Dear Bossip: Is It My Job?

What’s up Bossip I have a problem. I am a smart, funny, attractive and intellectual woman who wants to be loved just like anyone else. But my problem is men get to caught up on my occupation. I’m a exotic dancer and most of them just don’t seem to take me seriously. Most men I deal with will do all the dinners and dates and phone conversations in the beginning but they don’t stick around for more than 90 days! For a while I thought I was at fault because I used to be quick to sex up someone I’m seeing but now that I’ve stopped that guys think I’m a tease because of what I do to pay my bills. Like I said I want to feel loved just as much as the next person and a lot of the girls I work with always think that it’s unreal fro me to want to be married and have a family like I’m naieve. Regardless of my personal struggles I think a deserve a chance of happinees. Please tell me what I’m doing wrong because I’m ready to give up.

First, thanks for writing in and sharing! So that’s a no! Don’t give up on love! The woes of dating are impartial! Everybody wants to give and receive love, so trust and believe that there’s someone out there for you who won’t judge you based on your occupation. Maybe some of the men you date try to convince themselves that they can handle the fact that you’re an exotic dancer but in reality, somewhere inside, they have a problem with it. Men and women, for that matter, don’t like to share the person they hold close to their hearts and the thought of you showing your body to other men may be too much to handle!

In terms of what you’re doing wrong, that’s hard to decipher. Do you date your clients? Do you come across as the dancer in the club that wants to be “saved” or looking for a way out? Let’s try this: without you saying it, we’ll assume that you’re working towards a larger goal with the money you make as an exotic dancer, be it a degree or two, starting a business or buying a house cash money. Let it be known from the gate that your current job isn’t your permanent career. Discuss your goals, aspirations and the timeframe in which you’d like to achieve them. In order to be “taken seriously” you must display a progressive mode of thinking. I.e. “This is temporary. I have a plan.” Somebody out there can and will respect your hustle if you’re gunning for a larger purpose.

The other thing would be to change your environment. Do you hang out with other dancers when you have free time? One thing you don’t want is to be around people who don’t support you, it makes the energy around you dense and undesirable. Why not take some time to yourself, by yourself and love on yourself. Take an art class. Go to a museum. Paint your living room. Be open to new surroundings and new people, who knows who you’ll meet in the process! Do something that you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t made the time to get it done and do it alone. Being alone is necessary sometimes to sort out your thoughts and come to terms with your “personal struggles” so they don’t hinder your future relationships. Think about what you want out of life, first, then what you want in a man and what you’re willing to give … or give up! Stay positive, sis! Hope this helps!

What do you think she should do Bossip Readers?

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