Lust or Love . . . What’s the Difference Anymore?

- By Bossip Staff

Happy Friday, Bossip Readers! In light of all the recent headlines that are exposing the cheating ways of many, it leaves one to wonder what it is that makes someone recklessly abandon their marriage. Is it simply infatuation or lust? Or are they confusing their casual encounters for love? Either way, the differentiation between lust and love begs discernment lately, no? While it’s completely healthy to lust after someone you love, it’s a gamble to try and turn a fling into a solid, loving partnership! The latter hardly works because it lacks the foundation! With everything being so instantaneous in this day and age, we wait for nothing yet expect stellar results with very little effort. It’s kind of like trying to microwave a gourmet meal – never works. A strong partnership takes time and lots of work. So why should one feel the need to work if the prize has already been won and the goods have already been consumed? We asked a few people what the difference is between lust and love and here’s what they had to say.

Lust is normally synonymous with infatuation. Love, to me, means experience. Lust is funny because when you’re caught in the moment and everything around you, it’s not necessarily the person! The setting, where you met that person or that particular moment sometime gets mistaken for something deeper. But once it’s over and you really start to get to know him, the fire dies and you don’t want him anymore or vise versa. Most people don’t really know what love is and that’s why they’re often confused! Love is hard and never easy. Love is sticking by someone no matter what the situation may be. The moment you start to pray for someone more than yourself, that’s love. – Layla, 31

Lust is a feeling, purely sexual. Loving is not only wanting to have sex with someone but also spending time with them and getting to know them. Love is leaving you with feelings of having some kind of stock invested into the relationship. I wonder how some people do it though. They base their relationship purely on infatuation or lusting after a person. Some people think that if they are attracted to someone, that’s all there is to have in a relationship … almost like lust turns into love by force. Men, when we’re looking for love we want the whole package. She doesn’t have to be a 10 but attractive to me. Maybe come from a good family with good morals and healthy relationships! Hey, that’s a 10! Men won’t stay with a women who doesn’t have more to offer than good sex. – Charlie B., 33

I’ve been guilty of confusing the two once or twice in my life. But now that I’m a little older I can say that lust and love are often confused because people are too quick to proclaim this deep, affectionate love for someone without knowing them while enjoying all the benefits of a long lasting relationship. Does that make sense? Like, I think people confuse good sex with love. You can have phenomenal sex with someone without even knowing their name and so it goes, you meet a someone, you go on a couple dates and now you’re physical … regularly. But a few more months into it, it’s messy and you’re at each other’s throats if it’s not over already. Love takes time and I think the people forget that you have to be friends with your partner first. If you’re friends first, you can overcome all obstacles because the framework is in place. You can’t build a friendship out of lust or an infatuation, in my opinion. – Kay, 29

The huge difference between lust and love is: lust is more of a good time or an “in the moment” type of deal. Love is when you get into the deeper parts of a person. You want to get to know the mental more so than the physical, you start to think about the future with that person and really take a personal interest in them and their well being. And that’s when the romance and the cooking dinners together and the massages come in, it’s the total package, you know? Lust and love get confused because people get tunnel vision, they’re moving too fast and abandon the bigger picture for a moment or moments. But all that means is they weren’t fully invested in the relationship to begin with. Love would pretty much dispel all those urges to go astray. – Kristoff, 30

There’s no real right answer to that. Love and lust mean different things to different people. That’s why it’s so important to get to know each other before you start getting into the physical aspects of the relationship. You should really find out whether your goals and aspirations in terms of love, family life and the future parallel in ways that are beneficial to the both of you. Then you can build. When you do too much too fast you crash and burn. I guess I’m old-fashioned in that way but it’s okay to take your time with these things. I know it sounds like idealistic but I can happen. I have hope. – J.D., 31

What do you think, Bossip Fam? Leave your thoughts in the thread!

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  • anewme

    The other person may give you a temporary feeling of excitment, but when it all dies down, lust will have you looking like an azz. Your family should be most important.

  • ErycaK


  • Glok.. Nothing to loose ,..Just me against the world!


  • Hannibal


  • MochaLove

    Hmm. I don’t think I’ve known a love like my parents have. That throw back, old skool, dance in the kitchen ish.

  • resurrected

    One is without little to no thought while the other is thought of considerably because there heart is involved and not just there dyck/puzzy… Lust is very temporary and usually ends in anger because they person never really wanted you… Love is long lasting and long suffering because you are willing to put in the work while lust only put in the sexual work and that is it… Love is unconditional while lust is very conditional to say the least…

  • wwwfella71

    Ok women if a man cheats 95 percent of the time it has nothing to do with you. You could be perfect in every way and he would still cheat. Men are by nature predisposed to conquer as many women as he can. Furthermore if he cheats and tries to hide it it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt you if he didn’t care he wouldn’t care if you knew or not.


    It is lust that initially attracts you to another person. So you may be in an euphoric state with that person into real issues come up in your artificial world. It is real love that will sustain a relationship outside the bedroom.

  • LaDiva

    I don’t think ppl want to take the time to love someone. They prefer to go by their urges, not realizing the repercussions behind it. And in the end, the outcome is never what one intended it to be.

  • resurrected


    They also no longer understand how rewarding love is because they put all of there natural energy into lust… My poeple die from a lack of knowledge because no one really wants to be informed anymore beyond there own feel and selfish desires…

  • resurrected

    I meant to say beyond there feelings…

  • anewme

    Yeah Glok, I guess in MY dreams! 🙂 I just hate seeing families being broken up over these side pieces.

  • tj24

    Just like everything in life, if you really want it.It takes hard work, committment and dedication to make a relationship work.If both partners are willing and believe in what they share.No relationship is perfect, beings each others best friend is key.

  • You Smell Me??

    Love is not an emotion. Its a motivational mind state. You can love anything, but you cant lust everything.

  • You Smell Me??

    You can also lust for the person you love….

  • Slide Like A Fresh Pair of Gators

    Lust or Love… What’s the Difference Anymore?

    In my opinion, lust is just straight up sexual/physical attraction = you see and you want to f*ck!!!

    Whereas, love takes time to take hold & develop because love has more mental aspects to it…

    “Love” will have you doing some crazy, embarra$$ing & funny a$$ things that you’d thought you’d NEVER do, LOL…

  • Angel(formerly UrHeiness)

    I agree,lust has to do with the sexual/physical aspect & love is emotions.

    Strong emotions @ that.

    However,it’s quite natural for women to become more emotionally attached than men.
    Men are more physical creatures who think with their mind 1st as opposed to putting all their feelings on the table right away.

  • LaDiva

    @ resurrected

    Some prefer to spend their time enjoying that cheap thrill, not realizing how gratifying real love can be…

  • Kool

    Love is and will always BE. Lust is natural, it’s just on a lower vibration. The thing that WE are lacking in this equation is R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
    We are/have NOT taught these children the true meaning of their bodies nor of their “natural” sexuality – nor of the Beauty of sex? We got em running around here thinking the worst!
    Ask another question…

  • Choco

    Who in the f u k cares…

  • BB

    S.e.x should be an expression of love not a prerequisite! When you put the cart before the horse no real work gets accomplished.

  • Angel(formerly UrHeiness)

    @you smell me??: LOL @ your sn & true,that would be the perfect/ideal combo right there!

    To lust the person whom you lust but that’s not always the case.

    Many times ppl tend to mix them up too thinking they’re in love when it’s nothing but lust.

  • Kool

    And I totally smell you You Smell Me??!

  • Kool

    And I totally smell you@ You Smell Me??

  • Angel(formerly UrHeiness)

    *love * I meant to say in my previous post,ooops LOL.

    To lust the person whom you love 🙂

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