Are You Too Picky?

- By Bossip Staff

Good Day, Bossip Readers! Here’s to another “Almost There Thursday!” So the question of the day is: are you too picky? Many of us can relate to this ordeal, right? He’s small, you prefer tall but he treats you like a precious gem. Or, she’s a lil meaty, you prefer slim but she treats you like a king and makes a mean pancake breakfast. Or, on a not so superficial level, maybe he or she is super religious and you can’t remember the last time you stepped inside a church. Maybe he’s a smoker and you can’t stand the smell but the connection cannot be denied. Not too many of us can say that we’ve never grappled with specifics when it comes to committing to someone but have you let too many “good ones” get away? Of course, everyone has their “types” or preferences but are you picky to a fault? Are you picky to a point where your persnickety taste is keeping you from being in a fulfilling relationship? Take a look at what some folks had to say!

Guilty, guilty guilty! I fell in love, well, in retrospect I guess it was infatuation, really. But I was so into this guy and he was fine! I mean, if I had put a dream man together in my head, he was the physical manifestation. Beautiful. Anyway, we dated for a while and ended up moving in together after about a year. The whole time we dated, there were things that I knew would be problematic but I was so in love it didn’t matter. Once the looks wore off, baby, he wasn’t worth a damn. He was so weak and childish and I finally realized what an a*shole he really was. I was so turned-off by that. It was a wake-up call because he was packaged nice but an empty box at the end of the day. Now, I date all kinds of men. Short, chubby, goofy, lanky – I don’t care because if we have a connection and he treats me right that’s all that matters. I can work with that. -Shay, 29

Yes! I know I’m too picky. The crazy part about it is, I’m so far from perfect myself but I know what I want, I guess. I like a women who takes care of herself, keeps her hair and nails done (without my assistance), I want her to cook, clean and, of course, she’s got to be fine and the sex has to be on point. The more I date, the more I find that’s asking a lot. It’s almost to a point where I’m like okay, maybe she doesn’t have to cook but then I feel like I’m “settling.” I thought what I’m looking for is practical but apparently, like I said, it’s asking a lot. I’m willing to overlook some things but I will admit that I’m way too picky. – Terrance, 32

My friends think I’m too picky but I don’t. I like good-looking men with athletic builds and anything outside of that is a no. I’m starting to think I’m overly picky because I’m still single and my relationships end up in the crapper, without fail. But you know what they say, “everything that looks good to you ain’t good for you” and I’m learning the hard way that it’s true. I’m chasing a look but I just can’t see myself with anyone who doesn’t match my ideal guy, you know? I know it’s shallow but what can you do? I don’t know? – Sherry, 33

I think you should be picky to a degree. I married my ex at a very young age and her family goes hard in the paint, they were very heavy drinkers and smokers but my ex wasn’t into that, so she said. I don’t drink nor smoke and she didn’t either when we first met, so she said but I should’ve known better. About two years into our marriage she would come home from being with her bothers and sisters high and drunk and blamed me for stressing her to where she felt she needed to do these things. But she liked it! So, come on. That’s not all the reason why we divorced but it played part. I have a girlfriend now and guess what? She drinks and smokes! I don’t mind it too much because she was honest with me but before, that was a deal breaker for me. – Tony, 30

I learned my lesson a long time ago. I can’t get caught up in someone’s looks. He may look good but be a no-good man. He may be gorgeous on the outside but has ugly ways. It’s not always about the outer because looks are deceiving and the devil is a liar! So I go out of my way to get to know someone before get involved. I can grow to love someone and the time it takes to grow with someone is much more rewarding because falling out of love can happen over night. So I’d much rather do the slow burn when it comes to these matters. You never know who you’ll end up loving just be open to it. – Janet, 31

I dated this girl back in my twenties and she was so sweet. She would do anything for me and she was a really good friend and, overall, a really good person. But she was thick and I mean thick. At the time, I couldn’t get past it. I said nah, I can’t be with a big girl and she wasn’t big,big . . . just thick. She loved my a*s too. I think she hoped that someday we would be together longterm but she gave up and we lost touch. About two years and two breakups later I looked her up and found her and she told me she was happily married. I was a little hurt because I thought we could finally give it a try because I was ready for someone real in my life. He’s a lucky dude because she is a really good person. – Larry, 36

What are your thoughts Bossip Readers? Please discuss!

Remember to email your topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • tg

    No I don’t think I’m too picky. But I do have a couple of preferences – if no one minds. If you have any self-esteem, you wouldn’t just settle for ANYTHING. People are allowed to have preferences. If you are too picky – you may end up alone – so that’s totally on the person.

  • loc

    I’m not picky I have standards and morals

  • lani3000

    thats what I been saying

  • J

    I knowwwww I’m picky! But I’m changing that. I’m 31 and he’s 22 and treats me better than ANYBODY ever has! Thanking God for this man!

  • http://lecoil.tumblr.com/ Educated Goon

    I’m not picky, but I only choose who I can see myself with….People know what they like and what they are compatible with.

  • Soul Touch

    Thank you loc

    Like you said: “I’m not picky, I have standards and morals”.

    How would I look with some fool shacking up on MY house, sleeping in while I get up to go to work and to pay the mortgage, then have to wait for him to pick me up in MY car after work. All the while he has three kids by four women (I know the math is off lol) with no vision of his future. Sounds silly, but I know enough women who do it.

    …not I.

  • Lea

    This topic is stupiddd

  • honeyxxx

    Hmm i dont think i started off being picky…my first bf was 5 yrs older than me and the relationship lasted 7 years and he was just standard looking and not educated… but he grew into the most beautiful man. when we broke up i dated a few guys guy my own age (24 at the time) and omgosh NEVER AGAIN

    the last one was a complete d**k and had total small wi**y syndrome – thought he was the dogs bol***ks when in reality he was quite weighty and abit geeky he was educated and thought he knew everything!! now 4 months on i have some boxes that need to be ticked before he moves on to round two… 😉

    MUST BE OLDER is a definate

  • No u can't be boyfriend #2!

    Being picky get’s you everywhere you need to be in life!

    And by the way it’s really called ‘having HIGH STANDARDS’!!!…nothing wrong with that!

  • Thicklikecornbread

    I am NOT too picky. And, now, I am thinking that I should become picky.

    After coming out of a 10yr marriage, I was open to new things. I dated someone 5 yrs younger (he was sooo immature), I dated a divorced man with 2kids (he had emotional problems), I HUNG OUT with a dude who I SUSPECT is mildly mentally challenged b/c he was so stupid (I know, I know), & I have dated someone almost 20 yrs older (he had alot of baggage & emotional problems), & so on…

    I think I will become more selective. No more youngins for me & I want some1 with little to no baggage who owns a home & a car (financial stability), & who has a church home, with DECENT looks & a slim to medium sized body.

  • http://lecoil.tumblr.com/ Educated Goon

    Yella bones are all i can see myself with. Why is that a problem that I don’t find white women attractive?

  • NYSDIVA

    TERRENCE 32, If a woman can cook, clean & look good without your help what the hell she needs you for???

  • NYSDIVA

    @ EDUCATED GOON

    You only date “yella bones”??? So what if a “yella bone” refused to date you because you’re not light enough??? lol OR BIG ENOUGH???

  • You Smell Me??

    I CAN NOT DO WHITE WOMEN. PERIOD. I used to LOVE my yellow bones, but that fell by the wayside. DARK CHOCOLATE is ALL I eat now…

    Physically, she can’t be obese (or Oh BEAST as I say), and has to be shapely

    Thats the initial attraction…

  • You Smell Me??

    So I guess I’m not picky at all…

  • Sun

    Searching for a mate is like searching for a house. You know exactly what you want and what you are looking for, but it has to be within your means and what you can afford. You may want a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house, but your choices are limited if your budget is only $100,000. Same when looking for a partner. You can’t expect to get a fine looking, rich, sucessful, Harvard Educated man, if you are homely and working at Royal Farms. You have to get the best possible mate for what you are working with. You can only be picky within your means.

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    Im not very particular ABOUT LOOKS. BUT CLASS, INTELLIGENCE, PERSONALITY, MORALS, AND VALUES ARE SOME THINGS I CANNOT SACRIFICE WHEN IT COMES TO A MATE.

  • David

    I use to think I was not picky, but I guess I am. I cant seem to find a woman who fits what I think are very basic wants for me. I am only 27 though. Once I turn 30, then I may drop my standards a bit. The sad thing is that I dont think my standards are that high to begin with. I want a woman who:
    1. Dont wear weave 24/7
    2.Works out and keep her body right
    3.Goes to church
    4.Dont smoke
    5. Honest
    6. Free of Bitter friends who cant find a man who influences her thinking
    7. Finacially and mentally stable
    8. Not a hoe
    9. Not Selfish
    10. Not Argumentative
    11. Does not love drama in relationships
    12. Bitter from her previous relationship
    13. Not a Gold Digger

    Every woman that I meet breaks at least half of the things on this list. Therefore I guess my standards are too high!

  • msbliss

    I’m picky about important stuff. No drugs other than weed. One or two jobs. A car. A valid license. Hiv/sti/std free. All your teeth. Descent dresser. Not a 1,ooo kids. Good breathe. Jus basic things make or break it for me.

  • http://lecoil.tumblr.com/ Educated Goon

    @NYSDIVA

    That rarely happens.. 97.3% of Yella Bones prefer a dark chocolate man. Maybe no in NY, but down south this is the way of life.

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    i hate dudes that live off women, daddy didnt raise me that way. i hate dudes that disrespect women, daddy didnt raise me that way. i hate dudes that gossip, complain, whine, talk shyt LIKE women. NO CAN DO. its bad enough that SOME women are petty/catty. MEN TOO?

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    then their excuse is “Women do this, women do that”. DUH!!!! SO YOU’RE GONNA ACT LIKE A WOMAN, I MIGHT AS WELL BE FCKING A WOMAN. NO BUENO!!!!

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    I COULDNT SEE MYSELF BEING WITH SOMEONE BASED ON THEIR SKIN COMPLEXION WTF. IVE BEEN ATTRACTED TO ALL COMPLEXIONS. I WOULDNT EVEN BE WITH THEM BASED ON RACE. IM SORRY. MORALS, VALUES, PERSONALITY, CLASS, INTELLIGENCE, AND CHARACTER TOP MY LIST. FOLLOWED BY MONEY THEN LOOKS. LOL ~HE GOT IT ALL, AND I WANT IT ALL AND ALL AND ALL.

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    THAT’S LIKE PICKING A CAR OR DRESS BECAUSE OF IT’S COLOR? WTF?

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS

    GOT ME LIKE OH MY GOD IM SO IN LOVE. I FOUND YOU FINALLY. YOU MAKE ME WANNA SAY O -O- O – O OH MY GOD.

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