Mark and Patricia McCloskey pardoned by Missouri Governor Mike Parson

Show of hands, who’s surprised? Anyone? Bueller?

Source: St. Louis Post-Dispatch / Getty

Remember Mark and Patricia McCloskey? Of course you don’t because who the f**k are these losers? You probably don’t remember their names but Mark and Patty were the malevolent mayo-based mammals who haphazardly pointed their guns at protesters who weren’t paying them any attention as they walked through their lily-white St. Louis neighborhood. It was later revealed (“revealed is probably too strong a word considering that they are white and in St. Louis) that the Mc’s were Trump supporters.

Back in June, the McCloskey’s plead guilty to their crimes of misdemeanor fourth-degree assault and misdemeanor harassment for which they paid $750 and $2000 respectively. Special Prosecutor Richard Callahan deemed the protesters peaceful.

“There was no evidence that any of them had a weapon and no one I interviewed realized they had ventured onto a private enclave,” Callahan said in a news release after the McCloskeys pleaded guilty.

Faster than a speeding bullet and more powerfully than a locomotive, Donald Trump and several other Republican d-bags came out with vociferous support for these white criminals. One even, Missouri Governor Mike Parson, vowed to pardon them. Tuesday, according to the AP, despite the fact that McCloskey was convicted and admitted that he would do it again, Parson made good on his promise and pardon both his Ritzy constituents.

“I’d do it again,” he said from the courthouse steps in downtown St. Louis. “Any time the mob approaches me, I’ll do what I can to put them in imminent threat of physical injury because that’s what kept them from destroying my house and my family.” He echoed those comments in a statement issued Tuesday by his campaign and added: “Today we are incredibly thankful that Governor Mike Parson righted this wrong and granted us pardons.”

Mark McCloskey is now running for a Missouri Senate seat. This is Amerikkka.