Bossip exclusive interview with Jessica Holter creator of Punany Poets

Source: Timothy Christmas / Jessica Holter

How do the Punany Poets address the #MeToo movement?

I want to start by saying, It is very interesting to me that the average family has a molesting uncle, that everyone knows is not trustworthy, and he is still invited to the family reunion. And he has never been to jail. It is also very interesting that R. Kelly still lays the cadence for wedding receptions when we all saw him urinate on a 15-year-old girl.

I personally feel that holding men accountable is only part of the solution. I feel strongly that it is the duty of women to teach women to be more aware and attuned with the heightened instincts we have for sensing danger. Women must exercise good judgment and begin to set boundaries when dealing with men. All men. Even if it is your pastor, your father or your husband. These boundaries can be communicated in many ways. I used to hear the old women say, “If you have to ask, you already know the answer.”

What we can never do, is leave it to a man to read our minds. “He should have known by the way I was squirming out of his arms.” Nope. “He’s a grown ass man, he should have known it was wrong.” Nope. “He should have known when I slapped his face.” Nope. Not even then. How often do we see movies, when a woman is all “no, no, no” – and then she is given to move forward with intimacy by a firm grasp and a deep kiss? Women also must begin to support and trust each other. The unspoken competition between women makes emotional manipulation too easy. Others open windows to molestation include the desire for attention, hormones, and proximity. Thus, we must make sure to pay attention to our children, letting them have time to speak and to share with you without judgment, and have ‘the talk’ as early as possible. By Proximity, I mean, women have to stop giving men access to our children. Moving men, you do not know into her house, and sleepovers are to be prepared for. For example: Sitting down at the table, with both child and boyfriend, and explaining to your child, in front of the boyfriend that there is to be no impropriety or there will be consequences, and “Do not give my child any gifts. If you want her to have something, give it to me and we will see about it.” But, sadly, a lot of women silence themselves, even when we sense something is wrong because we do not want to lose the man; because we have been taught that we need a man, or even because we have been taught to please others. By creating situations that put women and children in danger of being molested, we become complicit in the crime. Perhaps the most important thing is making sure that your child can talk to you about anything at all without fear of judgment. Otherwise, they will not tell you when something happens, or when they fear that it might. There is also guilt and shame to contend with. Your child must know that your love for them is stronger than guilt or shame. Young people and many adults who have experience abandonment are at particular risk of being manipulated and attacked. So, we must begin speaking to them of self-pride and that they have total rights over their own personal space.

I joke that chastity belts would be more effective than prison. Especially in cases were powerful men have been convicted. But, we are not living in medieval times. We are living in evil times, where the dollar defines opinions. And as long as so many men subscribe to the opinion that women will do and allow anything for money; that women can be bought and coerced into action, we will be subjected to their animalistic nature and most base behaviors toward us. Though we really need to look no further than the White House to see this, the recent episode of the Greg Gutfeld show, on the 69-year-old man trying to get his age legally changed to 45, both host and guests conquered that this old man only needed to get a fancy car and a gold watch to flash, and drive along Hollywood Blvd to find a woman. Proving celebrated sentiments like “no romance without finance” might make cool song lyrics, but there is a price to living your life by it.

What advice would you give a woman who has been sexually abused but still wants to enjoy sex with a loving partner?

The questions that come up inside of a woman after she is sexually traumatized can be an endless stream of questions about worthiness. In my experience with being a victim of all of it, molestation, rape, attempted gang rape and sexual harassment, the best thing is to get to know yourself very well. Even the things you do not like, and the things that scare you. Become friends with yourself. Say positive words to yourself every day in the mirror. Word s GOD. What you say, is so. Once you have turned off negative thoughts, learn your body, probably on your own, with hands and toys until you discover the awesome healing power of your clitoris, can bring you to enjoy sex.

I would just like to acknowledge, that sexual trauma can be a lifelong problem for some women. Some people remain victims in their minds for life. Some people heal emotionally right away and understand that what happened to them, does not become them. It is just something that happened and the emotional wounds heal naturally over time. Some women become promiscuous following a sexual assault, striving to gain control over their own sexuality. Still, others swear off sex or give up on men entirely. Some people are rescued from their personal hell by true love. My advice is to find a trusted counselor, and/or a method of finding inner peace. I still struggle with intimacy. Being raped and molested made me very guarded, and at times, quite aggressive. All of these reactions are normal. But the great thing about women is that we are resilient. We are hard-wired to handle pain and the heal from it.

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