Dear Bossip: Why Hasn’t He Called Me?

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip, my issue is not quite as long or dramatic as the others I’ve read in recent weeks and I can appreciate your diplomacy when you respond. Hopefully my situation won’t require too much of your attention. I met this guy at a networking event for work and he didn’t really rock my world or anything. I thought he was funny and the potential for good conversation was there. My last relationship ended about this time last year and I took the time I felt was necessary to heal and kind of get used to the idea of dating again. This guy that I met was cool, not really my type and a little older. He’s 38 and I’m 31 and I normally date men a little closer to my age but I THOUGHT that since this guy was a closer to 40, he’d be more mature and take dating a little more seriously than most. Anyway he called me all the time and was very persistent in his pursuit and I finally decided to go out with him. Then I began to like him, even more than I was comfortable with. We saw each other frequently over the last few months and just when I thought I could really sink into it and soak it up, he starts acting shady. He stopped coming around and calling and his excuse is he’s busy and he’s just been tired. I’m like cool, I can tell when a man needs space and so I let it be thinking he would call eventually. It’s been 3 almost 4 weeks and I have yet to hear from him! Without going into detail, I thought we hit it off really well. Why do men do this, Bossip? Why? Should I even bother with him if comes back around?

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Ahh, so the whole scenario you’ve just described happens to the best of us–men and women alike. You meet someone, you get to know each other, you hit it off and just when you think it couldn’t get any better, it suddenly fails! The rhyme and reason remains the unknown variable. Then when you’re pretty much over it, the person resurfaces wanting to pick up right where you left off offering no explanation. Sigh, the woes of dating! The irony of it is, you happened to fall for the guy that you didn’t think you shared a connection with at first! Okay, so you can take it one of two ways: this could be a good thing because you now know that you can’t put too much stock in seeing something flourish between the two of you until you can trust and believe in a solid beginning with him all over again. Or, you can chalk it as a loss and move on with someone less flakey and walk away knowing a little more about what you’re willing to accept.

However, sis, the devil is in the details that you didn’t disclose, for sure! Just how “well” did you two “hit it off?” Were you readily available each and every time he called and wanted to see you? Did you give him an all-access pass to your world? Did you call relentlessly or say something to scare the man off? Did you give him the goods, ma? Maybe you had him wide open in a way that he was uncomfortable with. Regardless of what you might have said or done, if you did anything at all, to cause his disconnect, he should be man enough to tell you. People make time to do the things WANT to do so “busy” and “tired” are excuses he’s using until he’s ready or willing to explain his position . . . which may or may not happen. What you should decide, in the meantime, is if this is something you’re willing to make time for in your life. If you feel he’s worth your time and attention, let him know he gets a pass but you’re not to be toyed with and that your time is just as valuable as his, so don’t waste it. He’s in or he’s out, your life is not a revolving door! Be warned, beginning again is tough when trust has been broken and feelings have been hurt so be ready to work!

In his defense, he could, indeed, need some space. Sometimes people get so caught up in a seemingly sprouting romance that they slip or drop the ball in other areas of their lives. Maybe it’s his job that’s been neglected. Could be a project of some kind. In worse cases, it could be family members or children that have been affected. He may need some time to catch up, realign himself or refocus. Now, could he have communicated that to you? Sure. But, this is dating. There are going to be hiccups here and there, but they certainly shouldn’t last a month! Communication is key to all relationships and if he’s shut down this early in the game . . . what does that say? Should you even bother with him should he come back around, you ask? It’s all up to you but at least hear the man out!

Why do men do that, fellas? Please discuss in the thread!

Please remember to e-maill all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • shut the fu*ck up

    fu*ck him

    • BadAzz

      THAT TITLE WAS FUNNI AS HELL LMBOO THATS WHAT THEY DO WHEN THEY FIND THEMSELVES LIKING YOU TOO! MOVE ON HE NEED TO SIT HIS OLD ASZ DOWN SOMEWHERE HOW YOU JUST GONNA STOP CALLN HER…ASZ!

  • Marquis de Sade

    Ohhh shyt!

  • bishop

    I guess there was something about you that knocked you down the totem pole of girls he was dating that he didn’t like.

  • Matix B

    I’m sorry but I’ve never sat at home staring at my phone wondering when “he” will call me. Lucky if I answer his damn phone calls in the first place…real talk.

  • Matix B

    Women need to take the dating game back.

    • It's Me

      sike, we got it on LOCK!!!

  • Glok .. Name ring bellz....No one could do it better..!!!

    CUZ HE COULD SMELL YOUR BEYONCE BREATH THROUGH HIS 3G PHONE …SCOPE,.. YOU NEED THAT IN YOUR LIFE BYTCH !

    • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

      that’s usually a deal breaker. lol. except for broke dudes lookn for a trick

  • Glok .. Name ring bellz....No one could do it better..!!!

    CUZ YOU GAVE THE PUZZY UP IN LESS THAN A HALF HR OF MEETING FOR THE 1ST TIME!

  • Matix B

    Stop swinging from a nigs balls and get a damn life.

  • I Am Legend (Allergic To Darkies)

    Cuz you were talkin his head off about some BS like the ILLUMINATI and kept sayin everything was a C-O-N spiracy

  • Matix B

    If he didn’t rock your world why the faq did you catch feelings when he split? Some girls are so faqing dumb….all flip floppy and shyt.

    • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

      Matix I sometimes err in this manner. Some girls are just used to guys kissing their azz. lol. She’s probably waiting for him to RESUME kissing her azz before she tosses him out like stale gum and he KNOWS it and is just trying to PROLONG the situation.

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

    He’s just an inexperienced lame dating for one of the first few times in his life. Toss him back. An experienced hunk will lay down the line from the top. this rookie dude is lame and yes he sounds like an UBERGAY dude I know. lol

  • Marquis de Sade

    That’s not nice. You must hate black women. Don’t you know that black women are the original mothers of the earth and should be cherished? Without black women, there would be no civilization? Shame on you, 5’10. Your hatred of black women sickens me!

  • Diana

    I think you should leave him alone. If he has been M.I.A that long. there is no excuse. If come back around dont give him the time of day. he is just playing games. When a man wants a woman he wont hide out like that.

    • star

      i totally agree…he’s not that into you, find someone who is.

  • CAT EYES

    Oh come on,do you really need to hear the answer that you already know??He’s gotten what he wanted already and moved on…

    • lily(bk's finest)

      Diogenes you can finally put down your lamp. The answer really is that simple…..

  • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

    Please! she already said DUDE is not hitting on anything and she didnt even want him. UNDESIRABLE people have a million and one TRICKS and SCHEMES to make you like them more. rotfl.

    • Glok .. Name ring bellz....No one could do it better..!!!

      YOU KNOW WHY I STOPPED CALLING YOU RIGHT?

    • Glok .. Name ring bellz....No one could do it better..!!!

      NOOOO CUZ YOU TALK TO GOT DAMN LONG… I NEED MY SLEEP WOMAN AND ALL YOU WANNA DO IZ TALK ABOUT ..YOU ,YOU, YOU…SO IM SAYING I LIKE TO LISTEN I DONT MIND, BUT GOT DAMN CAN I SAY SOMETHING !

  • aqueenwaits

    GOOD ANSWER!!!!

  • CAT EYES

    Well,if thats the case and she claims he isn’t even her type,why is she so worried about whether he calls her?Its because she gave up more than she wants to let on and now feels like a fool.

    • me

      You are so right, she gave up the goods, and now he is gone. Don’t call him girl, be strong and keep it moving. It hurts but it’s a learning lesson. He is not into you, better to find out sooner than later. Men are animals. 🙂

  • Glok .. Name ring bellz....No one could do it better..!!!

    HE STOPPED CALLING CUZ YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS ..TO GO WITH THE 5 YOU ALREADY GOT!!

  • Glok .. Name ring bellz....No one could do it better..!!!

    HE STOP CALLING CUZ YOU ASK FOR THE CHANGE OF THE 20 DOLLARS YOU HIM TO BUY ENFAMIL!

  • ??

    5″10″ are you attractive?

    • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

      i guess so.

    • I Am Legend (Allergic To Darkies)

      Shes attractive if you think Big Baby Davis would be cute with braids

    • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

      lol. who the heck is that? anyway I havent had braids since I was 7 or 8 WITH MY NATURALLY LONG REAL HAIR.

  • http://logicvigilante.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/kanyewestentourage1.jpg Slide Like a Fresh Pair of Gators

    he starts acting shady. He stopped coming around and calling and his excuse is he’s busy and he’s just been tired.
    _______________________________

    He’s not acting shady, as it was said up top and as you’ve heard before = “he’s just not into you”…

    To be straight forward and honest with you = He’s got some new pu$$y and he doesn’t want to be bothered by you…

    Oh yeah, he may come back but it’s just for some of that sweet cooch brown and nothing else because if he wanted to spend time with you he’d be doing that…

    And don’t take him back, f*ck him he’s old enough to know how to communicate properly in a relationship – have some respect for yourself and act like you have some self-worth or are you just a piece of pu$$y???

  • http://logicvigilante.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/kanyewestentourage1.jpg Slide Like a Fresh Pair of Gators

    He’s not acting shady, as it was said up top and as you’ve heard before = “he’s just not into you”…

    To be straight forward and honest with you = He’s got some new pu$$y and he doesn’t want to be bothered by you…

    Oh yeah, he may come back but it’s just for some of that sweet cooch brown and nothing else because if he wanted to spend time with you he’d be doing that…

    And don’t take him back, f*ck him he’s old enough to know how to communicate properly in a relationship – have some respect for yourself and act like you have some self-worth or are you just a piece of pu$$y???

  • A Mess

    Keep it moving. Thats the mistake that women make. They talk to one guy at a time whereas he’s talking to 5 females. This is why men are not pressed to get to know a female because your sitting there being obsessed with him. Get more than one distraction.

    • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

      Exactly and we do it better than and they end up looking stupid so they must resort to calling us h.oes just because we have the upper hand

  • RedBoi

    If you like him so much just call him. It’s 2010 you don’t have to wait around for the call you take the initiative. And if he says he’s not interested at least you have your answer

  • ??

    @ a mess

    Women are not built for the game like men. Men are warriors — we take a licking and keep on ticking. Like you said we have plan A through Z. We play the #’s game. We handle rejection well. We are bound to succeed!! In the end we WIN!

    • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

      Are you kidding? You do realize if you are what you described you do NOT represent the majority. Men dont handle rejection most resort to reputation smearing, name calling and physical/sexual abuse including STALKING once rejected.

    • http://urnotpdiddyloser 5'10" AKILLAH RICHARDS(D.K.N.Y. boys like me a lot)

      An attractive woman gets a minimum of 5 advances/propositons per DAY-that’s only counting the ACCEPTABLE OFFERS. lol. EVEN NELLY SAID WOMEN HAVE MORE PIMP JUICE THAN MEN. MEN HAVE TO BEG, PAY, AND BEG SOME MORE.

    • Mystyri

      “An attractive woman gets a minimum of 5 advances/propositons per DAY”

      SOOOOOOOO TRUE!

      “MEN HAVE TO BEG, PAY, AND BEG SOME MORE.”

      COSIGN AGAIN.
      AND THERE’S A 1% CHANCE THAT THAT BEGGING WILL WORK……TO GET THE PHONE NUMBER.

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