What’s With the Divide Brothas and Sistas?

- By Bossip Staff

Good day, Bossip readers! Today we want to take a moment and spark some discussion and, hopefully, further thought on a touchy subject nowadays. In light of some of the posts we’ve recently published, the responses have left the Bossip staff asking “Damn, is that how you really feel?” Comments from men who say “I don’t do darkies, Kim K is my kind of skin tone.” To women who say, “see, that what’s wrong with black men, y’all suck! Let’s send them all away to far away lands.” While this is a blog filled with posts that are meant to entertain, the commentary clearly displays a divide between the black man and woman, but why? It’s clear that black men and women are quite disappointed in each other – black men feel emasculated by black women and black women feel demoralized by black men it seems. But can we ever bridge the gap and love one another again? Or is this a divide that will continue to widen with time? Bossip took some time to ask brothas and sistas what fuels the anger between the genders in Black America and this is what they had to say:

Well, you know, I heard on the radio that only 33 percent of Black women are married, and that frightened me. I have four daughters and me and my wife have been together for 33 years now. Only two of my girls are married and I worry that the other two won’t find a suitable partner because neither are willing to date outside the race, I don’t believe. I think some young black men would say that most black women are angry, but they have every right to be. When I was dating my wife, she took me through the ringer, man. This is before cell phones and pagers and all that, so if I said I was going to be at her house at 2 o’clock and I showed up at 2:30, she’d be gone, house empty. [laughs] I had to work to get her attention and, once I did, I was a proud man. She was so beautiful, intelligent, educated, came from a good family, so I knew I had to come correct or not at all.  But young black men today don’t want to work for much of anything, and it’s sad. Why shouldn’t a black woman want the best from a black man? A black woman’s love is the richest of any kind and the man who receives it should be deserving and willing to work for it. Black men, as a group, need to step up to the plate of manhood and that will, without a doubt, win a black woman’s heart, mind and soul. You have to be a man and, unfortunately, a lot of young black men haven’t been taught to be a man or how to love a woman.  -Frankie, 61, CEO

Black men feel that black women fuel the divide for sake of face or “what is cool.” If the black man is not making 100,000  a year and is not a Tyson Beckford look-a-like, he has no chance with a successful black woman. As a matter of fact, they look down on us because of that and ridicule black men and that is a turn off in itself. So, when you do meet a black woman they beat the dog mess out of you for the hell of it if you are not as schooled or as wealthy. The part that is a trip is…men can be successful on so many levels, but black women(not all of course) seem to only see the superficial, and less of the potential in a man. Relationships are a work in progress at all times. You may get with someone and both of you ain’t sh*t, but you might inspire each other to do better and rise through the ranks together. I’m not sure black women are up for the struggle anymore. – James, 33, Writer

Yea, the divide is pretty wide, right? Well, I don’t think I’ve really ever taken the time to analyze what fuels it. Hm. I think that black women want to see more from us but we want to see more from them as well. Like I don’t feel like I should have to disclose to her how much money I have sitting in my back account before I can take her out. I think that the media plays a large role in this too, though. Since this whole “baller” era has taken hold of our generation, standards have changed, brothas don’t want to get a real job, they’re busy in the studio making beats and writing rhymes. The entire fantasy of fast money has taken hold of us I think. Fast money equals fast love, but it’s quite the opposite if you want something worthwhile. I don’t think black women understand that most of us work for the things they want – big cars, big houses, big jewels – and we may not have those things when you meet us, much less want them. That’s not to say that we don’t strive for greatness but it’s more than a car and “ice.” Black women seem to be dissatisfied with us for the most part and I think it’s safe to say, that real black men are turned off by their superficiality. -Brian, 28, Investment Broker

I think black men and women are competing against each other to a point where it’s a hinderance. Pride and ego is basically what it is. The moment you get into it or y’all fall out, the first thing out of a black woman’s mouth is “I don’t need you!” Or, “this is my house, my car, my this and my that,” and it’s like I get that you’ll be fine without me but I’ll be fine without her too, and her mouth. No man ever wants to hear that his woman doesn’t need him. We totally get that she’ll be fine without us, but she has to remember a black man’s pride is to be handled delicately. Because if a black woman won’t, another woman will, and that’s why a lot of black men are turning to other races, and that’s a totally different conversation in itself. – Jason, 34, Electrical Technician

Look for Part 2 from the Sistas P.O.V. tomorrow!

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Comments

  • Pardon Mi Swag

    SAD…

  • Jessica

    Let the bashing begin. . .

  • BIANCA

    Here we go…

  • PUSSYCATFUN

    OOPS”…I MEANT “WILL”

  • manster

    The first step is admitting that we both are to blame, then what? If neither party is willing to step up to the plate and accept responsibility, things will never change. Brothers want fast money and frown on education, sisters want the guy with the “swag” and a little “thug” in them. When both get past thirty they then say Uh-Uh, where did i go wrong. Sisters, keep your leg closed and don’t make unwanted babies, brothers need to step up and accept responsibility and embrace education and intellectualism. There is so much more, but that’s my 2 cents!

  • nickfudge

    in response to the first comment in the article: i agree men have to be men but women have to be women too…if a man is giving his all to win over a woman …a woman should be doing the same…otherwise it’s a lopsided relationship …so NO i will NOT give my all unless she is too…

  • PUSSYCATFUN

    UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    @I’M SO AND SO…..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    I NEVER DATED OUT SIDE MY RACE (BLACK)…I WAS JUST SAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!

    GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Kristal

    I don’t really care about this. I don’t even date black guys so I could care less.

  • jakeylakey

    Well I’ll blame the Willie Lynch philosphy america ran with as the foundation for the majority of our problems but I blame us for the rest. The lazy & stubborness that we have. I don’t demasculate black men because I love them. I was raised by my black mom and dad. I was privileged to have black love & trust & open communication surround me growing up. Therefore I honestly can’t see dating anyone outside my race. Let’s just say my juices don’t flow for nothing but black men. But I am hesitant to let all feelings show without the thought that he’s opposed to being 100% honest after witnessing all my friends failed relationships & the doggy dog ways they were treated. But a man/woman can only go as far as you let em. I don’t give em an inch. (sad)

  • nickfudge

    and also from what i’ve seen in the dating field, black women do no want a good black man anyways…these men are usually marrying other races of women…while black women marry the lowest grade of black men…for instance, you take a professional black guy who actually knows how to speak ENglish…a lot of black women are turned off by this…however a WHITE female is turned ON…case closed…

  • Resurrected

    Meritamen

    I agree but at some point you have to be smarter about life and what type of information that you are letting in and I feel that strain sometimes when I come on here and see the many negative images and thoughts of black woman in the mind of the black men… To me men think that as woman we are suppose to deal with anything and everything that they choice to dish out… They have a very unrealistic view of consequences and the damage there they choice to bring into there home life… I am going to continue to be a black woman who would rather get my own but even in that light it will always be a new excuse… Even with so many women not even knowing what it is like to have a man in your life men are still very mean and careless you there position… I am not going to say that I don’t need a man but no you don’t need someone who is not willing to add to the picture except for in negative ways and light… Yes we do let a lot of outside forces dictate to use what we should think and feel but only the ignorant really like that very selfish message… This truth for me is that black men has been acting out in very self-centered, egotistical, prideful and selfish ways and not unfortunately the woman are starting to follow these same tactics.. Now days we have an ever younger generation that is now about to take on a very self destructive message and it is ruining the world but no one will care until the last day and moment of time when it will be too late… I am just going to live my life with the belief factor that God is about all and that he can still send the right kind of man my way. It is not easy for the everyday woman who has to be the new age woman in every way but the old age woman when it comes to sexing her man and while not bruising his ego to me it is too much and way more that the average shows that he is willing to give..

  • Love Is The Answer

    I like what the second guy said about the whole baller era. I really think that has alot to do with the problems we have. Women and men chasing money. Not a good thing. Instead of coming together to build an empire.

  • bossip bs

    yea its like that!

  • Im so in so, Im this im that!

    lmmao@bman!

  • Yeah I Said It Now STFU

    Lord, this topic is like beating a dead horse.

    Next..

    *Yawn*

  • Love Is The Answer

    I also think that the break up of the blak family has alot to do with it. Single parent homes. Men without fathers really dont know how to grow up and be men. Women without fathers dont know what to look for in a man. And they jump down with the first guy whos gives them any attention because they are looking for ‘daddys love’ that they never got. Just my opinion.

  • Shoni

    Brothas and sistas don’t hate each other, It’s just, we don’t know how to communicate with one other. Instead of finding out what he/she needs in the relationship, we prefer to do what we think is best.Sistas have to learn to be supportive and submissive to the brothas. Yes submissive, and no, not taking us back “in a 40 years kind of way” and brothas have to stand up and be strong leaders in the household.

  • SHELLEY

    YOU SISTAS BETTER STOP WASTING TIME WITH THEM BUSTED BROTHERS AND GET THE NEW IMPROVE BRO….BUT BY THE TIME SISTAS FIGURE IT OUT. LATE AS USUAL YOU’ll BE ANOTHER STATISTIC.

  • Love Is The Answer

    @ Im so in so, Im this im that!

    Another limted ignorant individual. Im so sad for you. You have no idea about life and what it takes to make it. Stop picking up partners at the club and you might find something decent.

  • Resurrected

    nickfudge

    I am nothing like most of these comment but would that change a mans mind no.. I think that problem is that most men only date and go after the same kind of woman the one who are easy or have no real life standards and then when they met a woman and see’s that it require a different game plan they don’t want to do the work… So what better way to tear the black woman down but then to make her seem crazy and unworth just for one view of perception … This world is not about man or woman but both of us together.. To me a black man shows me that for all the love and time that I will or may choose to give you, you will never give me the same consideration and you are right no one has to deal with that…

  • jakeylakey

    I’ll just say I don’t need you to have a lot of money, I just need you to not ask for any of mine.

  • bman

    Love Is The Answer

    IF BE I AM FOR REAL BE NEAR TO YOU I AM 100% WOULD BREAK TO YOU THE FACE!

  • IT'S A MANS WORLD!!

    These chicks need to stop looking for a meal ticket and become real black WOMEN. It’s not just black WOMEN, it most women. Society brainwashes these females and makes them think they deserve to be handed whatever they want.

  • lalalalala

    (In most cases) My experience has been that Black men are so insecure that instead of being themselves, they feel the need to try to belittle successful black women. They are antagonistic and unpleasant- and in my opinion, this is all bc black men are too eager to establish their dominance in any relationship. If they would just chill out then we would get to appreciate them and they would earn respect. Treating a woman like a dog will leave you confused and lonely. Black men just need to be less extroverted and go sit down somewhere…

  • Resurrected

    geico lizard

    I do think that the sad part is that many of us met the same kind of guys and woman and by the time a woman meets a good one she has a lot of emotional baggage to depose of and by this time she might need someone mature enough to love her through her pain stand by her side to show her what true love is by not running at the sign of work… Many men that I meet are always usually works on progress but that is not a reason for me to make him feel worthless but many men do this to woman when there is not always a reason too…

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