Sextra: Physical vs. Emotional Cheating

- By Bossip Staff

What’s the difference many would ask. But apparently, for some, a sexual affair outside of the relationship is not a deal-breaker or a means to an end. After speaking to a few people, in terms of physical infidelity the general idea is: sometimes these things happen. Infidelity with emotional investment, however, normally means it’s over! This idea deserves some exploration because sex outside of a committed relationship, it seems, is becoming something that’s quickly omitted while an emotional affair will send someone running to the hills! So what’s the point of COMMITMENT if it’s often violated? It’s completely crazy to imagine that we now have to ask, “you cheated on me? Okay, well … what kind of cheating was it? Did you make love to him/her or was it just casual sex? Because it’d be okay if you just had a fling.” The odd twist of it all is, friendship is supposed to be the foundation of all relationships that are worthwhile and as a rule, we forgive our friends, right? It deserves some discussion! Take a look at what some folks had to say. Oh, and by the way, happy Friday Bossip Readers!

Aw please! I’ve been married for 13 years and I know my husband be doing his thing but I don’t ask questions I might like the answer. Listen, when you have kids and a house and other financial obligations don’t nobody have the time or the money for a divorce! It’s just not a priority in the grand scheme of things. I’m not having sex with him so he’s got to get it from somewhere else and if he comes home happy I’m thanking this b*tch. We’re a fairly happy couple but we’ve definitely had our struggles and when we do I know what time it is. He don’t bring that crap home. The bills are paid, the cars are in the garage, the kids are fed and he does all he needs to do on the home front so I don’t care that he gets around from time to time. I’m not a young as he likes them, I guess, but I’m not above letting him having sex with other women occasionally slide. The biggest double standard is this, if I slept with another man he’d be out the door! Ain’t that nothing? – Harper, 36

Man, if my wife cheats on me it’s not only physical it’s emotional. That’s why they (women) cheat! We do it because we’re greedy. That’s no excuse but it’s what it is! We’ll drink a whole carton of juice and leave a swallow, that’s inconsiderate as hell, right? That’s a bad example but that’s how we treat our relationships also. We’ll ride it out until it’s falling apart and can’t go any further and wonder why it’s not working. Because you didn’t take care of it like the treasure it is and want it to be now that you’ve destroyed it. So if she’s creeping, I’m fu*#king up and she’s pretty much over me… so why bother? I think the signs are there way before the cheating takes place but when you’re so used to being with a certain person for an extended amount of time, it’s hard to let go. – Dre, 29

I would be hurt either way, but I think it would sting more if my husband was emotionally invested in someone else. Both are deal-breakers. The moment I catch him cheating or if he confessed it to me, I got to go. I mean, I’ve been with my husband for 3 years now and even though it’s not easy we make it work. I love my husband and I would be hurt if I even suspected he was cheating. But I say these things now like I would bounce or I would leave him but until you’re confronted with the situation you’ll never know. I think I might try to work it out but how do you come back from that? I just don’t see it happening. – Kelly, 31

I was married and my wife cheated several times. I admit now that I might have been married to my work and neglected her in many ways. So when I found out the first time I was like I’m slipping somewhere because for a woman to cheat she’s lacking from me. I thought that paying the bills and working hard so that we could take those lavish vacations and put our kids in good schools was all I needed to do, so I didn’t leave because I recognized the error of my ways and tried to work it out. Then she did it again and I was like what did I miss? I thought we were on the right track. And I stayed, that time, for the sake of my kids all the while still trying to work on my marriage, which was broken beyond repair in hindsight. You know, there’s only so much a person can take before they just…. before they crack. But for me, I just wanted to know that I had given it all I could before I said, “forget this.” -Anthony, 35

If my man is having an emotional affair, it’s over. Done. Physical cheating I can get over with time but that texting back and fourth or calling each other, I might have to cut somebody. I can get over him having sex with someone because that kind of stuff can happen by chance. Men are notorious for getting caught up in a fat one, they’re visual beings. But I would have to call it quits if he was emotionally attached to another woman. The way I see it is, go be with her if you’re smitten, you know? It would take a larger shot to my pride if he weren’t mentally and emotionally content with our relationship. – Dawn, 30

Please discuss!

Have and wonderful weekend and please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to!

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  • Hannibal


  • Hannibal


  • CW

    cheating is cheating…bottom line, if you stay, it will happen again, so if you don’t care, then stay and do you…but i personally say cheating either way is a deal breaker..there’s nothing to work should have thought of that before you stepped out, so since you didn’t, i don’t need to work anything out with you…simple as that…you get what you give….the golden rule…

  • sinista

    Everyone lives by a double standard! Thats the way life is. People are going to do what they want regardless so might as well let them live…..

  • Coren

    S c o t t says, “Time and tide wait for no man.” I think ” F a t e and l o v e wait for no one!” So I recently joined a nice platform
    ***** B l a c k w h i t e R o m a n c e.c o m ***** to find my true LOVE….Im lucky!! It is destined that you can also meet your love…..GO and have a try…..

  • pieface

    The way I was raised intimacy is sacred. If you’re in a relationship that’s the only one you should be emotionally, physically, mentally attached to. If I was in a serious relationship and my partna cheated on me. IT’S OVER bottom line. I have no tolerance for cheating no matter the BS people of today try to put it. If your fu**ing someone else and coming home to me there’s a huge problem because you’re putting my life in danger. You have no idea where that person has been and what they’re doing when they are not with you. So I wish you the best you cheating no good dog

  • sean-slade

    If my lady cheats I’m out the door with my sons. And every go dd am thing I ever purchased for my condo.

  • Man, I just don't care™

    there is no such thing as “emotional” cheating…

  • Wow...

    I’m sorry ya’ll, but I can’t get down with lettin’ men slide cuz their visual beings bs. Call me ol’ school if you want to, but I’ve been married for 8 years (together for 10) and I WISH my husband would go outside our marriage! He would find himself on the outside lookin’ in quick. For those of you that are okay with your spouse creepin’ let me ask you this – WHY BOTHER GETTING MARRIED IF THE VOWS YOU TAKE DON’T MEAN SH*T? Might as well stay non-committed boyfriend and girlfriend if that’s they way you roll.

    I swear the sanctity of marriage is going to hell in a handbasket cuz women are now justifying cheating on certain terms. Bit*ch please!!!!

    • Northern Cali Honey

      Somebody needs to teach these stupid h0es!! You said it perfectly!!

  • resurrected

    Nothing just happens it is always created you can keep lying to yourself if you want too… Men seem to have to experience losing the world before they get that woman are human just like them and pain seperates everything. You might be able to get the cat from other women fairly easily but a good person, friend and lover is very hard to find and she does not just walk across your path everything and the same goes for a good man…

  • Natasy

    I cheated emotionally, my hubby had a hard time forgiving me because sexually we were happy. I was gone a lot because of work but i realized that if and when he did cheat on me I would be leaving out the door like the house was on fire. Couldn’t be so hypocritical. He forgave me. Marriage is hard and if you want to stay married you have to take the good with the bad, if it’s worth saving.

  • 2dimplzs

    Either situation is a deal breaker for me because once the trust factor is broken that’s it. I can’t be married to you anymore when I know deep down I don’t trust you and I don’t want to live with the nagging doubt of “I wonder if he’s where he says he is? If so who is he with? Why is he gone so long?”

    Marriage to me is the most sacred and intimate bond that a man and woman can enter into. You are sharing your life, heart, mind, body and soul with the one person you’ve vowed before God to love forever. You’re not supposed to hurt the ones you love, and if you truly love your mate YOU WON’T CHEAT ON THEM – emotionally or physically.

    No trust = no marriage.

  • lil ms phyre

    Cheating is a need to fill a personal void. It has nothing to do with the other person because if that other person was not making u happy u would leave. Cheating starts with in and with lack of confidence, lack of esteem, and lack of love for self.

    If women cheat because their partner is not fulfilling an emotional need, then that is a need that noone could fill…she has to first fill that void herself and if that void was filled from with in then she would be smart and loving of oneself enough to leave.

    If a man cheats because he is greedy then he has lack of self control and could also be deemed as insecure. Temptation is always there…it will never go away as long as u are human. But its how u react to temptations that will root and ground ur relationship.

    If u respected urself then u wouldn’t cheat. Cheating is wreckless and unsafe. It starts with in urself. Period.


    CW your comment is on point.

    When men and women cheat, they are basically saying they could care less about their relationship. I made sure I told my man that when I met him.

    -If you cheat, there will be no working things out.

    Thank you.

  • Damn its Friday Yes lawd.......

    Can we just get past the differences why men and women cheat I mean damn women are just as visual as men and cheat as does anyone else because its a decision they’ve made. This whole if a woman cheats it means her man ain’t filling her emotional needs and she only cheats as a result of finding someone to listen to her, Blah, Blah, Blah, please miss me with that shyt and step into reality. Anyone male or female that cheats does so because its what he or she wants to do, is smitten with the person they are to have an affair with or flat out don’t give a shyt and enjoys the thrill of forbidden pleasure….miffugas that cheat are people that need to be single and for go relationships until they have grown past their whorish ways…….

  • resurrected

    Temptation is always there…it will never go away as long as u are human. But its how u react to temptations that will root and ground ur relationship.

    If u respected urself then u wouldn’t cheat. Cheating is wreckless and unsafe. It starts with in urself. Period.
    This one is so on point to me temptation will always be around so when will the man the human being raise above there wreckless actions and puzzy is not more important the family…

  • Damn its Friday Yes lawd.......

    Skipping the dumb shyt EVERYONE that cheats does so due to a physical attraction to that other person if not it wouldn’t elevate to that level period…..muffugas kill me with the excuses. My husband doesn’t listen to me and my emotional needs aren’t being met…LOL. its a lot of crunchy looking brothas that will listen to a sista, meet all her emotional needs but you won’t find thats who she feels understands her…it’s always some smooth nika, her friend hooked her up with or some playa she met in the club.

  • Damn its Friday Yes lawd.......

    I used to do a lot of married women prior to getting married myself and in every case they were swayed out to the clubs by their single girlfriends who continually harped on the fact that they acted like their husbands owned them and that they had a right to go out a party because men do it all the time. They used to tell me their husbands were good dudes but that things had become kinda routine, they didn’t like their girlfriends (they have good reason because they are the ones that steer them towards brothas like me) you know the type…girl he fine, shyt if you don’t I will, he won’t know if you don’t tell him..besides if you listen to a woman long enough she’ll pretty much print a playa a road map to them draws by complaining about what her man ain’t doing thus the playa fronts and does those things and she thinks he’s much better than her man thats been there thru think and thin not realizing shes played herself and once playa hits tha draws and hopefully gets her dyckmatized not only does he stop doing all those little things he only did for the coochie now he most likely got her going in her purse breaking bread for tha dyck….sad when the shyt she siad made her so unhappy was actually so fuggin minor…..

  • Shamerika

    This is so lame. EMOTIONAL CHEATING IS EVERYWHERE! If you let your man go around screwing h*es, then that’s you. Dont be mad when you catch a disease. Why do people not get divorced? It’s the STUPIDEST thing! Just get divorced! It’s sad to see a married couple and not having any intimacy (obviously no love what-so-ever)…WHY YALL TOGETHER FOR? JUST TO NOT PAY FOR DIVORCE? HELL NAWL!

    My man and I are two individuals who know if we bout to screw another’s best we leave each other alone. WE SHOULD ALL BE GROWN FOLKS AND JUST LEAVE AND GET ON WIT’ IT.

  • drenk

    by emotional you mean the d.1.c.k. is in right…?

  • 5'10"STUNNER

    I don’t think anyone CARES about relationships anymore. lol.

  • I'm Just Me: Keeping It Real Since: 1983...HE'S HOME

    @ Mocha and Pynk

    This is crazy! Any other Friday this thread would have had 350+ now.

    Who is Mr. 3000 BTW?

  • MochaLove

    @I’m Just Me: Keeping It Real Since: 1983…HE’S HOME

    @ Mocha and Pynk
    This is crazy! Any other Friday this thread would have had 350+ now.
    Who is Mr. 3000 BTW?

    Your guess id as good as mine. All I know is, him and few others (who shall remain nameless) sour the mood for me! *Sigh* Anyhow, happy Friday! I’m off in 20 and I’m hitting the bar! Have a great weekend!

  • MochaLove


  • MochaLove

    @ Book Worm

    Way to slice him. I would’ve been more than happy to respond to Mr. 3000 but I don’t think I need to say anything more!

    Thank you and have a wonderful weekend! I’m gone fore real this time! 😉

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