Dear Bossip: He Won’t Touch Me!

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip! I visit your site everyday and you guys get me through my workday everyday. I have a problem I could use some help with. Here it goes… I’ve been with my boyfriend since college and once we graduated, we drifted off and found our way back to each other. So all in all we’ve been together for about 6 years, off and on of course. We’ve been living together for 2 years now. He’s never been the sentimental or “sappy” kind but for a long time I wasn’t either. Now that we’re older, I want to be touched and hugged. I would like random kisses. I tried to initiate the affection between us and he had this look on his face like what are you doing and why? So ever since then I pretty much quit. He never touches me unless we’re about to have sex and it’s partially my fault because I was okay with that for so long. But I want that to change! I stay in shape and take good care of myself so I’m far from unattractive. Sometimes I feel like his sex slave! What should I do because it’s really starting to wear on me and it’s putting a strain on our relationship. Do I keep trying or move on?

Good day to you, sis! First, thank you for writing in and sharing. So it sounds like after a six year on-again/off-again relationship, you’re still not getting what you want out of it … in a nutshell. Of course, maturity comes with age and you evolve, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. But from what you’ve shared, it seems like your boyfriend is in the same space he has been for a long time now and he’s comfortable there. But now that you’re in a different space, you want him to join you – which can happen in time but you can’t force or manipulate his pace. In relationships, you either grow apart or grow together. It happens, you can’t really predict or time these things.

You didn’t mention whether or not you’ve discussed your position before you tried to enforce it. Maybe you should tell him how you feel, what you want from him and allow him to deliver. You may have caught him off guard when you took action. He’s been in control of the physical interaction between you the two of you thus far and he might have felt like you were dethroning him, if you will. Talk to him and find out if he’s willing to take the steps to further your relationship. Now if you have the discussion and you find that he was unaware of your needs and is more than happy to accommodate them, that would be great, right? This could be the case.

Here’s the deal though, this serves as a reminder that you can change no one and you don’t want him to change for you! If he makes those moves, as per your request, then you already know it’ll be short-lived and disingenuous. Communication is key! Talk it out and if he’s not hearing you then you might have to make other moves. Hope this helps!

What do you think she should do, Bossip Readers?

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • Hannibal

    WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS SENT THIS IN?

  • Outlandish On All Counts

    LMAO @ Hannibal!

    You know you sent this in, dont front

  • Hannibal

    NAW, I DIDN’T SEND THIS ISH IN, I BET IT WAS “LALA”.

  • Soul Man

    Listen to some Sol Blackman (check youtube to see what I mean)!

  • l0v3

    first! find urself a real one

  • Yuh dun Know.....

    Hannibal…..smh

    *sigh*

    It was probably you and your staff who made this up….

    Because I did notice that YOU are always the first person to comment on EVERY post.

    That would mean, the person who posts a story (and ALWAYS be the first to respond) must be of the likes of an administrator.

    You REALLY cant fool nobody.

    Either that, or you truly dont have a life.

  • Yuh dun Know.....

    Only idiots will respond as if this was a real letter….

    Let’s start counting how many will follow….

    Hmmm….I see 1, 2…….(so far)

  • Yuh dun Know.....

    Hannibal..

    Aww….why???

    Because I dont agree with everything you say and give you corny LOL’s and LMAO’s??

    *laughing*

    You’re corny…..and if you could, I’d just change my screenname so I could keep f*ckin’ with you. 🙂

    Why?

    Because I can. 🙂

  • Hannibal

    @Yuh dun Know…..

    LOOK HERE SIR, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO, YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME MAD, BUT THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, SO PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!

  • Yuh dun Know.....

    Hannibal….

    I’m not trying to get you mad. And even so, you cant do nothing but type some vulgarity through the screen….and words dont hurt me!

    Obviously, they do you.

    I guess you need these corny bloggers to rub your ego, but I dont kiss a** just to get people to like me on message boards. I’m me….

    Anyway…..until then….*waves*

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals-I'm just too good to be true!!

    Hannibal makes me laugh!

    “WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS SENT THIS IN?”

    That s.h.y.t. was funny!!!

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals-I'm just too good to be true!!

    @ ErycaK–

    I NEVER readthe entire posts they write on love and relationships. I read two, maybe four lines then I skip right to the comments. Most of the time, I use this forum to vent!!!

  • I'm Just Me...Keeping It Real Since: 1983. 2 Days. Bossip is like a bad accident...I cannot look away!!!

    HANNI

    IMMA FIGHT YOU BOY!!

    IMMA FIGHT YOU!!!

  • I'm Just Me...Keeping It Real Since: 1983. 2 Days. Bossip is like a bad accident...I cannot look away!!!

    I COMMENTED FIRST ON A POST TODAY!! YIIPPPEEE

    😛 😛 😛 😛 😛

  • I'm Just Me...Keeping It Real Since: 1983. 2 Days. Bossip is like a bad accident...I cannot look away!!!

    HEY B3

    HEY….WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THIS IS ISSSSHHHHH

    COME BACK THIS IS

    YOU ARE PEOPLES FOR REAL!!

  • B3 Fearless

    Hey IJM, 1TruDiva, Bliss & Yuh dun Know…..

    1TruDiva – I’m ready to be entertained. Start venting girl. You know you always have me rollin up in here when you start clownin.

  • I'm Just Me...Keeping It Real Since: 1983. 2 Days. Bossip is like a bad accident...I cannot look away!!!

    DEAD @ UNBOUGHT!!!

    YOU A FOOOOOOLLL

    MY ANSWER IS

    GAY

    JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

    MAYBE YOU ARE A SELFISH LOVER TYPE

    MAYBE YOU DON’T SMELL THAT GOOD

    MAYBE YOU DON’T LOOK AS GOOD AS YOU THINK

    MAYBE HE IS JUST REALLY NOT THAT INTO YOU

  • I'm Just Me...Keeping It Real Since: 1983. 2 Days. Bossip is like a bad accident...I cannot look away!!!

    @ SIS

    RAY-RAY DONE STOPPED TOUCHING YOU GIRL???

    YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!!!

    GIIIIRRRRLLL! I TOLD YOU I SAW HIM WITH GIGI THE OTHER DAY!

  • Hannibal

    @Yuh dun Know…..

    THAT’S IT, GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESS, I WANT TO FIGHT YOU!

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals-I'm just too good to be true!!

    @ You dun know–

    Why is Hannibal trying to get your address so he can fight you??

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

    See, THAT’S what I’m talking about.

    Like you’re really gonna give him your address.

    Lol!!!

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals-I'm just too good to be true!!

    @Lil Sis–

    You KNOW it’s time for the yard sale, right??

  • Magc

    Another cow giving it away for free and then surprised the man won’t pay full price. Wow.

  • I like hittin men AND women in the back

    HE GAY

  • 1TruDiva w/the PlatinumVocals-I'm just too good to be true!!

    He won’t touch you????

    Could it be that the silky straight weave you’re wearing has dried out and lost it’s luster?

    S.h.y.t started out looking bone straight. Ya a/z/z thought you could swim in it. Now, it looks like an jherri curl afro.

  • IAm Legend

    Hannibal
    4/14/10, 13:18:pm
    WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS SENT THIS IN?
    ______________

    My vote goes for Da Honest Truth

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