Dear Bossip: I Can’t Bust?

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip,
I thoroughly enjoy reading your sex and relationship section a lot. I always find something new to learn and try. I have had a problem with myself for a while and thought that getting your advice would be the best choice. Basically, during sex I never bust?? Bust meaning ejaculate. Its also the same when I’m recieving head, oral sex. I know I can cum because I’ve done the deed before, masturbated, as I’m sure a lot of men have and I ejaculate fine. Sometimes during sex, I feel like I’m coming but I never do. I mean, the positives are that I can go on for ages because of this but sometimes I wish I could just feel myself climax inside my women. What do you think I should do? Was also wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

Yours sincerely,
A faithful bossip reader from the UK

Good day, Faithful Bossip Reader from the UK! Quite the dilemma you have there! I’m sure it’s frustrating having difficulty climaxing. While some women would think that your issue is heaven sent, that’s not quite the case. A woman, in most cases, wants her partner to climax during sex and if he didn’t it would start to wear on her psyche. She’ll start to feel like maybe she’s the problem or she doesn’t turn him on enough to get him to the height of his pleasure. Not to mention the soreness, for both the woman and man, that comes after lengthy sessions!

So here’s the deal, your situation is not that uncommon. There are several reasons why a man could have problems ejaculating during intercourse. If you’ve had spinal or prostate surgery or medical conditions that call for anti-depressant medications, delayed ejaculation is a potential side effect. If you had any of the aforementioned conditions you’d be fully aware of the cause behind your predicament, right? So that doesn’t seem to be the case. The upside for you, in particular, is that you climax just fine when you masturbate so chances are it’s all in your head … the one on your shoulders, that is!

Many experts believe that men who suffer from delayed ejaculation are often consumed by the fear of the loss of control. Think about it, you can climax when you masturbate. Why? Because YOU are in control. Another reason could be suppressed performance anxiety and being mentally preoccupied with pleasing your woman so much that lose yourself delivering when you should be exchanging. Frequent masturbation could also contribute to the matter because it decreases your urgency to climax. You could be thinking too hard about climaxing that you simply cannot. Don’t think, just feel!

For starters, relax! If your woman doesn’t know about your dilemma, let her know and surely she’ll be more than happy to do what it takes to maneuver through this with you. Try this: do not masturbate without your lady! You may have to do this a few times before it works but don’t give up! Masturbate as you would when you’re alone and when you feel yourself about to climax, replace your hand with hers, let her work you up for a second and have her get on top of you. This exercise is for you to get acquainted with the feeling of ejaculating inside of a woman versus the manual climax. Again, this may take a few times before you get it right but remember that relaxation is key! Hope this helps!

Fellas, what do you think this gentleman across the pond should do?

Remember to email all topic suggestions, questions and feedback to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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