Dear Bossip: I Want New Body Parts

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip, I have a topic for your advice column. I want to know if I’m tripping. I’m 32 and my husband is 37. We’ve been married for 8 years and we have 3 kids. Our oldest is 5 and our twins are 2. When I married my husband I was small framed and was never any larger than a size 4 but now that we’ve had the kids I’m a size 8. I don’t mind the new hips and larger behind but I hate my breasts and stomach. I nursed all of them but the twins took a real toll on my body in the most unattractive way! I’ve been working out since I had them thinking that I could work the baby weight off but the skin on my stomach is loose and stretched (I have horrible stretch marks) and the tatas are not my friends anymore. I was a B cup before I got pregnant but when I was nursing they were DD’s and now they’re just long and ugly! There’s really nothing I can do about the hanging skin on my stomach and I want to get my breasts lifted to where they once were, so I’ve been exploring cosmetic surgery. We’ve got the money and I really want to go forward with the procedures but my husband is not feeling that idea at all. Since we’ve had the babies, my husband has gained about 20-25 pounds and he’s not the slim trim man I married. I love him either way but he beats himself up about his weight gain. I support him and try to get him to come to the gym or take walks with me but he’s too “tired” or “busy”. Then the other night when I approached him about the breast augmentation and tummy tuck he said something along the lines of I’m trying to “get fine again and leave him” or he’s going to be the “fat man with the fine wife” and he fears I will become addicted to going under the knife. That’s so far from the truth it’s ridiculous but he laughed it off and said he doesn’t want me to do it. I hate looking in the mirror and I feel like he should support me since I donated my body to the kids and I want my old one back!!! He says he loves my new shape but he’s not the one whose breasts flop all over the place and fall to his armpits when he lays down!!! How do I get him to support me through this or should I scrap the idea?

Good day, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing! Let’s start here, there’s nothing greater than the joys of motherhood and a healthy growing family so kudos to you and your husband! But in all honesty, men have no clue of the pains and devastations of childbirth. Carrying children can result in complete body wreckage and with twins, double the damage. Your desires to repair certain areas are shared with several woman who have had children also. Seeing a permanently rearranged body in the mirror is a harsh reality for many women. Hopefully, whatever your choice may be, you will be comfortable and happy with your healthy body.

Your husband, on the other hand, may have several concerns as it relates to your surgical enhancements. The insecurity that he portrays is likely a small reason why he’s apprehensive. You’re in your early 30’s, he’s approaching 40 and this could be somewhat unsettling for him. While there is a hint of truth behind all jokes, he may be frightened by the idea of something going wrong on the table or afterwards. It could be a very genuine concern for your health and safety but you’ll never know unless you talk it out! You should explore his hang ups and get to the real reason why he’s not being as supportive as you’d like. If he won’t budge, give it a rest and revisit the idea once he’s had some time to digest your determination.

What you could do to possibly quell his worries is take him with you to your consultations. Ask him to help you find a suitable practitioner or give him all the background information on the one you’ve chosen. Let him know which boards your surgeon belongs to and the necessary criteria a medical professional must fulfill to be a part of these committees. Have the surgeon explain the procedures, map out the incisions and inform him on what to expect during your recovery and how he can help. Get him involved and he just might get excited with you!

In closing, if your husband really rejects your desires to reconstruct your body, let it go. Your body housed and birthed his children! And if he’s lovin’ on you and not caring where your lady parts fall and flop, let it go! Load up on the coco and shea butters and do what you can naturally. Besides, this is the man you’ve vowed to grow old and wrinkly with and someday aesthetics won’t even play a part in your marriage. Love yourself, sis! Love yourself.

Hope this helps! What do you think she should do Bossip Readers?

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to!

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  • Caramel Cat™

    all this mess makes me so scared to start having children…

  • sunshine

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  • 2dimplzs

    Do your reasearch and make sure you know the pros and cons and the risks with having that type of surgery. Secondly I think she needs to love herself more and know that these surgeries are TEMPORARY and age will rear it’s ugly head and she will once again have the floppy breasts and wrinkled stomach! This is a temporary fix for an imperfect body that will never be perfect!

    Hubby is feeling self conscience but if he doesn’t want to be the fat man with the pretty wife then he should get off his butt and do something about his weight as well. I have 4 kids and I also nursed all of them so I know what she’s talking about with the stretch marks and loose skin on the stomach. My boobs are still big so that’s all good! BUT I’m also older and I know with age comes a lot of unattractive things but I’ve learned to LOVE MY BODY. I’ve always loved ME, but I had to learn to love my new body since I too was much skinnier than I am now. My weight didn’t start sticking with me until after the 3rd child. But anyhoo, do your home work and work on loving yourself more.

  • ShawnM

    all this mess makes me so scared to start having children…

    I definitely agree!… Thats one of my greatest fears… 😦

  • TheOriginalBlkBarbie

    @2 dimplzs

    Cosign with your post. Lol and whoever wrote this letter was funny “breasts flopping into armpits”…well damn. However, if the hubby is just telling her no because he doesn’t want to be the “fat man with the fine wife” I don’t think that’s right. He should just hit the gym…it’s a lot easier for men to lose weight and tone. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a breast lift or getting rid of the saggy tummy skin…but she should definitely be aware that this is a temporary fix.

  • TheOriginalBlkBarbie


    And I’m scared to have kids as well. 😐 *Gulp*

  • predestined010

    @ ShawnM and Caramel Cat Everybody body is not the same granted your body does change there’s no doubt but there are a lot of people that dont know how to care for their selves right after having the baby like wrapping up their stomach to make sure the abdomen muscles dont get loose dont wait to long to start excerising because once that baby fat settles it will be tough but not impossible to lose the weight.. Also it depends at what age you had that child as well they say the older you get the harder it is to lose the weight…Im speaking from experience I’m 25 and I got a 5 year old and I dont look like I have a child nowhere people always thinking I’m my daughter’s big sister or something… So please dont let this women’s story scare you away from motherhood if that is something you want for yourself in the near future.


    @ Caramel Cat
    She’s a selfish woman,only thinking about her breasts when there are people out there that would do anything to have a baby..Please don’t let this scare you!!Children are a blessing and you know something–any stretch mark I ever got from my children was well worth it.So what if your breasts don’t look the same-you will be a mommy,you will be bringing a beautiful new life into the world.
    I have 8 so I know what i’m saying.Listen,i am still the same size I was before I had them because I take care of myself.I am still 5″11 and 172.When i am pregnant,the most I will gain is 12-15 pounds and because I stay active,exercise lightly during pregnancy, weight sheds off easily.Now if you’re one of those women that uses pregnancy for an excuse to eat all kinds of junk food and just lay down growing a belly and a tail,of course you’ll look horrible.
    Please Cat,make your husband some babies!!

  • April

    @ Predestined010

    I agree. I have a 2 yr. old & a 5 yr. old. One of my friend just had her first child 2 years ago and she still has the pouch and I don’t. She’s a little salty about it too but not everyone has the same body type. Pregnancy will affect people in different ways. I didn’t have to do any exercising after both but my mom is the same as well. My friend is still trying to get rid of the weight and she started when her baby was a month old. Not everyone is the same…

  • ShawnM

    @ Predestined

    is to lose the weight…Im speaking from experience I’m 25 and I got a 5 year old and I dont look like I have a child nowhere

    Yes, I understand what u’re saying as well!.. my Bff had her baby about a year ago, the only thing she had was a big stomach, and dropped that the following week after the baby was born, and doesnt look like she had a kid neither, no stretch marks or nothing!… but I know me, I like to eat now, so I can imagine if I were to have a child, lol, there’s no telling… but thank u for sharing that!


    u got 2 make urself happy b4 u can EVEN BEGIN 2 THINK about makin’ ne1 else happy…..u n’ ur husband should research ALL the options and procedures 2gether, then maybe he wouldn’t have so many doubts. I’m sure he knows u won’t leave him, but that’s also somethin’ that has 2 be solidified during ‘research’ time!

    i hope this works out!!

  • April

    @ Cat Eyes

    How is she selfish? Because she wants to be able to be comfortable in her own skin? No selfish would be refusing to have children just because you are scared of how it will affect your body.


    @ April
    I say selfish because she’s worried about how her body looks after God has chosen to give her such a precious gift.
    Comfortability in one’s skin will never be solved with plastic surgery.
    All I’m saying is there’s a sacrifice for everything in life and what better reason to sacrifice than your babies?

  • Caramel Cat™

    @ CAT EYES

    Girl, you are the same height and weight as me! I’m top heavy though so that’s where most of my weight comes from (I’d like a breast reduction too!). Ok, I know you know from experience. I’m just nervous because I have a friend who is skinny as a rail but she’s got two little boys and her stomach looks like elephant skin. I’m used to having smooth pretty skin and a taught body. But I know you know from experience….8 kids?! Whew, now that’s a lot! I only plan to have 2, maybe 3 at the most….lol..

  • April

    @ Cat Eyes

    Ok, when you put it that way I see what you mean…


    @ Caramel Cat
    Honestly both me and my husband truthfuly always wanted 10 but we’re content with the 8.My husband had a vasectomy so my baby making time is over.My youngest is a year old.
    I’m gonna tell you a secret that I did through every single pregnancy and because of it,i can count the number of stretch marks on one hand-I rubbed olive oil on my belly in the morning and at night..Mineral oil also works.It will not stop you from having stretch marks per se but your skin will never get rough.

  • Aunt Viv

    Wow. I admit that is a fear of mine.

    Hi Caramel Cat!

  • freaaaaaaaalllllllllll724

    girl, throw on a push up bra for the tata’s and some spanks and call it a day!!!!!

    *if you want surgery then get it but be careful and know all the risks, you have children and a husband that need you to live. So go to a respectable doctor and do your research.


    Who can afford plastic surgery in this recession?


  • Caramel Cat™


    Actually plastic surgery is pretty affordable now. Some procedures can run as low as a few thousand dollars and many of them can also be financed. I don’t think it’s the best way to go, but the options are definitely there…

  • cw

    she’s not being selfish because she wants her old body back…get off that crap, really. she’s human and she’s a woman. she loves her children just as much as anyone else, so calling her selfish is ridiculous…pregnancy affects everyone differently and just because she’s not wobbling around being happy go lucky with her excess weight, doesnt’ make her less of a mother..get a life, really…it’s her body, she can do what she want. and she don’t need to have no 8 freaking kids for no one…that’s retarded and expensive… some people and their ridiculous notions….just proves, u can’t listen to everyone’s advice cause some of it is just plain ole stupid. do what makes u happy. if her husband loves her, he will want her to be happy. period. and she can still be a great mother with a flat stomach…haters!

  • Kierah

    Please talk to your husband again. There are things that you want to do to feel good about yourself again. A happy wife and mother is usually a better wife and mother.
    I wouldn’t mention his weight anymore because he knows his situation. When he gets upset enough, he’ll do something about too.
    In the end, his support is important but not necessary.

  • no name

    I think it is a great idea, I have had my breat lifted twice and lipo and I love my body. its nothing wrong with wanting to improve it some. do your research and pick a great surgeon.

  • LadyNubia8

    @ CAT EYES
    4/21/10, 10:52:am

    @ Caramel Cat
    She’s a selfish woman,only thinking about her ***** when there are people out there that would do anything to have a baby…..

    I worked w/a woman who had THAT same issue as her main concern for not starting a family w/her husband. Well, when she reached her 30’s, it was hell for them to conceive. She even took fertility pills that fk’d w/her body anyway and took most of her hair. Had to tell her to R–E–L–A–X and not obsess over trivial things…sure enough (& 8 yrs later) she got her babies (twins) and couldn’t be happier, kangaroo pouch and all!
    Love yourselves ladies! Especially, after being the blessed opportunity to give life! B/c some ppl (like myself) can’t/may never get to share the same experience and would trade places & body with you anyday!!

  • LadyNubia8

    Meant to say “being GIVEN the blessed opp…”

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