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One can only wonder if when U.S. District Judge Ann Donnelly decided to keep the federal racketeering and sex trafficking trial of disgraced R&B icon Robert Sylvester Kelly as far away from the public eye as possible, it’s almost as if she knew that if the trial were televised, we’d all just end up watching Surviving R Kelly on steroids.

 

On Wednesday, the woman referred to as “Jane Doe”, who previously testified that Kelly spanked her, made her smear feces on her face, and gave her an STD during a sexual relationship that began when she was 17, was directed by Kelly’s attorneys to read aloud a letter she wrote in which she detailed how her parents wanted to extort Kelly and they used her to seduce the man who willingly called himself the Pied Piper of R&B like he doesn’t know what the Pied piper origin story is. 

According to BuzzFeed News, the letter also specifically mentioned the woman was of legal age when she and Kelly started having sex, and if that seems oddly convenient for a letter about a man who’s been accused of relations with underaged girls for most of his career, it’s possible that’s because this was allegedly a letter she was forced to write by Kelly himself.

In fact, Jane Doe testified that the writing of letters full of lies meant to protect an abuser was just one of the many things Kelly’s victims were made to do as “collateral,” just in case—oh, I don’t know—Kelly ended up on trial for doing disgusting, humiliating and violently abusive things to young women and girls. 

So, federal prosecutors have accused Kelly of forcing his victims to write these letters—some of which contained confessions to stealing money and jewelry from Kelly—and keeping them for his own protection. They’ve cited the practice as an example “of how the singer’s alleged abuse of 22 people amounted to a criminal enterprise,” BuzzFeed reported.

But it wasn’t the prosecutors who first introduced the letters into evidence. For that, we have Kelly attorney Deveraux Cannick to thank.

Cannick has argued the letters prove blackmail, and he apparently doesn’t find it the least bit strange that so many of Kelly’s accusers wrote things that are explicitly self-incriminating.

Instead, Cannick insists the letters prove Jane Doe and her parents conspired for her to “lure” Kelly into a sexual relationship—which wouldn’t be possible if a man in his late 40s wasn’t willing to have sex with a teenager. 

Oh wait, I forgot, one letter also specifically claimed Kelly “wasn’t even coming onto [her],” and said, “Even though I wanted to have sex with him… he was not showing the same interest.”

“I desperately wanted you to want me how I craved you,” the letter reportedly continued. “If you don’t bring back that d**k, I’m going to tell everyone you’ve raped me… since I was a minor… You’re not trying to seduce me, and that makes me want you even more.”

“These were the statements the defendant made me write,” Jane Doe said in court of the letters that sound curiously like new chapters of Trapped in the Closet

 

At some point, we need to admit we should have thrown this man away nearly three decades ago when news broke that a 27-year-old R Kelly married a 15-year-old Aaliyah—which one accuser recently testified Kelly told her he did so the late singer could get an abortion, according to Insider.

It’s worth mentioning that, on Tuesday, one witness testified that Kelly forbade his “girlfriends” from watching Surviving R. Kelly.

Because, apparently, everybody is lying but him.

 

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