Dear Bossip: She Keeps Asking For Money, But She Won't Show Me The Bills Or Payments

Dear Bossip,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year.

In February, I took emergency custody of my 3 children, from another woman, and we moved into my girlfriend’s home. At the time, I was not aware that her home was in foreclosure. She also did not pay the trash bill, so it was cut off, and her electric bill was overdue.

I was being treated at the time for a broken back, and as a single dad receiving TANF and Food Stamps, I was paying her $500 in rent as well as purchasing groceries.

My girlfriend’s dad had just won a large settlement and he blessed her by paying off her vehicle, getting new brakes on the car, along with new tires, tune up, oil change, etc. He also got her home out of foreclosure. He sent her $1,100 that he got back on the payoff, and she told me that her house payments were now $850, although, she has never once shown me proof of this. So, I felt good about paying a bit more than half the rent. A man hearing our plight caught the electric bill up for us and I believed all was going well. When her car needed $1,000 worth of repairs recently her dad told her he was done helping her, and that she needs to figure things out on her own.

Recently, she told my father that she was almost 4 months behind in the mortgage payment again, the electric bill as well, and she had no car insurance until recently. I asked her how that could be when I give her almost $1,000 a month between rent and groceries. She has no car payment and makes around $1,200 a month, plus another $600 in child support for her son. I discovered she has a $400 cell phone bill between herself and her daughter as I pay mine as a pre-paid card every month. My mom pays for my children’s basic cell phones.

When I ask to see her mortgage bill or the electric bill she gets upset and starts a huge argument or runs to my parents crying to them. My mom has told her repeatedly they are not getting involved and they are NOT giving her money. And, my mom has told her we need to sit down and she needs to be honest with me on her bills and to stop spending money on her daughter to look like they have money when they don’t. Her daughter wears PINK, HOLLISTER, GUESS, etc. My kids, on the other hand, wear JC Penney sales!

Last month, I told her I was no longer giving her any money and I would purchase all the groceries. I paid $300 towards the electric bill and received a receipt amount stating the remaining amount due was $300. But, I believe that was due to the clerk putting in the amount I was paying. Since I am not on the bill, I cannot get access to the balance, and as stated above, when I ask to see the balance she blows up. I have told her she needs to learn to pay her mortgage, car insurance and gas before anything and I will do my best to catch up with the electric bill.

Tonight, I asked her that when she got the car insurance, if she had me put on it so I could drive. She said she did since I paid for it, but when I asked to see the proof of this she blew up at me. I have a feeling she either did NOT get insurance of didn’t add me onto it.

I am at a loss as to what to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to get her to be honest about her financials? I have even asked her to go with me to our pastor and she refuses.

I do not have a car. I should be hearing from disability soon and if I am approved then I will get an initial payment of a little over $1,000 a month. My girlfriend has already asked me if I am giving it to her for the mortgage. I told her no because I need a car, as my mom cannot keep running me all over while my girlfriend is working. As one can guess she got angry and told me I OWED her that money. I told her for all I know her dad paid off her mortgage as I have no proof of anything.

I love this lady, but I told her recently that if she can’t be honest with me and sit down and show me where her finances are, I am going to have to move out. – Her Money Is Funny

Dear Mr. Her Money Is Funny,

She is using you. She is taking your money and spending it on herself and her daughter. She is pocketing your money, and milking you for all you got. She is manipulative and deceptive. She lies about her finances. She lies about what she owes. She lies to take your money and spend it on herself. Thus, she is a thief. Yes, she is stealing your money, and not being honest about her finances, her bills, what she owes, and what she doesn’t owe. And, you, sir, are a dumba** for giving your money to someone without seeing any receipts, statements, bills, or having access to her mortgage statements, electric bills, and car insurance.

And, you, sir, are a dumba** because you can call the car insurance to see if you have been added. Hell, they can tell you if you are on someone’s insurance. If you have the details of her insurance, the policy number, then you will know if you are added to her insurance. But, we all know, YOU ARE NOT ON THE INSURANCE. Also, that balance on the electric bill when you thought the cashier put in the amount wrong, it was actually the balance. You better learn how to read statements and bills. And, if you were unsure if she put it in accurately, then, you should have asked her before you left. She would have told you that it was the remaining balance.

Also, you are paying her $500 a month for rent. Uhm, hmmm, her mortgage is $850. You are paying more than half, sir. Why? Oh, it’s because she is charging you and your three kids to live there, so she jacked up the rent. And, since you have more mouths to feed, well, of course you should be responsible for the groceries. But, if you are shelling out close to $1,000 a month to her and the household and she is still 4 months behind in the mortgage, the electric bill is overdue, and she has no car insurance, but claims she put you on it and that she is paying it, then, Mr. Money Pockets, you should use your common sense and deduce that she is using you. She is taking you for a ride, and is taking your money for her own gain. It is not rocket science. You know better. You know something is wrong, especially if she gets upset when you ask her to see these bills, statements, and payments. Why is she so angry, and she gets so upset when confronted about paying these bills? Why does she want to start a fight with you when you ask for proof of these bills and payments? What is she hiding? What is she keeping from you?

Look, don’t give her another damn dime. Don’t pay another bill, or purchase anything until you see some bills, some statements, and some payments made on these bills. Don’t shell out any more money. NONE AT ALL! Stop being a fool. Stop allowing her to take advantage of you. Stop giving her your money and you have nothing to show for it. Stop allowing her to manipulate you, deceive you, and dig into your pockets. In other words, stop playing the victim when you know better. You know she is not paying the bills. You know she is not paying the mortgage. You know your name is not on her car insurance. And, you know damn well that the electric bill is still overdue.

Stop saying you love her. You don’t. She has given you a place to stay for you and your kids. You were in a bind and you needed a place that was affordable for you and your kids. You knew that by moving in with her that you would be spending far less money with her than moving into an apartment with your three kids. You are giving her $500 in rent. Please tell me where you can find an apartment, or house, for you and three kids for $500 a month? You’re both using each other. So, please be honest about that. You are using her for a cheap place to live with your three kids. She is looking for a sugar daddy, or, a man who is dumb enough to give her money because it’s obvious she is not good with her finances. She lied to you all this time about her living expenses, her finances, and her economic situation. She is broke, has bad credit, and untrustworthy with money. She uses everyone around her. She used her father and he paid off her bills. She is trying to use your parents to give her money, but they know better and are hip to her games. You’re the only fool still shelling out money to her. So, sir, stop blaming her and playing the victim. You both are using one another. And, just because you give her money that doesn’t equate to love. You are giving her money because you want to prove something to her. Stop it. You can’t prove your love, your worthiness, or your commitment by giving someone something. She doesn’t care about you, your love, your worthiness, or your commitment. She is only concerned about the money you are giving her, and she wants more of it.

Please get out of this relationship. It is a dead end. It is not worth it. She is taking from you and taking out of your pocket and the mouths of your kids. A woman that thirsty and that desperate to take your money and use it for her own gain and not care about you or your kids is a woman you don’t need in your life. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!