Dear Bossip: He Had 3 Kids By 3 Different Women During Our 13 Years Together & I'm Tired

Dear Bossip,

I’ve been with my boyfriend on an off for 13 years.

We have no children together, but he has 3 children from 3 different women. He wants me to trust him and be in a committed relationship, but I can’t find it in my heart to believe him. My boyfriend had his first child when I was 4 months pregnant when he told me. I stressed myself out and miscarried. I moved to Atlanta for 2 years to clear my head from him. Within one year of living in Atlanta we still kept in contact and I found about his 2^nd child from a different girl.

I moved back to our home town, and we worked things out. We recently moved in together and I found out about his 3^rd child that he didn’t tell me about, when I asked him about it he says the child is two years old and the reason he didn’t tell me is because he didn’t know when the time would be right to tell me. So, he has 3 daughters ages 5, 4, and 2 years old. All of the baby mother’s are seeking child support payments from him. He claims he is not with this ghetto stuff and he could care less about being on child support, he wants nothing to do with any of the mothers.

He tells me all the time I need to trust him and that he has changed. He says that he is not doing anything with any other women, and that he is done hurting me. He tells me all the time my insecurities are hurting our relationship. But, I still cannot trust him. When his phone rings I think it’s another woman. When he leaves the house I think he’s going to make another baby. I don’t know how to get over this hurtle. Help me please! – Lost and confused

Dear Ms. Lost and Confused,

Let me get you right together because I don’t have time for this foolishness tuhday! This ole’ ghetto hood behavior infiltrating my inbox. This is not Love and Hip Hop: Bossip!

Girl, I hope you are not seeking nor wanting any sympathy from me or anyone else. No one feels sorry for you because you’ve allowed this to go on for 13 years! Why would you stay with a man who has had three children by three different women and he refuses to take care of or support his children? You’re the dumba** that’s still with this man after 3 kids with 3 different women, and you know about them. GET THE FREAK OUT OF HERE!

This fool sat up here and told you that he is done hurting you. HUH? What the hell? He’s done?!? Why did he start in the first place? Why would you hurt someone you’re in a committed monogamous relationship with? So, because he’s tired and done with hurting you he wants you to forget and overlook all his past infidelities? He just wants you to overlook what he has put you through and done to you? Girl, please. Dump this a**hole!

And, ma’am, let me ask what is your breaking point? When is “enough” really “enough?” When will you get tired? When will you say you’re better than this and that he doesn’t deserve someone like you?

If you’re worried that every time his phone rings and it’s another woman, then guess what, IT IS ANOTHER WOMAN! If you’re worried that every time he leaves the house he is going to make another baby, then guess what, HE IS GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER BABY! If you don’t trust him, then why are you with him? And, I don’t want to hear that sorry lame ass line either, “But, I love him.”

He is not going to change. He is lying when he says that he is not doing anything with any other women. He is lying when he says he is done hurting you. HE IS A LIAR. HE IS A SERIAL CHEATER. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. He is who he is. He needs to accept that, and you have to accept the truth.

When a person can go out and carelessly sleep with various people with no protection, and no regard for their own life, then what makes you think they even care about you and your life? If he lies to himself, then he has no problem lying to you. If he doesn’t care about those women, and the kids he helped to produce, then he cannot possibly care about you. He has no regard for human life.

Girl, please tell me you were joking when you discovered the third child that he didn’t tell you about for two years, and he said he didn’t know when the time would be right to tell you about the child. The hell you mean you didn’t know the right time to tell you about a child and two years have passed. He wasn’t planning on ever telling you. If you hadn’t discovered the child he would have never said anything to you about the child.

And, sweetie, he may not care about this ghetto stuff, but his trifling ass is ghetto! He’s up in the ghetto sharing his nasty community d**k with women, but, yet, he’s so above and beyond all this ghetto stuff. LMBAO! I can’t! Ma’am, he is having unprotected sex with random women, including you, and you’re asking me what you should do? Really? Really! How about get tested for STD’s and STI’s. Herpes is a lifelong disease, as well as HIV.

Then, this clown has the nerve to say he’s not concerned about child support, and wants nothing to do with the mothers. He is a damn fool. Those women, and his children, are going to be in his life FOREVER!  I hope they make his life a living hell! And, I hope they take all his damn money. He may not be concerned about child support, but his baby’s mommas are concerned, as well as the courts. I hope they take every dime he makes. And, if he refuses to pay, then I hope they lock him up! He wants to run around throwing the ‘D’ raw, but he doesn’t want to pay for the consequences of his reckless actions? Yeah, right!

Why would you stay with a man who has repeatedly cheated on you, lied to you, and deceived you? Why would you stay with a man who has not one, not two, but three children during your 13 years of dating? Why would you stay with a man for 13 years and you’re not married? Girl, if he was so serious about you, and serious about being in a relationship, then he would have married you a looooooong time ago. If he is serious about being a committed man, he would have been committed from day one and not 13 years later. But, you’re laying up and playing house with this trifling no-good man.

You truly have no self-esteem. No self-worth. No love for yourself. No value. No nothing. You’re just…sigh…SMDH! No matter what I say. No matter what I tell you, you’re not going to do anything but lay there and keep worrying, hoping, wishing, and praying that he will change, hoping that one day you’ll be able to trust him. You’ll keep taking him back when he makes baby four, five, six, and seven because he’ll tell you that you don’t trust him, and that he you make him uncomfortable and he has nowhere to turn. Until you’ve reached a breaking point, and until you’re tired of being tired, then one day you will leave. Right now, you’re not at that point. You’re just frustrated. When you get tired of being a doormat, letting him use you, lie to you, beat you down, and cheat on you. And, the realization of him having three children with three different women and him having to pay child support, and that he cannot do anything for you, and that you dedicated 13 years to him with nothing to show for it, then hopefully you’ll muster the strength to let him go and start over. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean:  loveandrelationships@bossip.com  Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter:  @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click HERE!

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria   Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!