John Urschel Is Your Dream Bae
John Urschel is an NFL player for the Baltimore Ravens. He’s a guard and a big star. But he’s way more than that. He’s bearded!
Just kidding. He’s more than even that. He’s got 4 A’s at MIT of all schools. So when he’s done with football he’ll still be making tons of money. He’s girthy. He’s smart. He’s making money. Thirstbuckets start your engines.