Hey Bossip! I love your site and the Love & Sex articles are what keep me coming back! For me that’s the best part of the site. I have a bit of an issue and I could use some anonymous counsel from your readers. I have been with my boyfriend for a little more than 2 years and I’ve never really had any reason to be suspicious. If I’m not at his place, he’s at mine and we spend most of our free time together. He has a group of guys he plays basketball and hangs out with and I also have my girls. What I love about our relationship is that we both have a life outside of it and it allows us the time and space to miss each other.
Well lately his habits have changed. Usually before he goes to bed or turns in for the night he gives me a call to recap the day and tell me goodnight. Over the past couple of weeks the phone calls have all but stopped and I can’t get in touch with him when I call. His excuse is he fell asleep and he’s been “crazy busy” with work and he’s just exhausted by day’s end. For a week or so, I completely understand but it’s seemingly excessive. He’s spent the night at my house once last week but he normally stays over the weekends. When I stayed at his house last night, I looked for all obvious signs of cheating, but the kitchen was still in tact and everything was where I normally leave things, my toothbrush was still on the counter and my shoes still by the door. But here’s where I’m truly concerned, his phone has been vibing and chiming, sometimes late at night, and he completely ignores the call or text. He says he’s not in the mood to talk. That has me tripping because if it was one of his friends, why not answer like he normally would? I’m not the kind of girl to go through his phone or snoop around but I’m starting to get curious enough to do these things. However, I don’t want to violate his trust in me if he should catch me or if I confront him over something I find snooping. Am I being overly paranoid or is he cheating or about to? Please help a sista out!
You seem to have been secure in your relationship until you noticed a change in his patterns and behavior so you could very well be looking too deeply into a man who just needs a little space. Most men need a little space from time to time and, for the most part, that’s all it is. Time, space and freedom to sit in silence and veg on Sports Center or the X-Box. Time, space and freedom to stretch out on the couch, scratch his balls and play with his man parts. That’s just what they do. Nothing personal. So allow him the time and space to, like you said, miss you! If he’s allowed you to leave personal landmarks in his home, chances are he values your relationship and takes it seriously! Give him space and busy yourself with something in the meantime! Repaint your kitchen or bedroom, do some deep cleaning, or take a dance class!
You can’t jump to conclusions if you haven’t clearly voiced your worries. So before you go sneaking around in his phone, the best thing to do would be to communicate to him your concerns and how you’re feeling about the changes you’ve noticed lately. Since you’ve been together for two years and some change, you know him well enough to gauge if he’s trying to pull a swift one on you. But if he’s sincere, he’ll extend an explanation and make an effort to quell your suspicions. If he does not, then you may be correct in your assumptions that he’s seeing someone else. I hope this helps! What do you think Bossip fam?
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