Bossip I have a problem with my husband!! We’re not married but we’ve been together for 15 years now so we’re pretty much married in the eyes of the law lol. Anywho, we’re getting a little older he’s 41 and I’m 35 but he’s giving out on me. We used to have sex all the time in all hours of the night, in all rooms in the house. Well for the past 8 months my husband has been jack rabbiting me. He just gets on top of me or behind me and goes really hard really fast gets his rocks off and quits!! He says it’s to good so that’s why he can’t last but I know he having problems keeping it up even though he hasn’t officially admitted to it. But I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in my life but he doesn’t work out because he thinks he doesn’t have to because he’s thin but I know if he started to he would last a little longer and take his time with me like he used to but somehow that’s my fault he can’t perform because it’s just to good to him? I know he’s not seeing anybody else because he comes home same time every night, he’s just lazy I feel and always laying around. I need him to fix this or I’m going to shut it off. It hurts when he does what he does and it keeps me really sore. How do I remedy this situation?
Happy Friday to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. So you think your man is suffering from erectile dysfunction and has troubles admitting this to you? But what you didn’t mention is if he has any pre-exisiting condition that may cause his impotence. He’s at an age where he should have a thorough check-up anyway, so maybe start with encouraging that. He may have a genetic predisposition to cardiovascular disease that could affect his sexual performance, it could be diabetes or hormonal imbalance. If he hasn’t been checked there’s no real way to know. A lot of times we get so caught up in the bodily changes women go through without considering that men go through it too. If he smokes or drinks in excess, then that could be a direct correlation also. So, if he’s got some unhealthy habits, be it recreational or otherwise, you should promote awareness of the potential risks, sexually and, ultimately, in the realm of total wellness. Prescribed medications should be last resort.
Being that you are in the best shape of your life and in your sexual prime, he may have a problem “keeping up” with you. It could be that he feels pressure to perform and that could also get in the way of him taking his time with you. And, it might just be too good for him to last! You’re 35 and from what you’ve described, your body is probably on point, so he might be overwhelmed by it and can’t help but beast on you! Instead of allowing him to “get on top of you” or behind you, why don’t you take the wheel and set the pace, YOU take YOUR time with him. He might be struggling with adjusting to the changes he’s going through! Intimate communication is vital so tell him to let you know when he feels like he’s going to climax and try for some extra foreplay in between or try using condoms for a while to decrease the sensation for him. It can be easily fixed with a little bit of time and patience!
Again, the importance of communication cannot be stressed enough! Tell him that his “jack-rabbiting” is hurting you and, in no way, fulfilling! If the shoe were on the other foot and you were twisting and bending his man part, he would absolutely be vocal about it, don’t just take it . . . say something! The bottom line is this, you have to communicate! Try and get him to lead a more healthy lifestyle and not just for your sex life! If you approach him from an angle of caring about his health and support him living an active, long, healthy life then the sex will, inevitably, get better by default because he is! Be patient, sis! Be patient!
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