Dear Bossip: I’m in Love With Another Man

- By Bossip Staff

Dear Bossip! I need some advice. I am 34 and I am currently dating my Boyfriend of four years this past October. He is 26 and in the military great guy!. We have been living together for the last 2 years. I love him, we have a great relationship he wants to get married when he finishes school and start a family. We just moved into our house and everything is great! He’s just a little jealous, but I tolerate it. We have a lot in common, we both ride motorcycles and we have a lot of fun together. April of this year he went to his home town to visit for 3 weeks. My cousin and I where at a house party when this guy approached me and asked my name. We hit it off instantly, we had a connection unlike no other. We kept in contact from that day forward. We hung out allot and I started lying to my boyfriend and taking trips out of town every weekend. 3 months later my relationship with my boyfriend started going down hill. I was considering leaving but I just couldn’t do that to him. I continued to see this other guy even though my relationship was failing because of my wrong doing. Finally the guy I was seeing broke it off, he said I was breaking his heart and he couldn’t take it anymore. He said he loved me and wanted me to himself. He said he wanted to be the only one in my life. I was devastated I cried for days, neglecting the good man I had at home because I was heartbroken by another man. 1 month goes by no contact with the other guy. Until one day I seen him at the Sprint store and we automatically rekindle our romance. Well be known to me, he got involved with someone and they live together now. He tells me he is still in love with me. I can feel the magic that we still have is strong. He said he wants to give me all the things I desire in a man and more. He hasn’t exactly told me he’s living with anyone yet. I used to go and stay over his house, but he has moved and I’m not able to come over anymore. We spend as much time as we can together but not like we use too. I’m in love with him and he is in love with me. He sneaks out to be with me and I do the same to be with him. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend he loves me very much but I’m in love with another man, now he has some one in his life. Bossip I Know I should not be upset but it really hurts my heart to know that he goes to another women every night and it’s not me. I don’t know if I should move on with my boyfriend knowing I’m in love with someone else, or just let the other man go for good.


Sighs of a broken heart.

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So you threw your four-year relationship under the bus for a man you met at a house party? This is really too much for all parties involved and if you don’t put an end to it, it will only get messier. You’ve got a man, who’s significantly younger than you and who is serious about being with you! Why would you even entertain another man’s advances if you were already involved with your live-in boyfriend? Why would you risk a potentially successful relationship for a man who is involved with someone else? Why? Without being cold or curt, your heartache is a result of your own decision making so, you now have to live with the consequences. There’s an old saying that much of our pain is self-chosen. If that’ s true, then all that you’re going through right now, you brought upon yourself and, as a result, selfishly upon someone else.

This situation is difficult to assess without questioning your motives with your current boyfriend. Seems like you were moving in a progressive fashion with him and your giving into temptation with a perfect stranger so easily is baffling! Sounds like the young man you moved in with doesn’t meet your standards or expectations in some way(s), otherwise, creeping around with another man would not be option … or a thought for that matter. You’re the older party in this scenario and you’re experienced in life enough to know the type of repercussions these kind of situations can bring about. So, you had an instant connection but you made the choice to explore it? Maybe it’s the age difference? Is the man you’re sneaking around with closer to your age? At this point, those details don’t matter. The point is, you’re dating a younger man but you’re the one displaying less than mature, adult-like behavior, unfortunately.

Right now, Ma, there’s not a whole lot you can do. However, if you really want to do the right thing, you should free your boyfriend. Yes, set him free and let him live his life. He sounds like a dedicated man with a good head on his shoulders. There are plenty of women out here who would love a man with those qualities … and love him selflessly — without the lies, deceit and cruel intent. He deserves that kind of love, doesn’t he? So, free him up so he can connect with someone who will return it. Let the other man go or continue to see him, that’s your choice, but you absolutely cannot do this at the expense of someone’s happiness! Let that young man live his life and you move on. How would you feel if someone robbed you of you “golden years” -playing games with your heart and emotions? That’s not right, right? Do the right thing, let him go and live your life however you want, sis. Do the right thing. Good luck to you.

Sigh, Bossip Fam … what are your thoughts? Please share them below.

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  • that damn sh!t disturber

    oh yeah, dump both of them and just be alone for awhile. karma is coming and it won’t be pretty so get ready…

  • Ta

    An idiot wrote this. You deserve to be alone and hopefully your boyfriend will find out and “poof” you will be gone.

    • DOC.

      SHE A DUMB MUTHA… the guy enjoys the thrill of sneaking around and she falls in love plus she got a good man at home. as much as women talk bout they can’t find a good man when you get one you don’t know what to do. i’d drop her azz like a rain drop outta the sky

  • S.a.s.s.y24

    If the other man loves you as much as you claim why is he still with the other woman? Better yet why are you still with your boyfriend? Girl go sit down you are to old for this.

  • mixedchik

    im confused, so only a month after he drops you, you ran into him at the sprint store, and not only did he meet someone else, but he’s shacked up with her too, but then you don’t know exactly if he’s living with her because he moved and you can’t come over anymore. HMPH!!!

    • wisdom2

      This was my FIRST thought. Girl you play’n yourself.

      He’s LIVING WITH someone already.

      That was happening while you wuz tipp’n on yo boi.



    You know I usually try to be non vulgar when i give advice but in this case,I can’t—grow the h3ll up!!!You are 34 years old,you are no spring chicken no matter what the media may say.Stop being souped up into believing you still have your pick out there,because its all lies.So are you saying that the man you’re in a relationship with can’t even trust you to go to a party without becoming unfaithful??Why do so many of you women think with your private parts?What the heck is in the water?
    Not only that,the man on the side has another woman and you’re still wondering what you should do?Does he have to write it on your forehead?He’s had his fill and he never took you serious because he knew you were cheating on your own man,he knew what you were about..

    • Gigglegal215

      Amen,I couldn’t have said it better myself!

    • Marsonis

      forreal this girl better realize real quick it sounds like she is nuthin but a bust-it-baby to that dude he dont care about her or he would been with her when it initially started dont get fooled girl if he was forreal you would already be his….

    • ThickLikeCornbread


    • MixedFriends

      {{{ Mixed Friends โ„ƒโ—‹M }}}, ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ I love it. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ I am firmly convinced that you will like it very much!
      A nice place for seeking interracial love. which gives you a chance to make your life better and open opportunities for you to meet the attractive singles and treat you like a king or Q-ueen. Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends !!!

  • http://bossip nell

    Yeah he loves you untill responsibility comes into play. He loves you because what you all have is childish ! He loves you because He ain’t the one putting food on yo table, clothes on your back etc yet & vice verse ( womanly duties). You at this time is most likely not doing what real women do. The things men overlook ! It’s all fun and games to that responsibility shish becomes yours & his. Thats when all that fun shish goes away and here you are left with the same thing you had with your previous man. When will men and women learn !

    • wisdom2



      It’s all good until the REAL relationship kick in……..

    • Gigglegal215

      The truth has been spoken. Can I get a Hally-you-are?

    • ThickLikeCornbread


      Its fun, its carefree, its deceitful, its immoral, its dangerous

      It is ALL of the things humans are taught to avoid, which makes it THAT MORE EXCITING & HARD TO LEAVE

      Cheating it like CRACK= U get addicted to the thrill, the high

    • Lola

      Nell – exactly right on, girl! When people cheat they are deceiving each other anyhow, because they are sending their representatives on the dates anyway. When the real grown folk business kicks in such as a mortgage, and all the cost to operate a household how much will he love her then or vice versa. This woman and her betrayal, disloyalty, and whorish behavior are the exact reason why men act the way they do at times.

  • fabwtalk

    This can go wrong in so many ways and the worst way is someone getting hurt. Jealousy is a Motherf’r. She made a huge mistake by even keeping in contact with the house party male after the party. I agree with the a previous poster who stated she should just be by herself. She is confused and obviously needs to get her ish together.

  • and the world turns...

    karma, regret, and guilt- 3 against 1

  • Matix B

    She doesnโ€™t deserve one man let alone two. I can see her stalking tendencies.

  • Sooperman

    This chick has no idea what love is. You scared of being alone, so you’re holding on to your current b/f because you’re scared the new dood has a woman. Need to let the good one go so he can find someone that appreciates him. And it’s probably going to be a white girl.

  • Luscious

    If your boyfriend is a good of a guy as you claim, you’d do him a favor and let him go. Because if you don’t and continue your relentless quest to be with this other guy, it’ll come back and bite you in the butt bigtime. Why, you ask? Simple – the law of averages guarantee that if real time is spent deliberately and knowingly hurting others, you’ve written your own recipe for eventual disaster…many call it ‘karma’, but whatever you want to call it, its real…so keep that in mind.

  • Glok...I judge wisely sitting between 2 Pillars of Ivory!!!


  • You Smell Me??

    Ima tell whats gonna happen to you…

    You dump your current boyfriend for your side piece…

    Then your side piece dumps you for his side piece…

    Then your old boyfriend wins the Mega Millions, and marries a REAL woman.

    Karma’s a bitยฉh

    • StarLight

      Love it! It would serve her right!

    • 8ESBABY


    • Curious1 aka Flawless Beauty

      I likey …I Likey…lol..

  • phyre

    Women like this ruin good men. She sounds selfish and weak. the grass is never greener.

  • Heaven

    U stupid! God blessed u wit a man like dat, and u just have to go and mess it up for the rest of us. And we as women wonder why men don’t trust us women! Ppl like u. God dnt like ugly, and boy don’t look in the mirror u might break it, cuz u aint cute right now! Oh yeah did anybody say KARMA. When leave da good one to go wit ur boy toy, don’t u post another sob story! Titled ” I left a good man how do I get him back”

  • Matix B

    This BI making it seeeeeeem like they both running her down. Me thinks NOT!

  • peachez

    Lol. Everybody always has something to say when their own situations aren’t put on blast. I’m sure there are many people out there doing the same, and even worst crap. So why don’t you all give the lady a damn break. I would suggest taking a step back and really analyze all aspects of the situation. Weigh the pros and cons and figure out what is best for you. After all you only live once, and everyone strives for happiness. So what if you made a mistake, everyone does. Don’t beat yourself up about it too much. We are ALL human with feelings and emotions that cloud our judgement. So I am here to tell you, you are not the worst person out there. How many years you have been in a relationship doesn’t matter if you have no happiness. Maybe you do need to be alone for a little bit and date this other guy you are in love with. Take it slow, and see if he is really worth it. If not, don’t give up, you will find that person that is made for you. Hold your head up high, you are strong.

    • NO1understandsbutME

      Thank you, I truly appreciate your comment.

    • NO1understandsbutME

      @ peachez..

    • NO1understandsbutME


  • shut the fu*ck up bit*ches!!

    and your problem isssssssssss!!

  • sanriobaby =^.^=

    Affairs always seem better than your real relationship b/c it’s not real! When you go off sneeking around with someone, when you only show them the “best” of you, you are only living a lie and 99.9% of the time, if you actually had to spend real time with that person, it would never work out for the long haul. This woman was extremely selfish and immature for even allowing herself to be in a position to be entertained by another man, especially if she claims that she already had a good man at home. If she has any love and respect in her skanky cheating heart, she needs to do the right thing and leave her boyfriend. He doesn’t deserve for her to do him wrong like that, and she certainly hasn’t shown that she deserves a good man in her life either. The lession here is simple. We are all human and at one point or another, we can all be SUCCEPTABLE to straying from our loved one if we are somehow not happy in our relationship. The line btwn the cheater and the rest of us is understanding that if you are a self respecting mature person who really loves the one you’re with, you do not allow yourself to be in any position to be entertained by anyone else, even in the smallest capacity i.e. taking someone’s number/email address…

  • Matix B

    34 is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too old to be playing yourself.

  • IKnowRite

    Doesn’t ANYBODY see a bigger problem with this story???

    She can’t SPELL!

    Maybe she should date a teacher.

  • Where da white women at.......

    Thats why black women are in the situation they are in, a white woman finds a good man and she sticks with him…a sista finds a good man and she trades him in for some strange dyck faster than a white wife gobblin her black husbands dyck….

  • Where da white women at.......

    Black women are hopeless trash….

    • G.M.

      well damn, sounds like i need to get my d1cc on that menu…lol

  • Where da white women at.......

    And ya’ll wonder why black men are bouncing on your azzes and no other race is checking for you unless your an exceptional beauty or got money…yo azzes gonna go extinct soon.

  • leah

    it baffles me how grown women can act so stupid sometimes. This man is not in love with her, he is just using her just as she is using her boyfriend.If he was in love with her he would be with her, he is just telling her what she wants to hear so he can keep getting wat he wants. I guess now she gets a little taste of what her bf is going thru. Ironically its women like this that complain that men are dogs, ironic huh!

    • S.a.s.s.y 24

      I agree

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