Dear Bossip! I visit your site everyday and you guys get me through my workday everyday. I have a problem I could use some help with. Here it goes… I’ve been with my boyfriend since college and once we graduated, we drifted off and found our way back to each other. So all in all we’ve been together for about 6 years, off and on of course. We’ve been living together for 2 years now. He’s never been the sentimental or “sappy” kind but for a long time I wasn’t either. Now that we’re older, I want to be touched and hugged. I would like random kisses. I tried to initiate the affection between us and he had this look on his face like what are you doing and why? So ever since then I pretty much quit. He never touches me unless we’re about to have sex and it’s partially my fault because I was okay with that for so long. But I want that to change! I stay in shape and take good care of myself so I’m far from unattractive. Sometimes I feel like his sex slave! What should I do because it’s really starting to wear on me and it’s putting a strain on our relationship. Do I keep trying or move on?
Good day to you, sis! First, thank you for writing in and sharing. So it sounds like after a six year on-again/off-again relationship, you’re still not getting what you want out of it … in a nutshell. Of course, maturity comes with age and you evolve, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. But from what you’ve shared, it seems like your boyfriend is in the same space he has been for a long time now and he’s comfortable there. But now that you’re in a different space, you want him to join you – which can happen in time but you can’t force or manipulate his pace. In relationships, you either grow apart or grow together. It happens, you can’t really predict or time these things.
You didn’t mention whether or not you’ve discussed your position before you tried to enforce it. Maybe you should tell him how you feel, what you want from him and allow him to deliver. You may have caught him off guard when you took action. He’s been in control of the physical interaction between you the two of you thus far and he might have felt like you were dethroning him, if you will. Talk to him and find out if he’s willing to take the steps to further your relationship. Now if you have the discussion and you find that he was unaware of your needs and is more than happy to accommodate them, that would be great, right? This could be the case.
Here’s the deal though, this serves as a reminder that you can change no one and you don’t want him to change for you! If he makes those moves, as per your request, then you already know it’ll be short-lived and disingenuous. Communication is key! Talk it out and if he’s not hearing you then you might have to make other moves. Hope this helps!
What do you think she should do, Bossip Readers?
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