then you made the choice to go back. You didn’t have to, but you went back. So, ask yourself, why? What did you think or expect to happen?

He is not going to change for you. His wife was smart enough to leave him, and she continues to take his money and gets him to come to their home and fix things, and I’m sure he’s taking care of other business too while he’s there. And, what’s sad is that he is still married, his wife knows about you and has resigned herself to this situation, and you got your bird ass living in his home and he’s told you to get on board or leave. And, you’re stewing mad because you expect him to be different, be monogamous and be a one woman man. Bwahahahahahaha! You are silly.

I don’t know any woman, any smart, intelligent, career-oriented and independent woman who would give up all her things to go live with a married man in another state. That doesn’t even make sense. That sounds dumb just typing it. Now, you’re mad and complaining because he is taking care of his wife financially, and the house they had/have together, and you’re struggling financially with nowhere to go. He’s probably sleeping with other women, especially if he is lurching after them in public while he’s out with you, and he’s collecting numbers. He is using those numbers. You’re just fool enough to believe his excuses, or fool enough to think he won’t step out on you. You think it’s a competition between you and his wife, and there is no competition. He’s made that known and so has wife. That is why he comes and goes to her home as he pleases, and he will keep coming and going without any resistance from you because you don’t have any claim over him. He’s told you that you have no say, no claim, no hold, and no authority over him. He is going to do what he wants to do. Welp, I guess you’re reaping the karma that you created. Get used to it, and this life of misery. You’re in hell, and it will only get worse. You can wake up, get out, ask for forgiveness from his wife, and yourself, and move out and try to get back your life. Or, you stay, continue to let him walk all over you, and just know that one day he may get tired of you and fed up and put you out. Then what? – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)***

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! 

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