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We don’t know if Tiger’s claims of being tied to a tree are true, but he reportedly suffered another grave injustice: Yes, he was called “Urkel.” Pop the top.

When E! premiered their “True Hollywood Story” on Tiger Woods last night they revealed one of Cheetah’s dark little secrets:

“The golf team is not like being a college football player, it’s not like he was a basketball star, so he wasn’t the big man on campus,” said someone who knew him then, “He had a nickname, Urkel; he felt like it was insulting to him, he felt like it was borderline racist. And it just made him feel like he was back in high school again.”

Oh, the humanity! Clearly the best way to deal with this tragedy was to chop down as many skanks as he could find.

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