Dear Bossip: My Man’s a Little Too Rough!

- By Bossip Staff

Hey Bossip! First of all I want to say that I love your site and your love and relationships posts. I have a slight dilemma that I need to address but I’m not sure how to. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year in May. We dated for some months and waited a while before we started having sex. I would say that we’re just now getting to a point where we’re both in a sexual comfort zone. I like his style but recently he’s gotten a little too rough. Sometimes he’s aggressive and we get a little kinky which is fine, but the pounding I don’t like. I don’t think he realizes how painful it is while he’s telling me to “stop running”!! I have to because it hurts and the soreness last for days sometimes. He’s well endowed and I’m small framed! Don’t get me wrong now we have great sex but I don’t want to feel pain. I haven’t told him this because I’m not sure how to. I don’t think his feelings would be hurt but I’m just not sure how to say it. Isn’t this ridiculous? Please tell me what you think and how to have this conversation. Thank you!


Hello Sore! Thank you for writing in and sharing. So let’s start here and men should take note, there is nothing pleasurable about a man pounding away at a woman’s innards. It doesn’t feel good. Kink is good fun but there’s a very thin line between that and what crosses the line, which also depends on the individual and their preference. But you shouldn’t have to take the pain and you shouldn’t be, in any way, apprehensive to communicate your needs. He’ll understand.

However, there is a way around this … you can stroke his ego and get what you want all at once! Here’s an idea, praise his manhood, its size and how good it makes you feel, but counter it and tell him you’ve noticed that lately you’re sore after your sessions and tell him to take it easy from here on out. Make it a “it’s not you it’s me” situation and he’ll never know the difference! The next time you two engage, tell him if/when he crosses your threshold, in terms of pleasure and pain, and he’ll gladly make the adjustment.

Remember communication is key and if the shoe were on the other foot and you were mishandling his man parts, realize he wouldn’t hesitate to let you know! He’s probably unaware that he’s been hurting you if you’ve been taking it like a champ and saying nothing! Be communicative and talk it out. One thing he probably won’t understand is why you waited so long to tell him. Hope this helps!

What do you think she should say Bossip Folks?

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to!

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  • MochaLove

    Dammit Day!! First LADY! Ha!

  • Nique (Bossip...Bullsh!!t without Shame)

    Just tell him it hurts. No biggie-most men would be flattered. Or try different positions that u enjoy.

  • ibramblebush

    heh, heh, heh! I be slaying these hoes!

  • MochaLove

    Right! “Beating it up” is not a good feeling. Let him know he’s hurting your lady bits.

  • Mrz.Reed

    I feel you on that Sore….

    I go thru the same thing with my husband. Many women do…. but you just let them know and break it down….

    *my husband insisted on him chopping a few inches off… * LOL
    Nooo….. I love it!

  • Matix B

    Poor thang send him my way girl. I will teach him how to slow the F down and really get a women off.

  • MochaLove

    @ Daywalker

    Hey you! How ya been? Great response by the way!

    The lady who wrote the letter seems a little timid to me tho. No way would I be able to take pain regularly. That ish hurts when yall go too deep. But my question is does it feel good to men to be slamming into a “snootch” it can’t be …

  • complex being

    H-town said it best: “they like it slow, humpin fast that aint gon go, don’t you know they like it slow!”

  • drenk


  • Southern Cabbage Patch



    @ MochaLove

    It feels amazing!!

  • MochaLove


    @ MochaLove
    It feels amazing!!

    Ha! Selfish!

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals-I'm just too good to be true!!

    Da hell??????????????

  • fierce chili

    Sore, you gotta tell him, no ifs ands or buts!

    Had a guy bringing it but then he went into a choke position and to top it off said “you like that you f’in broad” talk about stopping someone in their tracks! I left so fast – i have never trusted him since!

    I have no clue what goes through some guys heads! ugh!

  • B3 Fearless

    *p o r n.

  • http://perryone779@yahoo,com a rose by any other name # 9304026339482056536 ™

    Shut up MIJDC, stop trying to convert straight women!!lol!!

  • http://perryone779@yahoo,com a rose by any other name # 9304026339482056536 ™

    The only way she will get away and stop running is to jump up on top of the ceiling fan and twirl!!

  • enkogkneegro

    Has anyone other than me noticed that if the topic is something about a man not handling his bedroom business the post from the majority of ladies is they need a man who can and I quote “Beat it up” lol, now the post is about a nucca beating shyt up its a Good thing I learned yrs ago that you never bring the likes of one woman to another because each has there own….

  • macori

    I would just throw his a.s.s off.

  • marie II

    i would suggest a code word or light touch but u have to say sumthin or he will think u like it if he still does it after that buck him off u or clamp ur legs and close the store, and bounce quick! it means ur just a f@#$.

  • B3 Fearless

    a rose by any other name # 9304026339482056536 ™
    3/10/10, 13:38:pm

    The only way she will get away and stop running is to jump up on top of the ceiling fan and twirl!!

    lol @rose. You know MIJDC is always trying to get converts!


  • macori

    I don’t get why she can’t just say it hurts.

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