Men Don’t Heal, We Ho Author Steven James Dixon says, ‘All relationships are successful or they fail based upon the leadership of men’

- By Bossip Staff

Good day, Bossip fam! Meet Steven James Dixon, author of the book, “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” a Book About the Emotional Instability of Men. After receiving and reading the book, we had to talk to him as we learned he had scripted his experiences with women and marriage and sent it to the press. With chapters that will resonate somewhere in your love-craving psyche, Dixon leaves no room for question in this in-depth chronicle of his personal struggles with being a husband after unapologetically “ho”ing. His message is true and the best part, perhaps, is his willingness to share his thoughts and emotions with raw honesty. We had the chance to explore Dixon’s thought process and it’s reminiscent of long chats with an older brother who will never steer you in the wrong direction. No questions go unanswered without brutal candor that cannot be argued – it’s no wonder people would seek the ‘Relationship Beast’s’ opinion. It’s foolproof and simple enough to apply to your love life — you can file this read under “self help.” Many topics are worthy of discussion, so, please take a look and share your thoughts below!

Bossip: Mr. Dixon, could you brief the readers on the experience that led you to write the book, “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” and how you got the name ‘The Relationship Beast.’

Dixon: Sure! Well, I got married the first time at the age of 23 and got divorced at 25. Then, I got engaged again and broke that off. I got married to the woman I’m married to now and almost got another divorce until I finally figured out that I didn’t know what I was doing! I had no idea what I was doing, period. I mean, my thoughts were “I’m just married, I don’t know what to do.” I wanted to be married and I value and appreciate for family but, again, I didn’t know what I was doing. I looked around at the people closest to me and didn’t like their position – my mother was divorced three times and my father was divorced three times also. I had to figure it out and I had to share it so I decided to write a book. Well, once I wrote the book people started to reach out to me. I never presented myself as a marriage counselor or coach, I just wrote a book! People would say, “hey, I like the way you think. What do you think about my situation?”

Bossip: How would you encourage a husband or wife to admit that he or she may not know what they’re doing?

Dixon: My principle is, that all relationships are successful or they fail based upon the leadership of men. That’s what saved my marriage and I’ve been debating that with men all over the country but they don’t want to accept that. If you follow the bible, then you know that the man has a responsibility to be what God put him here on earth for, and that’s to be leaders. If the marriage fails, then it’s the man’s fault and he was irresponsible. It’s all fairly simple, though. Divorce cannot be an option when you’re married. As long as you’re thinking that a divorce is the quick fix, then you’ll never solve the problems within your marriage.

Bossip: Wow, that’s something to chew on.

Dixon: Think about it. When Eve was eating on the fruit, God knew what was going on but he didn’t go to Eve and say, “Eve, what you doin?” He looked at Adam which means that Adam was responsible for Eve. So, I tell men, “hey, be a good husband, that’s what you do. Stop worrying about what she’s doing. Stop complaining about what she’s doing, you be a good husband. You make sacrifices. You lead your family and she will follow. It’s natural for her to do this when you are leading properly.” If a man is constantly saying things like, “well, she did this and she did that,” then that means she has a problem with your leadership.

Bossip: In theory, your thought process is amazing. Realistically, however, there are a large number of people who are in unhappy relationships and marriages and we can’t blame men only, right?

Dixon: When you move from dating into serious relationships or marriages, you have to know what you’re looking for and what your value is. Most men don’t know what they want. Once you acknowledge or find out that a man does not know what he wants in terms of a wife and marriage, then you have to leave and women aren’t doing that. But you also have to understand this about men, if we’re having sex then we’re good! It’s what we want to do by nature! We’re not running around trying to find wives if we’re sexually content.

Bossip: Wow, it’s that simple? So, what would entice a man to actively seek a stable relationship or marriage if he can get sex from several women whenever he wants it?

Dixon: That’s a problem. That’s definitely a problem and probably the subject of my next book. Men need to have clear categories of women and there’s three – you’re either a hoe, a girlfriend or a wife and there’s too many woman that are hoes who think they’re girlfriends. Too many women that will never be wives. When a man meets a woman for the first time, the one thing he’s thinking about is if he’s going to “get some” and a woman has to prove that she’s more than that. That’s when he’ll start respecting you, that’s when he’ll start to think about growing and developing a relationship. Women, a lot of times, make the mistake of dating the wrong men at the wrong time.

Bossip: In your opinion, how would a woman gauge a man’s seriousness? How would she know if the timing is wrong?

Dixon: I tell women all the time, make smarter choices. For example, if you meet a man on Friday that just moved to your city a week ago, would you date him? No. Why? Because, he’s going to meet another woman on Saturday, Sunday … an all next week for that matter. Don’t date him. What about the athlete that just signed a multi-million dollar contract with a professional team? Don’t date him either! If you see Usher in the club and he’s hollering at you, have a good time and just know that he’s not calling you tomorrow. Why? Because he just got a divorce! When you run into the guy that just bought a new house, don’t date that guy! He’s trying to get as many women as can into that new house! Women should just know that! Doesn’t it make sense?

Bossip: Okay, let’s circle back to the divorce scenario, please. How long do you think should people wait before dating someone who’s been divorced or in a long term relationship?

Dixon: I believe that you should wait at least a year before you date someone who’s divorced or been in a long term relationship. Don’t ever date a man or woman who’s been divorced or broken up for less than a year. Then, you have to explore how it ended — based on how that relationship ended is how they may start or behave in a new one

.

Bossip: Come on, now! There’s two sides to every story and you’re never going to get the whole truth about why and how things ended!

Dixon: You’ll get some of it and of you don’t get enough information to work with, then you have to move on. You have to protect yourself, right? You have to get your questions answers or you can’t date him! If you meet a man who tells you that his wife cheated on him with is best friend, then you should already know that he’ll be no good in the next relationship, move on. You have to remember, relationships are decisions, you don’t just fall into them, you make them. You can’t just roll the dice and hope he’s a good guy!

Bossip: That’s very true!

Dixon: You have to understand that dating is a game! You have to recognize that some of these guys are good and some are bad. You have to weed yourself through the trash. Understand that the guy you meet might be trash and may not be worth your time – you have to have that understanding when you meet him. Dating is an introductory phase — an interviewing process for a fulltime position, not every candidate will make the cut, some will be fired! A principle I believe women should follow is this, date more and leave earlier. That’s doesn’t mean sleep around, but get out there and date more … mingle around.

Bossip: If a woman dates more and leaves earlier, how does she keep herself from the perpetual cycle of dating with no end result, i.e. the long term relationship or marriage?

Dixon: There’s definitely a balance that’s needed. Right now, we’ll leave immediately or we’ll stay far too long, you know? Once you’ve done all you can to maintain and grow the relationship and you’re still not getting what you want from it, move on. But how you leave it is key. You have to be civil and say, “hey, I can see you’re not serious about being in a serious relationship and that’s fine but I can’t continue to invest in it. Come holler at me when you’re serious.” If you stay too long and leave cussing him out, then it’s over – the door is no longer open. So, leave before it gets to that point.

Ladies and Gents, does Dixon live up to his moniker, The Relationship Beast?

Look for part 2 of our interview with Dixon next week and the details behind his previous thoughts on women and how he overcame his negative sentiments.

“They have put themselves in a competition they can’t win because I don’t want any of them to win! I hate all of them. All of them will lose, because I lost.”Men Don’t Heal, We Ho available for purchase at StevenJamesDixon.com

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Comments

  • StarLite

    “You lead your family and she will follow”

    He betta preach!!! However, I don’t think every relationship #FAIL is the guys fault. Most relationship situations are far more complex than that.

    I agreed with him on everything else he said though!

    • that damn sh#$ disturber

      i’ll read the rest later but from the first 5 or 6 paragraphs, he is definitely speaking nothing but the truth!!!

    • G.M.

      GTFOH WITH THAT “ITS ADAMS FAULT” BULLSH1T…D@MN Y’ALL WOMEN DONT KNOW THE MEANING OF ACCOUNTABILITY FOR SH1T…SMH…IF Y’ALL WANNA TALK BOUT ADAM N EVE THEN WHY THE HE11 WAS EVE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT SNAKE TELLING HER TO DEFY GODS WILL…I’LL TELL U CUZ SHE WAS A SNAKE IN THE GRASS LIKE A LOT OF WOMEN, SHE UNDERSTOOD THE LANGUAGE, HE11, SINCE BIBLICAL TIMES WOMEN HAVE BEEN FUCCIN SH1T UP FOR EVERYBODY…AND Y’ALL STILL CANT ADMIT TO UR OWN BULLSH1T

    • Entoon

      I agree with that statement! if you ever notice, when the man is good the relationship is good-when he’s not it’s bad! I have said this several times over that a real woman would never be led around by her nose on some bs!

    • Bethany "ACID FACE" Storro

      Yes! Yes! Yes! Finally a man who speaks the truth.

  • that damn sh#$ disturber

    my pastor even said the same thing about adam and eve. everyone blames eve but if adam was on top of it, it wouldn’t have happened like that. in a case like that i would have no problems with him putting his foot in her…lol

    • StarLite

      He did make a good point about that. I never paid attention to the fact that God basically told Adam, “Your messin’ up!” but didn’t have as much to say to Eve.

      I definitely understand the point he was making.

    • RMEs

      Yeah, Adam really messed it up for everybody.

    • Glok...Call me Big Daddy when you back that Azz up !!!

      I CAN IMAGINE SOO IF YALL LOOK THIS GOOD NOW !

  • really?

    Wow, he’s on point!

  • that damn sh#$ disturber

    lmao that’s not entirely true lolol. if a man is doing what he’s suppose to do, handling business and loving and respecting his woman, she will bend over backwards to please him (IF SHE’S A REAL WOMAN)

  • ABCDEFG

    A woman will follow a man leads so long as she trusts him and theres a mutual respect
    I know -I was,and still appear to be very aggressive But when my man speaks….I listen…. & vice versa
    There’s a mutual trust there and a sharing of powers..He compliments me and brings the mannish part of down a knotch or two( sidebar: that ish turns me on)…
    My king chin checked me real quick(not physically but you know)
    When my man lost his job in this economy and it took him forever to find a new one.. I didnt bail….I didnt boss him around …etc
    Its not about taking orders
    REAL RECOGNIZES REAL
    AND A REAL WOMAN KNOWS A GOOD MAN WHEN SHE MEETS ONE FLAWS AND ALL

    ANYWAY HE HAD SOME GOOD POINTS

  • that damn sh#$ disturber

    and if a man is broke then seriously dating should be the last thing on his mind. a man starting off a relationship with problems compared to one who i’ve been with and know TEMPORARILY losing a job are two different things. but i agree with you too abc…

  • http://static2.hypem.net/thumbs/2/1089002.png YokoDMV

    i have a WONDERFUL black man as my boyfriend and i submit to him because i WANT to – Glok makes inflammatory comments on almost every post *rolls eyes*

  • http://thisisnewstome.blogspot.com lani3000

    on point. its simple but like Lauren said “you’d rather made it hard”

  • coco

    “date more and leave earlier”

    I’m someone who ended a long relationship almsot a year ago…just getting back into the dating..so im going to try this date more and leave earlier for 2011…

    wish me luck..

    This was such a great read. even though some are looking at it as the impossible i’m got some great pointer for myself. BECUZ IT MAKES SENSE TO FOLKS WITH COMMON SENSE!!!

  • MissPerfect.a.k.a allergic to coonery

    Agreed🙂

  • CAT EYES

    The man follows God,the woman follows the man,and the children follow the woman.Any other order,the relationship will never work.

    • that damn sh#$ disturber

      yep just like wolves in a pack

    • Glok...Call me Big Daddy when you back that Azz up !!!

      NOW THATz A REAL WOMAN FOLLOW WHAT CAT EYES JUST SAID AND YOU WONT GO WRONG!

    • Slide Like a Fresh Pair of Gators

      @CAT EYES

      I wholeheartedly agree Big Sis – I personally believe that there’s a “divine order” that should be followed…

    • Aj

      @Slide

      I agree with you. I really believe parents should be the role models and set the example, so children can implement their parents practices into their lives. I know I did.

      Cat Eyes is always on point, btw. I just wanted to add to her good comment.

    • CAT EYES

      @Aj
      Yes you are right,the children follow both,but when it comes down to it,the children usually have more time to listen to the mother and thats where her job is to ensure that the husband’s lessons he’s passed down from God speaks for both of them,but I was only speaking on a level of what makes a family unit a unit.A house cannot function correctly if the man doesn’t follow God or if the woman wants to be in charge or if the children have no positivity to follow.
      It also would help if some men and woman would stop thinking with their private parts.

  • nymph

    YOU USUALLY FIND WHAT YOUR SPIRIT PUTS OUT. IVE BEEN DOWN FOR FEMALES WHEN THEY NEEDED IT.NOT ON TRICK STATUS(AlOT OF US NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF NEEDS VS WANTS)AND IVE ALSO HAD FEMALES HOLD ME DOWN WHEN I NEEDED IT.TRUTH TOLD A GOOD WOMAN KEEPS MAN ON HIS GAME.AND THATS REAL

  • StarLite

    “how the faq he gon say that a man who been cheated on gon automatically cheat on the next woman he with?”

    Come on now. Hurt people make messed up decisions. Are you saying you never gave the “side eye” to a chick who wanted to date you but also admitted her ex cheated/broke her heart?

  • Remote Control

    I totally agree with his words. I have a strong black man who is in the picture with me and He has been the leader and my supporter! we both made decisions to better ourselves and I love him for it. too many men (no matter the color) want some women to be their mamas and I wasn’t going for that! Not to say women don’t have shady ways too.. He can along and took the leader position like a man should, but please don’t think I don’t have my opinions and ways too. we balance each other and that’s why we are getting married soon!

    • Glok...Call me Big Daddy when you back that Azz up !!!

      YOU ARE HIS MOMMA THAT NI.GGR LOOKED WHIPPED!!!!

    • Daywalker(THE DAYDREAM!!!)

      Yeah right!! That dude is whupped, and you know it!! Matter of fact, the only difference between your dude and SmellDATISH is the fact that he at least TRIED to better himself, but YOU still run shyt, don’t ya???😉

  • Kay

    I think it’s more like Men heal by ho’ing

    • Glok...Call me Big Daddy when you back that Azz up !!!

      HEAL FROM WHAT, THAT LAST STD ,..DONT SAY THAT!

  • monica

    Just like Steve Harvey this guy makes sense and women should listen. I never learned about men from my father and I don’t have brothers, so it is great to get advice from a man who talks straight about men and women. Trust me, it is a great help!!!

    • Glok...Call me Big Daddy when you back that Azz up !!!

      DO YOU HAVE A MAN NOW?
      ARE YOU WILLING TO SUBMIT?
      CAN YOU COOK?
      WILL YOU LIFT YOUR AZZ CHEEK UP AT 4:51 AM EVERYMORNING?

    • Daywalker(THE DAYDREAM!!!)

      You mean STEVE HARVEY, the MANGINA who not only screwed around on his 1st wife, but fathered kids out of wedlock with his second wife, who he cheated on too??? Oh yeah, he’s a fuggin “GENIUS”…(Rolls eyes) Even better yet, HARDMIKE said it best: As long as you blame BLACK MEN for all of society’s ills, you’re some kind of folktelling hero, but the one time you make mention of how a BLACK woman is fuggin up, you don’t know what the fugg you’re talking about and get lambasted!! Oh yeah, I can see the bias in this interview alone!! This guy’s kissing BLACK WOMENS’ azzes to sell books!! Now I’m not knocking his hustle, but I know a damn P.R. move when I see one!!!! Fugg this dude!!! Forreal!!😈

  • SMELLDATISH

    ALL ABOUT BALANCE, WIFEY MAKE WAY MORE $ THAN I DO, ALWAYS HAVE ALWAYS WILL, REALITY. SHE DONT WALKIN AROUND ‘ACTING’ LIKE SHE DO, SO I DONT GO AROUND ‘ACTING’ LIKE I CAN THELP CLEAN UP AND OR ISH. ITS CALLED “UNCONDITIONAL LOVE” AND IF U HAVE IT U KNOW WHAT U GOT, BESIDES THAT, YALL JUS F#CKIN.

    • Daywalker(THE DAYDREAM!!!)

      So basically, she runs shyt, and you just kiss her azz like a good little “HOUSEHUSBAND”, don’t ya?? Grow some sack already!! If you were about your paper, you’d get yourself on-point and run your fuggin house, but it’s obvious that you’re content being the fuggin maid….😆

  • resurrected

    This is dedicated to all of the side women who wear that the husband no longer wants his wife when for real he has no loyalty to anyone but that puss and the new puss.

    If a man is not leading his home correctly it not on the wife but that man not saying that some women don’t do wrong. When men create an environment of no loyalty or support it will not be long before women to follow his lead because he is the leader. Even a woman with integrity has to be lonely for a while because she does not just want any man.

  • MochaLove

    OMG!! *peeks in*

    Daywalker – da hell you been? You married yet? Good to see ya! xoxo

    GLOK- hey boo. Still raising hell. HUGS to you.

    Dude is on point tho, might have to cop the book!

    *exits*

    • Glok...Call me Big Daddy when you back that Azz up !!!

      HEY MO -LOVE, HUGS BACK MMMMM!!

    • Daywalker(THE DAYDREAM!!!)

      Nope, I’m not hitched yet hun!! and it’s good to see you too!!🙂 But I also have to clown this cat, because he tries to place blame on just the men for things going wrong in a relationship, when both parties have a hand in things going south most of the time…Sorry, but I can’t get on the bandwagon with that, because I know what his game is, MOCHA…😆

    • G.M.

      @Daywalker
      Thank you…this n199a a str8 up MANGINA tryin to hustle desperate women out they money just like steve harvey…us men know how many wives/gf’s is cheating cuz who the he11 they think they cheating with…all the men that dont want marriage and serious relationships cuz he smashin someones wife/gf and already knows wassup with the sham/scam that marriage is…shout out to u for having commmon sense thats rare for women

  • SUPERBOY

    yea right a blackwomen aint listening to no men there completely unreasonable.

  • shut the fu*ck up bit*ches!!

    i ain’t submitting to nobody broke
    i get mine
    you get yours
    if we together we share
    but I ain’t ur mule
    you fu*ck up
    you gone
    simple

    • Glok...Call me Big Daddy when you back that Azz up !!!

      I KNEW YOU SOUND FAMILIAR!

    • shut the fu*ck up bit*ches!!

      yeah I added bit*ches to my name cause the bit*ches wanna mess with me so now they know
      I don’t play!!

  • jazzi-jo-the-ho-yo

    jazzijotheo.blogspot.com

  • shane

    why people have to bring God up in everything????? its because of religion this world is eff’ed up now…so of course the marriages are gonna be eff’ed up too! thats whats wrong with people now….they read other people’s bullshyt and follow dumb advice! like the blind leading the blind…

  • necole

    yes, he shuts it down in the relationship/marriage field. kudos sir!

  • This is some BS

    ^^^ Right!

    This dude has the the same credentials as Steve Harvey but because he places no blame on women for failed relationships… it all good.

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