Florida Crazies: Girthy Grandpa Acquitted Of Murder After Girlfriend Allegedly Choked To Death On Super-Sized Schlong

- By Bossip Staff

Florida Man Acquitted Of Choking His Wife To Death With His Penis

Here’s a story that could only happen in the ridiculous state of Florida. According to NBCMiami, a 65-year-old man named Richard Henry Patterson, or “Dick” Henry Patterson for comedic purposes, was found not guilty of murdering his 60-year-old girlfriend Francisca Marquinez back in 2015.

How did Dick allegedly murder Francisca, you ask? Asphyxiation during oral sex. That’s right. Prosecutors argued that Dick killed Francisca by using his elongated third leg to choke her to death during sloppy-toppy time.

Murder notwithstanding, Dick’s trial was outta pocket. At one point the prosecutor filed a motion arguing that it was “essential” to have the jury view his flaccid and/or erect penis for inspection.

The judge wasn’t with the s#!ts.

In Dick’s defense, his lawyer had a Broward County Medical Examiner testify that in order for Francisca to actually choke to death on the D, it would need to be lodged deep in her throat for at least 2 whole minutes according to DailyMail. Unless Francisca was secretly Teana Trumnp, it is unlikely that she was taking 120 seconds of throat poking at the tender age of 60.

Dick was acquitted of all charges.

Image via Getty

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