Dear Bossip: Help! My Husband’s Ex is Psycho!

- By Bossip Staff

Hi Bossip, first I want to say I am such a huge fan of your site and keep up the good work. I am also in need of advice, ASAP. I am desperate, and don’t know what else to do.

I was farely young when I met my husband of now 5 yrs. We have a beautiful daughter who is almost 4. When I first met him, of course it was PERFECT, everything I ever wanted in a man. Nice job, good head on his shoulders, Christian man, very good looking and treated me like the queen of the world. Couldn’t of asked for anything better. He immediately told me he had two sons, and that the relationship with the baby mother has been over, a little over 3 yrs because of her lying ways, cheating, etc. I didn’t mind the kids, I was in love; anything that had to do with him, I accepted. I accepted his boys, I also even started to love them and helped him with the Christmas shopping for them, birthdays, school clothes etc. The mother never knew of me, I made sure to keep it that way because I didn’t want any problems and of course, I was 18. I didn’t know if I was ready for a commitment, I didn’t know if I was ready for marriage. I just wanted everything to come into place. The mother of the boys was very revengeful with my husband, didn’t allow him to see the kids, kept the boys away from him, and hurt him in so many ways that I didn’t know why she would do that. I brushed it off.

Our relationship grew, and of course, an UNEXPECTED pleasant surprise came into our lives. I became pregnant without planning it. We were scared but ready for what the Lord had put in our laps. I then decided to tell my husband that it was time I met his kids, and for him to also let the mother of his kids know that they were going to be big brothers. I thought everything was going perfect, but I was fooling myself, it was the beginning of what I still call a NIGHTMARE! As soon as my husband let her know, so that she and him could both sit down and talk to their kids about my pregnancy, the woman became enraged. The very same woman who wouldn’t allow him to see his kids for weeks and weeks at a time, was now dropping off the kids EVERYDAY (we didn’t live together yet), then she would tell my husband “I don’t want my kids to meet your new girlfriend.” So he was forced not to introduce me to his kids. She would show up at his house unexpected, call everyday and e-mail him constant love letters that they needed to get back together so they can have their “family” back. I was appalled. How can a woman, who cheated, who lied to him, who wasn’t there for him  all of a sudden try to get back with him now that I am pregnant? The woman started stalking me, calling my phone private, driving by my house. It was hell Bossip. My daughter then was born, of course in the midst of all this drama and my husband trying to calm the woman down. He couldn’t control her. She was insane. I had to put her in jail, and a restraining order was placed on her.  FOUR YEARS later, my daughter still doesn’t know her older brothers because this woman WOULD NOT ALLOW THE KIDS to meet our daughter, and I am still enduring this hell. I don’t know what else to do Bossip readers. I love my husband to death, and I married him because I am truly in love. But this woman is out of control, needs psychological help and I need my sanity back. Everywhere I go, I have to look over my shoulders because I am afraid she’s following me and trying to make false police reports on me. I am in need of advice immediately. Is love truly enough to keep fighting for my marriage? I truly just want out, and if she wants him that bad and wants me out the picture so bad, I am willing to do so. I need to protect my daughter and her safety. I just want my normal life back. Drama free, and peace. Should I leave the man of my dreams and husband because of this woman? My husband and I have tried ignoring her and not pay her any mind at her crazy antics, but it’s 5 years later and it won’t stop. Please help.

Okay, this is not your battle to fight. This is something your husband is going to have to man up and manage, period. You were fully aware of his ex’s antics before you took the plunge, so why is this a problem now one might ask. His relationship with his sons requires them to have to communicate. It should have been smoothed over before you dove into a relationship with him of any kind. Okay, so you were young and love is blind; however, now that you’re a mother and a wife, it sounds like you now realize the severity of your husband’s last relationship in which they share two children. Now that his lack of leadership has gone awry, it’s ultimately affecting your marriage. It is his duty as a man, husband and father to make sure that you, his wife, and child are free from harm! Don’t think for a second that he’s powerless in this situation! He can turn this whole thing around if he masters communication with his children’s mother. If it means he has to go to family court to get more time with his kids, that’s what he’ll have to do, but you have to allow him the leeway to do what he has to do to make this right.

No man, or woman for that matter, can move into another relationship and expect for it to work when their previous one is messy, especially when there are kids involved. This should have been more than smoothed over before you took your marriage vows. In fact, a healthy relationship with his ex and the boys should have been a prerequisite before you walked down the aisle. If he really wanted to make it work with you, he would have been more than willing to do so. Hindsight is 20/20, but you’re five years and a daughter deep into this marriage, you don’t feel safe, and you’re fearing the safety of your daughter! If you really believe that this woman has it in her to physically harm you or your little girl, then yes, you should absolutely leave and tell your husband to join you once he puts an end to the madness. Given the sensitivity of this matter, having had this woman put in jail, restraining orders and the like, it’s difficult to foreshadow a peaceful relationship between the two of you any time soon, but with time it could work. Your husband has to man up and take control of this situation ASAP!

What are your thoughts Bossip readers? Remember to e-mail topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • alldatsupreme

    1st thangs first! wait uh minute! Not just wait one minute!!!

  • http://deleted Simone

    Take It To Court.
    She Cannot Keep Him Away From His Kids.
    If Both Of You Guys ARe STable && Have Everything Together, Take It To The Judge. That Is Wrong I So Many Ways. If Things Are AS Good As You Say Then There Shouldn’t Be Any Problem With The Courts.
    For Your Little Girl Not To Know Apart Of Her Family Is Not Right.

  • Daywalker The saints are 11-0, B*tches!! Tom Brady and Bellichick ain't even got an excuse for that!!! LOL!!!)

    D-Walk up it!!!!

  • http://deleted Simone

    Also Agreeing With Your Husband Needs To Step IN And Say Something.
    He Needs To Get His Baby Mother In Check. Let Her Know W.a.s.s.uhp.
    That Is Not Kool!
    😦
    Sounds Like SHes Just Bitter.
    But Idk. IM Just On The Outside.

  • KeepNit2Real

    who cares?

    He should have dumped the crazy broad and jumped two time zones to stay away from her like I did.

  • H2O ***THE WATER BOY***

    YOU SHOULD HAVE MARRIED A REAL MAN MAN NOT JUST A HUBBY,

  • Nique

    Why is she soo concerned about the crazy ex?
    Why hasnt her husband been a man and dealt with the situation from jump. This situation shouldve been taken care of b4 the I do’s and bringing another child into the world. The ex does it because she CAN and has been allowed 2.Good luck…

    SMH

  • BE REAL

    this is simple…he has to go through the courts to establish visitation…and she cannot hold the kids back from him. he should have done this YEARS ago, this needs to be doen ASAP!!!

  • http://bossip luvmjfan

    Your husband is not powerless he can handle this he just needs some balls. Take her triflin a** to court and get visitation. If that happens nothing she can do. He sounds like a whimp if u ask me. My husband has twins by his ex and when we got together she tried that same mess. He took her to court and that was the end of that because it took away her power.

  • Aunt Viv

    @ Nique,
    “Why is she soo concerned about the crazy ex?
    Why hasnt her husband been a man and dealt with the situation from jump. This situation shouldve been taken care of b4 the I do’s and bringing another child into the world. The ex does it because she CAN and has been allowed 2.Good luck…

    SMH”
    ________________________________________________
    Preach!

  • Mz

    WHAT!!!! You fear for your daughter’s safety and she is not walking with a limp with a couple of teeth knocked out…What are you taking the high road or something….He needs to handle this and you need a back bone….Woman up and take control.

  • Daywalker The saints are 11-0, B*tches!! Tom Brady and Bellichick ain't even got an excuse for that!!! LOL!!!)

    Heyy, Aunt VIV!!! 😉

  • HUH?

    How has she not met his kids and they’re married? Do the kids not come to his home?

  • Shonda

    @Nique

    I totally agree with you! SHE DOES IT B?C SHE CAN!!! Women like to call the ex “crazy” and don’t want to acknowledge that the “husband/boyfriend” can put an end to all the bu**sh*t IF THEY WANTED TO…

    I was in this situation and I did break up with the “man” (and I use that term loosely). He didn’t want the “confrontation” of addressing the issues to her! And as soon as I left his a**, GUESS who he was with then???? THE EX!!!

  • http:chokolatemilk.blogspot.com Choco

    Honestly-
    The courts and your husband should deal with her in the meantime relocate is you are worried about your safety-the courts will at least take 3-6 months to handle everything in the meantime she could’ve been flipped her wig and split your dome-perhaps you need to become less meek and docile cuz if I were in your shoes she would be frightened of me…

  • Aunt Viv

    Hi Daywalker 😉

  • Allergic to Ignorance and Stupidity

    People always putting up with Drama when all they have to do is HIRE A LAWYER!

    Record all acts of foolishness, your husband should hire a lawyer and establish visitation and drop off and pick up via a neutral court ordered 3rd party.
    Use call screening and block all unknown numbers

    and DAMN people are still getting accidentaly pregnant in this day and age- BULL$HIT

  • Leslie

    @ Daywalker

    Co-sign to the 100th power!!

  • resurrected

    This is the kind of mess that most woman have to deal with when men pick woman in there lives with no standards… Is it me or does mostly every man seem to attach himself with a woman who he took no time to get to know or to see how she was deep down as a person and then get bad because he has attached himself to a so called phyco… Now this woman is now emdedded into his life because she is the baby momma… Men need to take more time to look deeper and woman need to stop creating these sad situations into there lives…

  • http://Bossip.com D Brown

    In your case the best advice is for you to act like a woman and think like a man.

  • GQJoe

    Your husband needs to stop sending mixed signals…ie giving his ex more respect than his wife. Either he’s scared to be put on child support or he’s still hitting the baby moms every now & then. Either way it’s not a good look. The previous relationship with kids should be about business with no feelings involved.

  • http://Bossip.com D Brown

    Okay! think what would he do.

  • Ladylumps

    Mrs…. Please tell your husband to take control of this situation and if he don’t then get the hell out of this mess. First of all you are his WIFE!!! That is HIS DAUGHTER as well as HIS SONS. How in the hell he not going to let his boys know they have a lil sister, and how you going along with it???????? Is he scared of the broad????

    Next why didn’t he just go to the courts for permante joint custody of his boys so that this chick, I can’t even call her a woman, because a Woman wouldn’t behave this way, can’t keep his son’s away from him at all.

    Your husband is not handling this at all!!!! For this to end. HE not YOU HE must MAN up and put an end to it. If he don’t girl, you better pack your daughter up and leave so that you can continue on with your life in PEACE!!!!!! Why have your daughter growing up like that? Why are you living this way. Please help yourself!!! and take heed to the suggestions

  • Ms. AnG

    Well I am currently going through a break-up and there is a child involved. As a woman I have to accept that he will be with other women, and some may meet my son, and no I don’t like it, but it is what it is. I agree with DayWalker, put your foot down and step up and get control of your home. Being in a marriage means where one is weak the other is strong, and if your husband seems to be weak and powerless against this woman, then you have to step up and be strong for him.

  • Ladylumps

    H2O….. You are right. She should have looked for and married a MAN and not sought and married an HUBBY!!!! There is a differnce!!!!

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