Bertha Yalter charged with attempted murder of husband

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Fellas, let this be a lesson to you. Don’t give your old work your new address. Especially if you’ve been married for a very long time!

Florida is always good for some shenanigans but this one is wild as hell even by their standards. According to a DailyMail report, a 71-year-old Miami Beach white woman named Bertha Yalter has been arrested and charged with attempted murder in the second degree, aggravated battery against an elderly person, and tampering with a witness or victim. That victim just so happens to be her husband of 52 years Memo Yalter.

Why would Big Bad Bertha do such things to her half-a-century love bug? Well, the police report states that Bertha became enraged after Memo received a postcard from his ex-girlfriend. An ex-girlfriend who he dated back in the 1960s BEFORE THEY WERE EVEN MARRIED! Memo called 911 to report that Bertha was trying to kill him. When police arrived at the scene they described him as being in an “extremely fragile” state with “‘several serious bruises and open lacerations, as well as open bite marks that were bleeding”.

Memo said that Bertha attempted to smother him to death with a pillow and stole his cell phone so that he couldn’t call for help.

Not for nothing, this ex must have been the Beyoncé of her day if she got Bertha THIS pressed after 64 years.

For her part, Bertha fully admitted to everything she was accused of and a judge denied her bond and remanded her to custody at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center. until her trial on Feb. 1.

Flordia, ladies and gentlemen.