Dear Bossip: My Guy Falls . . . Short!

- By Bossip Staff

Hello,

I have a question for you. I have a significant friend and we are dating and things are really good. He is thoughtful, sweet and considerate. We have alot in common and we are great together…outside of the bedroom. This guy really knows how to rev up my engine but, then falls short. When we have sex I can barely feel him and then he’s a two-minute brother. Also, he doesn’t know how to stroke or just make love period. Should I walk away from him because of this or should I try to make it work (It’s hard enough trying to find a good man in this day and age anyway)? Do you have any tips or advice on how to make our bedroom relationship blossom as well. Are there any tips for enhancement if the man is kind of short, goes limp fast and does not know how to make love? PLEASE HELP!!

PS: In case you’re wondering…I have tried to coach and guide him in a loving and sexual way but…it’s not working 😦

Hey sis! First, thank you for writing in and sharing your story! This is the realest example of “you just cant’ have it all!” Here you have this nice guy you’re feeling, you have fun with him and he’s everything you could ever want in a partner . . . but . . . the sex is a dud. Ugh! So what do you do? Do you quit him because he’s not well endowed and not the best lover or do find a way to work through this? As hard as it is to find a compatible mate these days, you should at least try all you can to help the matter before you decide to bail!

Here’s the deal, any man who is good in bed has either been taught or did an insurmountable amount of research – either way, it’s trial and error for a while. From what you’ve described, you have the guy who needs to be taught and although you say you’ve tried, it all about the approach! You used the words “coaching”and “guiding” which, ultimately, sounds like a student-teacher kind vibe like you’re instructing him. And when you do that, you can expect a crushed ego and some resistance.This is how you’re going to have to do it: tell him what you like/want. Describe to him all the things you like done to you. You can start off with something like, “I love when a man does . . .” Men don’t like to be upstaged or compared and even though you’re not comparing, you’re mentioning the things you like that he hasn’t done and because of this, he’ll try it! Once he does, that’s when the “teaching” comes in but make sure you preface your preferences with positive. Example, “oh, baby. That feels so good, could you do that a little slower please?” Show him your “hotspots” and ask him to do the same things there. For maximum results, you have to be willing to do the same. Ask him what he likes/wants and deliver! Set the tone by taking your time and showing him that you want to please him also and that there’s no rush! Grind on him and kiss him slow and mention you like a slow bedroom tempo. With that kind of verbiage and example, he should be able to read between the lines and try to improve his endurance by whatever means are most comfortable to him. But you can’t go suggesting that he do kegel exercises to keep it up. It’s going to take time so if you decide to try and work it out, be committed to it and prepare yourself for good and not-so-good nights!

There’s nothing you can do about his manly dimensions and if he’s too short for you, you already know and it’s something you can either accept or reject. Please remember though, it’s not always about the size. Some men who are aren’t as well furnished are excellent lovers and know how to sexually please a woman with precision, despite his size! Your man could be one of those guys but has yet to learn how to work with his. This goes both ways, you can have a very well endowed man who can only last two minutes and not know how to stroke, he also needs some “coaching!” So let’s not harp on the size, right? Sex is a huge variable in a relationships and if he’s truly invested in what the two of you are building, he’ll do what it takes to improve his bedroom skills. Work with the man, sis! Work with him!

What do you think she should do, Bossip readers?

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • Sha

    Paging Jada Pinkett Smith…..

  • LYRICS

    LMAO @SHA!!

    PERFECT WAY 2 FIX IT!!!!!!

    IF U DON’T TELL HOMIE WHAT UR BODY NEEDS N’ HE HASN’T FIGURED IT OUT…..WELL DAMN HUN U GOTTA SPEAK UP!!!!!!!!! HE’S NEVER GONNA KNOW THAT HE’S ‘GETTIN’ IT IN’ UNLESS U TELL HIM!!! COMMUNICATE!!!!!

  • Syreeta

    Bail!

  • Monique

    Do what i do and just get some thug dikk on the side while he be at work. He wont no the difference.

  • http://internetmodeling.com/1341 www.internetmodeling.com/1341

    Just get a vibrator

    MODELS WANTED check out my link

  • MAGGS

    @MONIQUE
    LOL, R U SERIOUS?

  • Say What???

    @ Monique – my thoughts exactly!

  • http:chokolatemilk.blogspot.com Choco

    This is interesting I dated a guy briefly that I thought had it going on and he did not in the bedroom I settled for it for a little while but thoughts of my ex and how he s e x e d me kept popping into my head so I would say eventually if he doesn’t satisfy you the relationship will not last.

  • pieface

    I would have to agree with cat eyes on your maturity level

  • Monique

    @ MAGGS

    Im just keeping it real. Im aint gonna front and live my life without no good dikk but on the otherhand i aint gonna dump a man if hes a good earner. Besides my mama likes him. Its all about finding the right men for the right purposes. One to help pay the bills and take me out to dinner and the one to fugg me real good. As long as i keep one from the other its all good. No harm, no foul. Its all about me and my needs.

  • MAGGS

    @ MONIQUE

    GOTCHA

  • farealllllll724

    **4. get him a C.O..C..K….RING-MAKES HIM LAST LONGER

  • R_U_Trying_To_Prove_Her_Right?

    Word of advice to that brother:

    If you are weak in the hips,
    you had better be strong in the
    lips.

    You had better learn to treat “it”
    as a munch-able, lunch-able, and
    get a HUNCH(able) —

    She’s not a HORSE to be ridden,
    she is a MEAL to be savored.

  • ErycaK

    @Monique..

    You are brutally honest but telling the truth. lol

  • ReALiSt AKA ReALeSt (BdAy WiShEs: AfRiCa MuSt WaKe Up & ThIs GeNeRaTn MuSt MaKe A ChAnGe)

    Hey beautiful, you need my chronicle of mandingo – once I go into the wilderness; I stay there for 40days and 40nights with no ventilation rocking the creamy walls and moldy floor.. I go fast & rough – then switch lanes, going slow and smooth.. Holla at the realist on 1-800-realist!!

  • IHATEBROKEPEOPLE

    SOME TIMES ITS JUST SO SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD U JUST CANT HELP BUT GET THAT 1ST ONE OUT THE WAY LITTLE ***** OR NOT !!!
    ——————————————————-
    True! None of boyfriends could last for more than five minutes after I clamped down on them with the coochie muscles. it made them have multiples. I got four marriage proposals over the last 15 years. LOL

  • B3 Fearless

    ^^^LOL

  • Mock Rock Star

    Get someone on the side…my answer for everything 😉

  • Kris

    I went through the same thing with my boyfriend now husband. Except he’s not small, not small at all, he just had no clue what he was doing, and whatever it was that he was doing, it only lasted a good 60 seconds. And like what someone else said, I found myself thinkin about sex-with-my-ex. Who cheated on me constantly and lied constantly (probably why he was so good in bed, he had been with everybody and their mom, literally) Anyway, my husband is/was too good of a man to let go, so I worked with him. But you have to be honest without killing his ego. I’m sure he already knows something aint right, he’s just waiting for you to say something. The way i solved it was by letting him get one first then getting him excited again, and that way he lasts longer. Plus I had to be very vocal and tell him exactly what to do. But he gets it now, so its all worth it. I don’t know what to do about the size issue though, he definitely doesn’t have that problem

  • Kris

    @IHATEBROKEPEOPLE ok girl I have to know. WTH do you do with a mascara brush?

  • You already know!

    @Monique

    Would you tell a man to do the same thing if his woman was bad in bed?

  • Du Juan&Only

    @ReALiSt AKA ReALeSt (BdAy WiShEs: AfRiCa MuSt WaKe Up & ThIs GeNeRaTn MuSt MaKe A ChAnGe

    She wants help…NOT U!

  • http://twitter.com/thugpundit Clarkekent3000

    @Here’s Johnny!!
    =================================================
    exactly!
    w.w.w.n.o.m.a.r.r.i.a.g.e.c.o.m

  • B3 Fearless

    @Mock Rock Star

    Lol @ “Fornicator!” comment

    Yeah Yeah I know. Well you better get used to the whining Ms. Mommy to Be! 😛

    Be careful what you wish for my cousin whom I love dearly has the situation you’re trying to have and while it worked sexually the dynamics between the 3 of them outside of the bedroom is not cool. There is some one who ALWAYS ends up being the odd woman (or man) out no matter how many times everyone agrees to be open & honest and do everything in the bedroom together.

    Too much drama.

  • http://twitter.com/thugpundit Clarkekent3000

    ooops
    surely having little bad azz crumb s*n*a*c*t*h*e*r*s without any home training…

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