Dear Bossip: My Guy Falls . . . Short!

- By Bossip Staff

Hello,

I have a question for you. I have a significant friend and we are dating and things are really good. He is thoughtful, sweet and considerate. We have alot in common and we are great together…outside of the bedroom. This guy really knows how to rev up my engine but, then falls short. When we have sex I can barely feel him and then he’s a two-minute brother. Also, he doesn’t know how to stroke or just make love period. Should I walk away from him because of this or should I try to make it work (It’s hard enough trying to find a good man in this day and age anyway)? Do you have any tips or advice on how to make our bedroom relationship blossom as well. Are there any tips for enhancement if the man is kind of short, goes limp fast and does not know how to make love? PLEASE HELP!!

PS: In case you’re wondering…I have tried to coach and guide him in a loving and sexual way but…it’s not working 😦

Hey sis! First, thank you for writing in and sharing your story! This is the realest example of “you just cant’ have it all!” Here you have this nice guy you’re feeling, you have fun with him and he’s everything you could ever want in a partner . . . but . . . the sex is a dud. Ugh! So what do you do? Do you quit him because he’s not well endowed and not the best lover or do find a way to work through this? As hard as it is to find a compatible mate these days, you should at least try all you can to help the matter before you decide to bail!

Here’s the deal, any man who is good in bed has either been taught or did an insurmountable amount of research – either way, it’s trial and error for a while. From what you’ve described, you have the guy who needs to be taught and although you say you’ve tried, it all about the approach! You used the words “coaching”and “guiding” which, ultimately, sounds like a student-teacher kind vibe like you’re instructing him. And when you do that, you can expect a crushed ego and some resistance.This is how you’re going to have to do it: tell him what you like/want. Describe to him all the things you like done to you. You can start off with something like, “I love when a man does . . .” Men don’t like to be upstaged or compared and even though you’re not comparing, you’re mentioning the things you like that he hasn’t done and because of this, he’ll try it! Once he does, that’s when the “teaching” comes in but make sure you preface your preferences with positive. Example, “oh, baby. That feels so good, could you do that a little slower please?” Show him your “hotspots” and ask him to do the same things there. For maximum results, you have to be willing to do the same. Ask him what he likes/wants and deliver! Set the tone by taking your time and showing him that you want to please him also and that there’s no rush! Grind on him and kiss him slow and mention you like a slow bedroom tempo. With that kind of verbiage and example, he should be able to read between the lines and try to improve his endurance by whatever means are most comfortable to him. But you can’t go suggesting that he do kegel exercises to keep it up. It’s going to take time so if you decide to try and work it out, be committed to it and prepare yourself for good and not-so-good nights!

There’s nothing you can do about his manly dimensions and if he’s too short for you, you already know and it’s something you can either accept or reject. Please remember though, it’s not always about the size. Some men who are aren’t as well furnished are excellent lovers and know how to sexually please a woman with precision, despite his size! Your man could be one of those guys but has yet to learn how to work with his. This goes both ways, you can have a very well endowed man who can only last two minutes and not know how to stroke, he also needs some “coaching!” So let’s not harp on the size, right? Sex is a huge variable in a relationships and if he’s truly invested in what the two of you are building, he’ll do what it takes to improve his bedroom skills. Work with the man, sis! Work with him!

What do you think she should do, Bossip readers?

Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

More Stories From Bossip

Comments

Bossip Comment Policy
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.