Bossip, Bossip. Can you help me? Prolly not but a n*gga needs to vent. I am a proud husband, father and provider. I’m everything my father wasn’t. I did not know him as a child. I know that I am blessed every time I pay my bills and kiss my kids goodnight. Just to give you an idea of the sacrifices I’ve made to make sure my family is straight how about this. I met my wife in college in South Carolina and we dated off and on and we lost touch after I graduated. Long story short we linked up through mutual friend a few years later and we ended up getting married 2 years later. Everything was cool and when we had our twins she said she wanted to be closer to her family. It just so happened that my job had a position available in New Jersey and I transferred so she could be closer to her family in New York. I hate it up here only because the cost of living is out of control but it’s what my wife wanted so we’re here. Three years later we had our third child and I couldn’t be a happier man to have 3 strong, young men in the making. In the beginning, she told me that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom once she had the kids and I supported that. I even picked up a part-time night job as door security to make that happen. It was the smart thing to do at the time because daycare for twins as infants would have been really expensive. Then by the time my youngest came along it was the same story. Well we’re in a recession. My youngest is now 5 and will be starting kindergarten in a few weeks but my wife is throwing me shade because I told her to get a job! I don’t care what it is, it could be part time but if she could just work so we could get our savings back in place and put whatever she makes in a college fund for the boys. Is that too much to ask? She hasn’t spoken to me in weeks because she says she needs time to recover from being bound to the children and that I’m asking too much. I think she’s full of sh*t and has gotten used to living the life of Suzy Homemaker. I’m not asking her to do it forever but just so we can save and take vacations without having to count every cent or play catch up when we get back. Apparently I’m asking too much but I thought that was the point of partnership. She ain’t talking to me and I don’t care cause I ain’t going nowhere and neither is she. She needs to get a job and I hope she reads this. Thank you.
Good day to you, sir! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. Before anything else, hats off to you for being a stand-up man, husband and father! So you’ve been busting your b*lls to take care of your family and now you feel you deserve a little support from your wife. Are you being unreasonable? No, you’re not asking too much at all, however, pulling together as team is, perhaps, the hardest part of marriage for some. Regardless of your ideals and what you believe partnership should be, it’s clear the two of you aren’t seeing eye-to-eye on this one. But all hope is not lost! Your youngest son is going to school this year (which she might have a hard time coping with) and once he does, she won’t know what to do with herself! She will be so bored. It might be all the initiative she needs to seek and secure employment! You’re 10 steps ahead of her and she’ll probably arrive to the same conclusion once your son goes to school.
Another thing to consider, she’s been at home for quite some time now, she may be be feeling uncomfortable with the idea of returning to the workforce. She may not feel confident she will be a valuable asset to a working team. She might be frightened by the thought of failure or being fired or not being able to keep a schedule to where she can be home in time for the kids. With a little patience and open communication she might share what’s got her shaken up by the idea of being a working mom. You know her well enough to know the best approach to get the best response! Give her a tentative timeline, “hey baby, if you to do this, we can have this saved by this time and we can finally take that trip we’ve been talking about.” Paint a mental picture for her and let her know you’ll support her through this as well but it’s not an option at this time and you need her to have your back like you’ve had hers, period. If she can’t understand that, then you’ll have to decide your next move from there.
Since the both of you “ain’t going nowhere,” you will find a way to work it out and she’ll, more than likely, come around! Sounds like you’ve been living by the “happy wife, happy life” motto and you’re pretty much over it considering all you’ve invested and sacrificed to keep your family together and there is no doubt you deserve more support. But here’s the upside, your three little boys have witnessed you being a father and husband and the example and impression you’ve made, despite your upbringing, makes the future look a little less grim! What you’ve given to them is priceless! Hope this helps and good luck to you!
Please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to firstname.lastname@example.org!