Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen sentenced to 3 years in prison

Source: TIMOTHY A. CLARY / Getty

Michael Cohen Sentenced To Three Years In Prison

Donald Trump‘s former lawyer Michael Cohen is going to prison for three years for what a judge described as a “veritable smorgasbord of criminal conduct” according to NBCNews. Included in the formal charges are counts of illegal hush payments to women, failing to report millions of dollars in income, and most damningly, lying to Congress about Trump’s business in Russia.

Judge William Pauley was most disgusted by Cohen’s greed and used that as a significant reason to hit the janky lawyer with a field goal number.

A crying Cohen seemed to accept responsibility for his crimes, but still, wheelbarrowed a pile of blame onto Donald Trump’s Ferragamo dress shoes.

“I have been living in a personal and mental incarceration ever since the day that I accepted the offer to work for a real estate mogul whose business acumen that I deeply admired,” Cohen told the judge, saying his blind loyalty to Trump led him to choose “darkness over light.”

Boo-the-f**k-hoo.

“It was correct but for a much different reason than he was implying. It was because time and time again I felt it was my duty to cover up his dirty deeds,” Cohen said.

This is a grown-a$$ man who is basically saying he got peer-pressured into lying and essentially stealing money from the government. GTFOHWTBS.

As if losing all your dignity before going to prison for 1,095 days wasn’t enough, here’s the door knob that will part Michael Cohen’s a$$ on the way to the slammer.

Almost 3 years ago to the DAY. Bloop.