Good day, Bossip readers! Today we want to take a moment and spark some discussion and, hopefully, further thought on a touchy subject nowadays. In light of some of the posts we’ve recently published, the responses have left the Bossip staff asking “Damn, is that how you really feel?” Comments from men who say “I don’t do darkies, Kim K is my kind of skin tone.” To women who say, “see, that what’s wrong with black men, y’all suck! Let’s send them all away to far away lands.” While this is a blog filled with posts that are meant to entertain, the commentary clearly displays a divide between the black man and woman, but why? It’s clear that black men and women are quite disappointed in each other – black men feel emasculated by black women and black women feel demoralized by black men it seems. But can we ever bridge the gap and love one another again? Or is this a divide that will continue to widen with time? Bossip took some time to ask brothas and sistas what fuels the anger between the genders in Black America and this is what they had to say:
Well, you know, I heard on the radio that only 33 percent of Black women are married, and that frightened me. I have four daughters and me and my wife have been together for 33 years now. Only two of my girls are married and I worry that the other two won’t find a suitable partner because neither are willing to date outside the race, I don’t believe. I think some young black men would say that most black women are angry, but they have every right to be. When I was dating my wife, she took me through the ringer, man. This is before cell phones and pagers and all that, so if I said I was going to be at her house at 2 o’clock and I showed up at 2:30, she’d be gone, house empty. [laughs] I had to work to get her attention and, once I did, I was a proud man. She was so beautiful, intelligent, educated, came from a good family, so I knew I had to come correct or not at all. But young black men today don’t want to work for much of anything, and it’s sad. Why shouldn’t a black woman want the best from a black man? A black woman’s love is the richest of any kind and the man who receives it should be deserving and willing to work for it. Black men, as a group, need to step up to the plate of manhood and that will, without a doubt, win a black woman’s heart, mind and soul. You have to be a man and, unfortunately, a lot of young black men haven’t been taught to be a man or how to love a woman. -Frankie, 61, CEO
Black men feel that black women fuel the divide for sake of face or “what is cool.” If the black man is not making 100,000 a year and is not a Tyson Beckford look-a-like, he has no chance with a successful black woman. As a matter of fact, they look down on us because of that and ridicule black men and that is a turn off in itself. So, when you do meet a black woman they beat the dog mess out of you for the hell of it if you are not as schooled or as wealthy. The part that is a trip is…men can be successful on so many levels, but black women(not all of course) seem to only see the superficial, and less of the potential in a man. Relationships are a work in progress at all times. You may get with someone and both of you ain’t sh*t, but you might inspire each other to do better and rise through the ranks together. I’m not sure black women are up for the struggle anymore. – James, 33, Writer
Yea, the divide is pretty wide, right? Well, I don’t think I’ve really ever taken the time to analyze what fuels it. Hm. I think that black women want to see more from us but we want to see more from them as well. Like I don’t feel like I should have to disclose to her how much money I have sitting in my back account before I can take her out. I think that the media plays a large role in this too, though. Since this whole “baller” era has taken hold of our generation, standards have changed, brothas don’t want to get a real job, they’re busy in the studio making beats and writing rhymes. The entire fantasy of fast money has taken hold of us I think. Fast money equals fast love, but it’s quite the opposite if you want something worthwhile. I don’t think black women understand that most of us work for the things they want – big cars, big houses, big jewels – and we may not have those things when you meet us, much less want them. That’s not to say that we don’t strive for greatness but it’s more than a car and “ice.” Black women seem to be dissatisfied with us for the most part and I think it’s safe to say, that real black men are turned off by their superficiality. -Brian, 28, Investment Broker
I think black men and women are competing against each other to a point where it’s a hinderance. Pride and ego is basically what it is. The moment you get into it or y’all fall out, the first thing out of a black woman’s mouth is “I don’t need you!” Or, “this is my house, my car, my this and my that,” and it’s like I get that you’ll be fine without me but I’ll be fine without her too, and her mouth. No man ever wants to hear that his woman doesn’t need him. We totally get that she’ll be fine without us, but she has to remember a black man’s pride is to be handled delicately. Because if a black woman won’t, another woman will, and that’s why a lot of black men are turning to other races, and that’s a totally different conversation in itself. – Jason, 34, Electrical Technician
Look for Part 2 from the Sistas P.O.V. tomorrow!