Dear Bossip: I Think It’s Time To End My Friendship Because She Isn’t Supportive

- By Bossip Staff

Anxious African American woman frowning

Dear Bossip,

I am in my early 20s and have been friends with this one young woman since we were in 6th grade.

Recently, there have been some things that she’s done that make me question her friendship. A few years back one of her uncle’s did something to me that have caused me to suffer from PTSD. When I finally got up enough courage to tell her what happened, she didn’t believe me. We continued to be friends, so I guess she just brushed it off.

Last year on my birthday me, her, and our other friend took a trip. We attended this event with a huge crowd. I heard people make very hurtful comments regarding my appearance. The comments were so bad that I cried and became depressed the rest of the trip. Instead of being a supportive friend she said I embarrassed her. I repeatedly tried explaining to her she didn’t hear what I heard and how I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t. She ignored me and even vented to her boyfriend about the “scene” I caused. Since that whole situation I’ve been keeping my distance. Is it time to end our friendship or should I try to figure out why she treats me this way. – Time To End This Friendship

Dear Ms. Time To End This Friendship,

Yes, it is time to let it, and her go. She is not your friend. She is your enemy, and you should know this as you end this friendship.

Your friend has refused to have your back in critical and crucial times. When you shared with her what her uncle did to you, and she didn’t believe you, that is when you should have ended the friendship. And, she may have chosen to not believe you because he is family, and you are just a friend. However, if he did something so vile and so traumatizing to cause you to suffer from PTSD, then she should have been more concerning and more supportive. She would have asked more questions, and helped you to seek help and resources. And, perhaps even to confront her uncle. But, she dismissed your claims and in essence she dismissed your allegations. She didn’t have your back. She chose her family.

Then, the second incident in which people were making disparaging comments about your appearance and she blamed you and stated that you embarrassed her, well, again she sided with others and dismissed you and made you out as the bad guy. She didn’t have your back. As a matter of fact, she became like the other people and basically blamed you for causing her embarrassment. She is not your friend. She didn’t come to your defense. She didn’t come to your aid. She didn’t even support you or show any concern. She told her boyfriend about it and blamed you. Let her go.

I’m glad that you distanced yourself, and that you are reevaluating your relationship with her. That is very smart. You need this space and time to reflect and consider everything that has been going on. Because, to be honest with you, she is your enemy. She doesn’t wish you well. She doesn’t even like you. She despises you and is probably using you. And, I wonder if she didn’t believe what you told her about her uncle is that she may have experienced something similar by him. Maybe she is denial, and doesn’t want to confront the demons and brushed it off because she has done so for so many years. I am just speculating, but I do wonder if it something similarly did happen to her.

Hell, she may very well be jealous of you. She may envy you for some reason. And, I bet it is a combination of the two.

Look, you don’t owe her anything, and if anything you have reached out to her for support and to be a friend in your times of need. She has repeatedly shown you that she doesn’t care about you, what has happened to you, and what others do to you. She doesn’t have your back, and she isn’t supportive, nor does she know how to be engaged with you as a friend with compassion and concern. You don’t need a friend like her. You don’t need a friend who is going to beat you down when you’re already down. You don’t need a friend who is not going to believe you or support you. You don’t need a friend who is emotionally unavailable, and unconcerned about your feelings and well-being. So, dump her, move on, and find new friends who are loving, supportive, trusting, and can be there for you as you are for them. – Terrance Dean

***(Attention all media/news outlets, if you use this story and letter, or any parts of this content for your outlets you must give credit to this site, the columnist, and his advice)***

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!
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Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
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