Take it to the Grave … or Come Forward?

- By Bossip Staff

So everybody has a secret or two, right? It’s just a no brainer and completely naive not to believe that everyone has done something(s) that they may not be so proud of or care not to disclose and have taken an oath of silence within themselves. But the tricky part comes into play when you settle into a relationship and your significant other wants to or thinks they know everything about you and your past. But is it necessary? If you have a skeleton in your closet that would change your partner’s perception of your character, do you come clean? Is it best to leave it in the dark to salvage your union? What  if you’re harboring a secret that you know would forever change your relationship or leave the person saying, “well, if I had known this earlier, I wouldn’t have invested my time.” Do you run the risk of the person finding out without your confession, take it to the grave or live with guilt? Are you being deceptive for concealing your past, which makes you who you are today, or does it even matter? Bossip asked a few people, who would like to remain anonymous, what they thought.

Well, I have a secret that I have to “take to the grave.” But I must admit, it does eat away at me when I have reflective or quiet moments with myself and … it hurts. It hurts to know that my wife would be completely crushed if she found out that I’m keeping  something from her that would undoubtedly change or end our marriage. Like [pause] um, wow. I’m even ashamed to admit it but I [pause] I uh, I slept with my wife’s sister before we got married. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, but I guess I need to get it off my chest. I never told my boys, I haven’t told anybody. Yo, like I know that if my wife ever found out, it would be over. But I can’t lose her or live without her and my daughter. It is very selfish and deceitful. But I never knew that my wife, who I was dating at the time, would end up being my wife. I know her sister would never tell and we’re still cool; she’s in a relationship herself. But damn, man, yeah. I gotta take this one to the grave for real. And I think it’s for the best.

Oh no. I try to be upfront with everyone I date and can only hope that the man I end up with will do the same. Of course, he doesn’t need to know every detail of my life before I met him, but I believe big, huge secrets only fester and make people paranoid. My best friend, for example, was a stripper and she was engaged to a good career man who has chosen to overlook the fact that she used to strip for money. But what he doesn’t know is that she also did some escorting and performed sex acts for money. Yeah, okay, she doesn’t do it anymore but I’ve encouraged her to tell him because that’s something that I would want to know before I married someone, you know. You just shouldn’t enter into a marriage lying because it begets more lies. But to each his own and ignorance is bliss so maybe it’s best she keeps it from him. I don’t know. I guess it all boils down to the power of choice and judgment. Everybody has a secret but you choose those also.

My brother was jailed for domestic abuse in his first marriage. He’s been to anger management and worked through his problems with a therapist. He was dating this girl for a while and when he told her (about his record) she pretty much dumped him. That happened quite a few times. But I admire that he’s taken the open book approach and told the women he’s seeing that he has had anger management problems in the past. I truly believe he’s changed and is a completely different person than what he was years ago. But the chicks he dates wouldn’t know that because they don’t know the angry person he was; they’re getting the reformed man that has done a lot of work to change his ways and is still a work in progress. But I personally appreciate that he chooses not to lie and to share the parts of his past that aren’t really cool. But, you know, it’ll take someone who truly accepts him with his flaws to know that the feelings are real.

Tell us your thoughts, take it to the grave or come clean? Please remember to e-mail all feedback and topics to loveandrelationships@bossip.com.

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  • bawse



    What is done in the dark will come to light. Come clean.

  • sunny

    No comment!

  • me

    top 5

  • shut you bloodclot crying the kid the dog everybody 's dyin no lyin'

    I got a cemetery in my closet I am taking it to the grave.

  • NewOrleansBaby


  • Not Your Average Girl

    Take it to the grave as long as it doesn’t effect the significant other’s welfare

  • Not Your Average Girl

    well fare that is


    Take it to the grave some things just don’t need to be aired out and if it does come to the light explain the situation to your better have and if they decide to leave then it was meant to be that way. My opinion is if you love someone their past should not have anything to do with your future together and if it did many people would not be married today because we all have secrets of our past not one of us is perfect.


    yay top 10

  • Nique

    If its an important issue that can affect someone’s health/work/rep then yes TELL.

  • http://yahoo.com .....

    Um take it to the grave…
    I once let this chick go down on me and Im a chick… :/ it never happen again cuz I wasn’t into it but I swear Im taking it to my grave…. WOW guess I feel okay saying it here cuz no one knows me or could see me.. What would be my point in telling him? That fool will start trying to make a 3 sum happen… Umm I think not take it to the grave…


    if your ACTIONS will result in losing something that u value the most, then dont do it!!! That will keep you out of soooo much bullshit,and u wont have to keep anything secret…

  • lovely one

    Tell the truth and shame the devil

  • lovely one


    if your ACTIONS will result in losing something that u value the most, then dont do it!!! That will keep you out of soooo much bullshit,and u wont have to keep anything secret…
    Standing Ovation!

  • resurrected

    I would say yes come clean and bury those bones in the back yard where they belong… Any good and healthy relationship will deal with there issues before them become serious problems… IF someone really loves you one or two mistakes does not stop that love… If you really love him or her you would do better by them all around and then you have to know how valuable this person might be in your world… Standards keeps you safe everytime so make better decision in your life why don’t you..

  • Sydney™ (. . .the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die)

    During my Hampton years, I had a serious problem with nymphomania. I couldn’t be without a man longer than two weeks at a time.

    The hurtful part was it resulted in two venerial diseases and four abortions.

    I given full disclosure to my current suitor, but I have no doubt this shameful part of my life will never be divulged to my parents. It would surely break their hearts and that’s something I could never live with.

  • http://www.yahoo.com Re

    ^^^Is this the real Sydney?

    I once decided to keep a secret about someone who tried to abuse me in college from my significant other. From everyone, actually. I thought people would run a guilt trip on me.

    I eventually came clean, and sometimes I can see how helpless it makes him feel, because I didn’t press charges. While that breaks my heart, I’m still glad I told him.

    But anyway, I do think there are some things you should keep a secret.

  • Brown Stallion

    Everyone have deep secrets. I think it should be revealed if it happened during your relationship or if the past has something to do with your current relationship and could affect it if it was revealed. You also don’t want someone else tto tell your partner before you do.

  • GA by way of CA

    why not tell the “secret” before you marry the person??? that way, if they decide not to remain in the relationship, you save time, money and stress getting divorced, imo.


    f$uck that im taking all of my secrets to the grave. i mean if it doesnt affect the person you are with or your family you should not have to tell. there have been a few times where my fiancee asked me how many sexual partners i have had. i always tell him that men dont want to know because they will feel some type of way about it, and he left it alone. it doesnt affect him so why should he be worried as long as he know i dont have no std’s and i didnt sleep with any of his friends or family members its all good. my past lovers is my business.

  • amani

    i think you have to think about the consequences that either telling the truth or not telling will have on those you care about and how important this secret is..if its something that is constantly eating away at you and it affects you deeply then i feel its always best to come clean because no matter how the person reacts..at least its out and that weight has been lifted from your conscience for better or for worse. in a serious relationship honesty is the best policy at the end of the day because think about it how would you feel if the one you loved was keeping something potentially life-changing from you when you thought you knew everything about this person?



  • Secret

    I also said that if it was something that I was trying to sneak and do or if I was cheating, I would have never told her about it. But I did tell her and everybody is telling me I’m stupid for telling her. I feel that alone should prove the impression that I was given.

  • Tony Redds


    I think she should have never agreed with letting you see other people. Its her fault…Anyway do you like men?

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