Sextra: How Do I Make This Work? My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex!

- By Bossip Staff

Hey Bossip,

First off, I read your blog everyday at work and it keeps me amused! I especially love your sextra posts. But unfortunately, I don’t get to try some of the great things you guys write about. I married my husband almost 2 years ago and I love him dearly. He is everything I need in terms of partnership and companionship. He is my best friend and I truly love him. But I knew when we were dating that he’s not the greatest lover. I thought that with time, it would get better but he doesn’t even touch me. And when I try to initiate some intimacy, he brushes off my attempts. It’s not like he really pleases me in the bedroom anyway but I at least want to encourage it. I don’t know what to do anymore because it’s starting to make me angry. I realize that sex is a very important part of a marriage, probably more so now than I did before we got married, lol. And I’m just not getting what I need from him. He seems like he’s perfectly content without it. What should I do?

– Confused

Tough one. But start off being honest with yourself. Have you changed over the years? Have you “let yourself go” or discontinued the pre-marital practices that were part of the reason he proposed? Somewhere along the line, you’re responsible for the sexual deterioration too! So recognize the part you played in it and take ownership.

Communication is key, so surely you’ve spoken to him about it. If not, ask him very specific questions. Are you still attracted to me? If so, how would I know? Why aren’t we intimate? Is there something I’m doing or not doing to keep you from showing me? Express to him how it affects you and your feelings towards the marriage. Maybe instead of trying to initiate sex, promote it. Hop in the shower with him unexpectedly, get in the bed wearing next to nothing and press your body against him. Take yourself back to when you guys used to have sex and what you did to turn him on. Naturally things change with time but that does not mean your sex life has to die! Plus you said he never really pleased you to begin with so there’s a lot of work to be done.

The marriage doesn’t have to end and you can work it out, but you have to be committed to making it work and so does he. With a blended effort, you never know what could happen! You guys could discover new things about each other and a healthy sex life could blossom as a result! Equal communication and commitment could smooth out the kinks, so start talking! Good luck!

What do you guys think? What should she do to revive her sex life?

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