I have known my best friend since were in elementary school, and now we are both in our early 30s.
So, naturally, we have been through a lot and talk to each other about everything. I met a guy on my birthday last year. We talked for like almost two months and then I moved to another city to start law school. But, in December, we started talking again and in January we became official.
Recently, my friend not only told me that she has a crush on my boyfriend, but she has repeatedly asked me for his number. After that happened I have been kind of keeping my distance. I don’t know how to proceed with our friendship because I feel like she doesn’t respect my relationship and that she would try to sleep with my boyfriend if she was anywhere near him. My cousin said I should respect that she came to me instead of going behind my back. I guess she has a point, but I still feel some kind of way. I don’t want her to feel like I’m picking a man over her, but seeing how she is blatant with her attraction to my man should I just keep my life with them separate, or continue to keep my distance like I have been doing? – Confused About What To Do
Dear Ms. Confused About What To Do,
Well, if your best friend is crushing over your man, and she knows that you and he are together, and she’s asking you for his number and telling you that she is attracted to him, then she is not your friend. What best friend do you know will disrespect your relationship by coming right out and asking for your man’s number and telling you she has a crush on him knowing that you’re in a relationship with him? That is some bold ass –ish!
Now, see, at first you may think she is joking, and punking you. “Girl, stop playing. I know he’s fine, and he’s a good catch. Glad you recognize.” But, for her to do this over and over again, the next words out of your mouth should be, “I’m going to need for you to back it up. Quit playing with me, and stay in your lane. This is my relationship, and he is off limits, and if you can’t respect this, us, and me, then, yes, I will cut you off.” And, no, you’re not picking a man over her, you’re just recognizing that your best friend doesn’t have any boundaries, and she is showing you her true colors – she will sleep with your man and feel it okay. Squash this today and put her in her place.
Yeah, your cousin may have a point that you should respect that she came to you and told you instead of going behind your back, but now you know who your enemy is, and now you know that you can’t trust your friend. So, hell to the no, you don’t bring them around each other, don’t invite your friend on dates with you, or to gatherings, or anywhere or anyplace where you and your man will be. She will slip her number to him, fawn all over him, and throw herself on him and she will do this right in your face, and be unbothered by it. That’s how bold she is because she is bold enough to ask you for his number, and bold enough to tell you that she is crushing on your man. No, you don’t trust her, and quite frankly you need to confront her instead of avoiding her.
Yup, confront her. Instead of avoiding her, you need to call her out and have a serious conversation with her about her inappropriate behavior, and soliciting you for your man’s number. You did state that you’ve been best friends since you were younger, and you’re now in your 30s, so I don’t understand why you can’t talk with your best friend and be frank and honest with her. Tell her how you don’t appreciate her coming to you asking for your man’s number, and that you don’t find it cute or appropriate that she is crushing on him and that she feels it okay to tell you these things and not think you will feel a way about it, or confront her about it. Girl code rule #1 is that you don’t go after your best friend’s man. You don’t flirt, ask for his number, socialize with him alone, attempt to date him or give googly eyes. And, nor do you even look at him romantically giving any indication that you are interested. He is off limits, period point blank.
Now, the fact that she is violating girl code rule #1 should let you know that doesn’t respect you or your relationship. She should know better. But, obviously it doesn’t matter to her, and she is going to get what she wants, and she is going to do it regardless of whether you like it or not. So, again, confront her, have a serious conversation with her, and express how it makes you feel that your best friend is disrespecting your relationship. Tell her that she is overstepping her boundaries, and her behavior makes you uncomfortable, and quite frankly you are starting to second guess your friendship. If she can do this to her own best friend, then you can only imagine what she would do to any other woman she is not friends with. – Terrance Dean
***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)***
Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: firstname.lastname@example.org Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!