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Black woman angry

Dear Bossip,

I just got out of a relationship. It was good times and some bad times.

But, what really broke it off is that we had trust issues. We started accusing each other of things. We have a child together and this is both our first born child. Our son is 8 months old, and we been broking up for almost three months.

After he walked away from us he got a girlfriend a week later. And, I still have feelings involved, so I was really hurt about it and we started hating each other. But, he did do for his son every time I ask for diapers. He will bring them to me, including anything I asked.

Then, he got into trouble just two months after we broke up. He got charged with 8 felonies and a bond of $350,000. So, now he wrote me letter, and what he wrote was the truth because he was going through everything I told him that he would go through. And, I’m thinking that he’s trying to get back with me and my son. But, he still tells this girl all this other stuff so that he can get out. He hasn’t asked me for nothing and I’m not going help him with nothing. He does still continue to call and check up on me and son. He even told me that when he gets out it’s going be some changes. So, right he is using her to get out. I want to know do you think he’s going change for the good or is it just jail talk? – Waiting On Changes

Dear Ms. Waiting On Changes,

Deep. Heavy. Sigh.

The man that you have a newborn child with, and the same man that you broke up with has been dating another woman he started seeing a week after your relationship ended three months ago and you are asking me if he is going to change for good and be with you. SMDH!

Sweetie, he is in jail facing 8 felonies and he has a bond of $350,000. I seriously doubt that you or his new girlfriend has $350,000 sitting in your bank account to bail him out. And, if you did, then I do hope you would not spend it on him and would invest that money into something more profitable and beneficial for you and your child. But, I digress.

Girl, let’s get a few things straight – 1.) He is not getting out of jail anytime soon. So, he can write, call, text, and send smoke signals all he wants. With 8 felonies he will be in jail for some time, and I suggest that you don’t wait on him, and that you move on with your life. There is nothing he can do for you while he is locked up. You should consider it a blessing that you ended the relationship right before he got locked up. Now, you can easily walk away and go and do you. Besides, didn’t your relationship have trust issues, and you both were accusing one another of infidelities? And, let’s be very very clear – if he got into another relationship a week after you broke up, then, I’m certain he had been dating the other woman while he was with you. Don’t be foolish and naïve.

2.) Since he is writing letters from jail and confessing the truth because what else can he do? He has nothing but time on his hands. He will be writing letters for the next couple of years. Jail humbles a man real quick. And, you are correct, it is jail talk. All of a sudden he comes to the realization that he needs to be honest and upfront with you. Well, what about prior to going to jail? Why wasn’t he so honest and upfront then? Why did it take him getting arrested and sitting in a jail cell to come to his senses? Please don’t fall for the ole okey-doke. He is only remorseful because he wants you to feel sorry him. He has time to think and be with himself, and he realizes he made some mistakes. Well, now he will be able to work on himself in jail and hopefully get himself together when he finally gets released.

3.) He hasn’t asked you for anything because he knows you can’t give him anything.

4.) Ma’am, he is not going to change or make any changes when he gets out of jail. He is going to resort back to the same –ish and the same drama he put you through. If he was really about change and making changes, then don’t you think he would have done this before he got locked up? He has 8 felonies, thus, this means he knew he was involved in criminal activity and he was willing to gamble his life and take his chances. Well, it looks like he gambled and lost. Let him go. Move on.

I do hope that you will take this time to really reflect on yourself, your life, and your goals and dreams. What do you want for yourself? What is it that you really need to make a better life for you and your son? You need to think about your future and your child’s future. Put him on child support while he is locked up, and get full custody of your child. A man in jail cannot do anything for you. Please work to get yourself together, and become a better woman, a better person, and an even greater and better parent. You owe it to yourself and to your child. You obviously walked away from your ex because he wasn’t giving you what you need. So, just know that he cannot and will not be able to give you what need today, tomorrow, or in the future. He left you and is already with another woman. Why do you want to be with someone like that? I know you are not that desperate. Are you? – Terrance Dean

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