I told a woman I love about how I cheated on her and now I’m afraid I will lose her for good.
I know. Sounds horrible and selfish of me and she has every right. How did this happen?
I got reconnected with my woman after years (we both work in the same field) and we hit it off. I was single as well as she and our friendship grew into a really cool relationship. I began to love a woman that I felt would never appear. Her talents and business also helped my business and things began to happen at such a fast pace.
Well, at the time we reconnected, an old client I used to work with came back and asked me to work with her again. I asked my woman should I do this again ‘cause I was burned pretty bad the first time (nothing physical, just bad business). She first objected as she knew it would lead back to no good. I wish I would have listened. But, I was bent on making sure that I would be in control and this time would be different. She trusted me, gave me her support and we began the project.
I introduced them as we would all be working together in some capacity. Then, I noticed my client was bothered by my woman as we would sometimes meet in her office. Either you’re going to be very impressed or very envious because she is accomplished. This is where my client began pursuit of me personally, as she wanted my full attention and she wanted what me and my woman was building. She began sending me photos to my phone to approve for marketing purposes, but they were all sexy half naked pics. I knew what she was doing and I allowed it as I was getting all this attention. Dumb young move. My woman isn’t crazy, but we began arguments about the late nights, inappropriate messages and other things. Added to the pressure of a business in startup, we ended up putting our personal relationship on hold.
We still moved forward as friends/partners in business, but just not intimate. During this time, I fell really short and slept with my client. I already know – not good. Afterwards, I was immediately felt guilt with myself ‘cause I was in my woman’s face consistently. I knew nothing good was going to come from this. I carried that guilt, but didn’t tell my woman ‘cause I knew that would hurt her real bad and I didn’t want to mess up the business. I just kept telling her don’t trust her. I carried that lie for 2 years.
Fast forward, me and the client are no longer working with each other, as expected. Me and my woman are talking as we both took time off to “get out stuff together” so to speak, but we’re on good terms. Yet, I found out that my ex-client has contacted her for another project. I’m immediately pissed and worried at the same time because I know it’s something funny about it. It’s a million other producers in L.A., why her? So, I confessed to her about what happened before the ex-client could and she’s so crushed right now. I lied to her about it, used and manipulated her to keep going for the needs of business and she didn’t have a choice in the matter. Her trust in me is completely shattered.
I didn’t look at it like that and now I feel extra bad. I thought I was protecting her, but I do see I hurt her worse in the end. I don’t know what to do now, but I will do everything to gain her trust and love her for life. It’s funny as she showed be this blog and we used to read your stories and discuss between us. Irony. Thanks for your time. Looking forward to a response. No wholes barred. – Trying In L.A.
Dear Mr. Trying In L.A.,
If you were burned by a client previously and it didn’t work out, and, yet, that same said client shows up again to work with you, then I don’t understand why you would do business with them, again! That doesn’t make any damn sense. And, if you asked your girlfriend what you should do and she was uneasy about it, but you proceeded, then you are a glutton for punishment. Why would you proceed? And, if you had to ask what you should do, then always, always, always, know it’s not a good idea. But, you didn’t even follow your own first damn mind. You were following the money. And, quite frankly, I wonder if you thought about sleeping with her previously. The fact that this client made a move on you, and you were in this amazing relationship with this dynamic woman who you claim was everything you desired, loved, and wanted, but somehow another woman slivers her way in between you two, then sir, you were not that in love, and she must not have been that amazing. I’m not buying this act you’re portraying, especially withholding the key and important matter in this situation that you slept with the client and never told your ex. Major side eye. Had this woman not shown up again, then we all know that you would have never confessed or revealed to your ex what you did. You would have gotten back into a relationship and acted as if nothing ever happened. Boy, you ain’t fooling nobody.
But, yet, here you all are, again, with this same woman showing up in your lives who caused havoc in your relationship, was the demise for your relationship ending, and somehow she maneuvers her way into working with your ex, and your ex is actually working with her. Do you all have any common sense? I mean, really!?! Are you that hard up for money that you’ll go against your better judgment and allow someone who is devious, and manipulative to continue to do more damage? Y’all sound basic!
Sir, you can’t be trusted. You lied to your ex for two years. Two damn long ass years! You could have told the truth way before this client showed up again, but you didn’t. So, no, you can’t be trusted. The fact that this client showed up again, for a third time in your life, and a second time with your ex, and you all are still doing business with her shows that you both haven’t learned the lesson.
If this woman was requiring all your attention, sending explicit and inappropriate photos to your phone, calling late at night, and you knew what she was up to, then you wanted it to happen, as you stated. You enjoyed and liked the attention, and finally, you were going to get what you wanted from her – some sex. And, since the opportunity, time, and means made itself available you couldn’t resist. You could have nipped this in the bud, and told her what she was doing was inappropriate, and that you conduct business during regular business hours. But, you didn’t. You allowed it to fester because this is what you wanted.
You had a choice, and you made a choice – and you chose to do what you did. You could have chosen differently, and you could have prevented all of this, but it’s obvious you can’t handle having multiple options.
Now, your ex knew what was happening, and ended it with you. Yet, you remained in a business relationship because you both needed one another, or some other sick –ish was going on. So, what I don’t understand is if your ex witnessed and knew that this client was the demise of your relationship, and didn’t approve of her behavior, then why would she allow this woman back into her life? This woman undermined your relationship. This woman sabotaged what you were working on. Therefore, why is your ex working with her? Maybe she was hoping that she would get the truth about what really happened between you and the client, or she would get answers to her suspicions. Trust and believe she had her suspicions that you two slept together. And, yup, she was right. Let’s be real honest and upfront here, the only reason you confessed is because you wanted to get a jump on the client just in case she told your ex first. Otherwise, you would not have said anything. You would have kept this secret, and continued pursuing your ex, trying to rebuild a relationship, and lying to her to her face. So, no, I don’t think you felt guilt for what you did, because if you felt guilt then you would have said something sooner, earlier, and dealt with it. SMDH!
If I were your ex I wouldn’t want to be bothered with you. I’d end and severe ties with you. It’s not worth the time or effort or business. You have totally destroyed the trust between you two, and you did so for the sake of your own ego. You jeopardized your friendship and business relationship because you were dishonest. Your only interest is in getting money, saving the business partnership, and saving face. You’re selfish. You’re deceptive. You’re manipulative. And, you’re a liar. How can you claim to love someone yet lie to them for two years? You didn’t tell your ex what you did out of guilt. You told her out of fear she would find out from someone else. Boy, bye!
Why don’t you end your pursuit of her, end your business relationship, go your separate ways, and just remain friendly, as you two work in the same industry. You ruined what could have been a great relationship, great partnership, and great business. You destroyed that once you decided to go against your better judgment. You don’t have the smarts or intelligence to walk away from danger, especially if you know something is dangerous. Work on yourself. Work on answering the questions of why you would get involved with someone who did you dirty and burned you, but you felt the need to work with them again. Would you sacrifice your morals and judgment for money? Can you separate and keep business from personal? Do you think you can be trusted? At what point and at what lengths are you willing to jeopardize your own self-interests for your desires and what you want? – Terrance Dean