Sextra: Separating Sex and Emotion

- By Bossip Staff

Happy Friday, Bossip Readers! With sex being a large part of our culture and society, there’s no disputing the fact that sex is different for men and women. Lately, however, it seems as though women have taken on an attitude that is similar to a man’s, in terms of sex. It’s almost as if women have adapted to a man’s ability to separate sex and emotion and, in turn, have learned to do the same. Beyond the fact that, nowadays, sex is dangerous and even deadly, we’ve lost sight of its purposes: intimacy, procreation and sharing yourself mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Well, after asking around, it’s safe to assume this generation is all out for self until the loneliness sets in. We were curious to know what people really think about sex, emotion and the disconnection, so we asked. Take a look at what some folks had to say. WIthout sounding dismal, it’s a sad state of affairs out there. If you have somebody, be so, so grateful you don’t have to deal with some of this foolishness. SMH.

Um, well … by and large, for men the two are just unrelated. Men don’t have to love someone to have sex with them. Women are capable of doing the same but their ideals are slightly lofty and unrealistic once their emotions are involved. And I have to say, there is emotion in sex for men but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s long-term. Could be just for the night, or a weekend, a month. Hell, occasionally. I don’t know why we have that ability to separate the two because it’s not a … healthy lifestyle. Ultimately we want to be with one person but not before we get all the play out of our systems.– Travis, 29

Men are creatures of the moment. It has nothing to do with longevity. And we, for the most part, succumb to the moment. And I agree with Travis, there is a bit of emotion that goes hand-in-hand with sex and as crass as it may sound, I might be emotionally attached to your a*s in the air, but only for that moment. Women put too much stock in their box – like it’s gold – but for us it’s just a warm, wet, hole. We’re physical and visual. I see therefore, I like. If I can get it, great! If not, on to the next. That’s what it is until a man is ready to settle down but it won’t be a moment sooner. – Mike B., 31

I’ve had sex with men I didn’t feel emotionally attached to and actually indulged in the physical with the intentions of letting it go after that night, but I can’t do that anymore! I am not that girl! See, I’m sort of vain and my thinking was: “Oh, he’ll be back. I’m irresistible. He’ll be back.” And then he doesn’t call, text, nothing! That right there took way too many shots to my pride. That did emotional damage for sure because I’m busy trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and in reality, it was the choices I was making. But now, if I’m not in a committed relationship, I’m not having sex. That’s not necessarily what I want to do because I do have needs but that’s more what I have to do to.– Meghan, 30

I’ve lived life as a man at one point. I used to have sex with men just because they were good in bed or because I needed it. It was always safe sex, but at that time I was disenchanted with the idea of being in a relationship. But the twisted part is, if I was interested in someone I wasn’t having sex with him, he had to wait but I would have, you know, a boy toy on the side. But now that I’m over that phase of my life I can admit it got boring and lonely! That’s nothing I care to revisit but, hey, it makes me who I am today. – Raquel, 28

Okay, take a man, and let’s say he’s fairly good-looking, has a job and a car and money … now add the power of choice. Unfortunately, men who have direction and a plan in life, regardless of how big or small their fortune are no good. Men who have a variety of options – even the scrubs – are in drill mode. Not strings attached, no catching feelings, just sex with as many women as possible. Now that I’m older, I see it’s destructive and, frankly, it gets old fast. You start to feel empty and like a … like a sex machine! Then you’re really messed up because you don’t what you want when decide to give up on that lifestyle. I think it’s called ‘rock bottom.’ Uh, it’s not the best thing to do, in my opinion, but it’s how we’re wired. – Jamal, 32

I can’t do it. I don’t even try to convince myself otherwise. I was a wreck when I broke up with my last boyfriend of four years and I was like, ‘you know what? I’m going to get all dressed up and go out and have a one night stand,’ thinking it would help me get over him. Because Lord knows, he was out doing his thing with other women if he wasn’t to begin with, you know? So I was like, ‘I’m gonna do it too,’ like an in your face type of attitude, but I just couldn’t do it. Deep down I know I can’t separate them. I’m not the casual sex kind of girl because if he doesn’t call me back, I need answers or I’m getting revenge. – Marcia, 27

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Have a wonderful weekend! And please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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