Good day, Bossip fam! Meet Steven James Dixon, author of the book, “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” a Book About the Emotional Instability of Men. After receiving and reading the book, we had to talk to him as we learned he had scripted his experiences with women and marriage and sent it to the press. With chapters that will resonate somewhere in your love-craving psyche, Dixon leaves no room for question in this in-depth chronicle of his personal struggles with being a husband after unapologetically “ho”ing. His message is true and the best part, perhaps, is his willingness to share his thoughts and emotions with raw honesty. We had the chance to explore Dixon’s thought process and it’s reminiscent of long chats with an older brother who will never steer you in the wrong direction. No questions go unanswered without brutal candor that cannot be argued – it’s no wonder people would seek the ‘Relationship Beast’s’ opinion. It’s foolproof and simple enough to apply to your love life — you can file this read under “self help.” Many topics are worthy of discussion, so, please take a look and share your thoughts below!
Bossip: Mr. Dixon, could you brief the readers on the experience that led you to write the book, “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” and how you got the name ‘The Relationship Beast.’
Dixon: Sure! Well, I got married the first time at the age of 23 and got divorced at 25. Then, I got engaged again and broke that off. I got married to the woman I’m married to now and almost got another divorce until I finally figured out that I didn’t know what I was doing! I had no idea what I was doing, period. I mean, my thoughts were “I’m just married, I don’t know what to do.” I wanted to be married and I value and appreciate for family but, again, I didn’t know what I was doing. I looked around at the people closest to me and didn’t like their position – my mother was divorced three times and my father was divorced three times also. I had to figure it out and I had to share it so I decided to write a book. Well, once I wrote the book people started to reach out to me. I never presented myself as a marriage counselor or coach, I just wrote a book! People would say, “hey, I like the way you think. What do you think about my situation?”
Bossip: How would you encourage a husband or wife to admit that he or she may not know what they’re doing?
Dixon: My principle is, that all relationships are successful or they fail based upon the leadership of men. That’s what saved my marriage and I’ve been debating that with men all over the country but they don’t want to accept that. If you follow the bible, then you know that the man has a responsibility to be what God put him here on earth for, and that’s to be leaders. If the marriage fails, then it’s the man’s fault and he was irresponsible. It’s all fairly simple, though. Divorce cannot be an option when you’re married. As long as you’re thinking that a divorce is the quick fix, then you’ll never solve the problems within your marriage.
Bossip: Wow, that’s something to chew on.
Dixon: Think about it. When Eve was eating on the fruit, God knew what was going on but he didn’t go to Eve and say, “Eve, what you doin?” He looked at Adam which means that Adam was responsible for Eve. So, I tell men, “hey, be a good husband, that’s what you do. Stop worrying about what she’s doing. Stop complaining about what she’s doing, you be a good husband. You make sacrifices. You lead your family and she will follow. It’s natural for her to do this when you are leading properly.” If a man is constantly saying things like, “well, she did this and she did that,” then that means she has a problem with your leadership.
Bossip: In theory, your thought process is amazing. Realistically, however, there are a large number of people who are in unhappy relationships and marriages and we can’t blame men only, right?
Dixon: When you move from dating into serious relationships or marriages, you have to know what you’re looking for and what your value is. Most men don’t know what they want. Once you acknowledge or find out that a man does not know what he wants in terms of a wife and marriage, then you have to leave and women aren’t doing that. But you also have to understand this about men, if we’re having sex then we’re good! It’s what we want to do by nature! We’re not running around trying to find wives if we’re sexually content.
Bossip: Wow, it’s that simple? So, what would entice a man to actively seek a stable relationship or marriage if he can get sex from several women whenever he wants it?
Dixon: That’s a problem. That’s definitely a problem and probably the subject of my next book. Men need to have clear categories of women and there’s three – you’re either a hoe, a girlfriend or a wife and there’s too many woman that are hoes who think they’re girlfriends. Too many women that will never be wives. When a man meets a woman for the first time, the one thing he’s thinking about is if he’s going to “get some” and a woman has to prove that she’s more than that. That’s when he’ll start respecting you, that’s when he’ll start to think about growing and developing a relationship. Women, a lot of times, make the mistake of dating the wrong men at the wrong time.
Bossip: In your opinion, how would a woman gauge a man’s seriousness? How would she know if the timing is wrong?
Dixon: I tell women all the time, make smarter choices. For example, if you meet a man on Friday that just moved to your city a week ago, would you date him? No. Why? Because, he’s going to meet another woman on Saturday, Sunday … an all next week for that matter. Don’t date him. What about the athlete that just signed a multi-million dollar contract with a professional team? Don’t date him either! If you see Usher in the club and he’s hollering at you, have a good time and just know that he’s not calling you tomorrow. Why? Because he just got a divorce! When you run into the guy that just bought a new house, don’t date that guy! He’s trying to get as many women as can into that new house! Women should just know that! Doesn’t it make sense?
Bossip: Okay, let’s circle back to the divorce scenario, please. How long do you think should people wait before dating someone who’s been divorced or in a long term relationship?
Dixon: I believe that you should wait at least a year before you date someone who’s divorced or been in a long term relationship. Don’t ever date a man or woman who’s been divorced or broken up for less than a year. Then, you have to explore how it ended — based on how that relationship ended is how they may start or behave in a new one
Bossip: Come on, now! There’s two sides to every story and you’re never going to get the whole truth about why and how things ended!
Dixon: You’ll get some of it and of you don’t get enough information to work with, then you have to move on. You have to protect yourself, right? You have to get your questions answers or you can’t date him! If you meet a man who tells you that his wife cheated on him with is best friend, then you should already know that he’ll be no good in the next relationship, move on. You have to remember, relationships are decisions, you don’t just fall into them, you make them. You can’t just roll the dice and hope he’s a good guy!
Bossip: That’s very true!
Dixon: You have to understand that dating is a game! You have to recognize that some of these guys are good and some are bad. You have to weed yourself through the trash. Understand that the guy you meet might be trash and may not be worth your time – you have to have that understanding when you meet him. Dating is an introductory phase — an interviewing process for a fulltime position, not every candidate will make the cut, some will be fired! A principle I believe women should follow is this, date more and leave earlier. That’s doesn’t mean sleep around, but get out there and date more … mingle around.
Bossip: If a woman dates more and leaves earlier, how does she keep herself from the perpetual cycle of dating with no end result, i.e. the long term relationship or marriage?
Dixon: There’s definitely a balance that’s needed. Right now, we’ll leave immediately or we’ll stay far too long, you know? Once you’ve done all you can to maintain and grow the relationship and you’re still not getting what you want from it, move on. But how you leave it is key. You have to be civil and say, “hey, I can see you’re not serious about being in a serious relationship and that’s fine but I can’t continue to invest in it. Come holler at me when you’re serious.” If you stay too long and leave cussing him out, then it’s over – the door is no longer open. So, leave before it gets to that point.
Ladies and Gents, does Dixon live up to his moniker, The Relationship Beast?
Look for part 2 of our interview with Dixon next week and the details behind his previous thoughts on women and how he overcame his negative sentiments.
“They have put themselves in a competition they can’t win because I don’t want any of them to win! I hate all of them. All of them will lose, because I lost.” –Men Don’t Heal, We Ho available for purchase at StevenJamesDixon.com