Good day, Bossip fam! As promised, we are re-introducing you to Steven James Dixon, author of the book, “Men Don’t Heal We Ho,” a Book About the Emotional Instability of Men. After receiving and reading the book, we had to talk to him as we learned he had scripted his experiences with women and marriage and sent it to the press. With chapters that will resonate in the depths of your psyche, Dixon leaves no room for question in this in-depth chronicle of his personal struggles with being a husband after unapologetically “ho”ing. His message is true and the best part, perhaps, is his willingness to share his thoughts and emotions with raw honesty. We had the chance to explore Dixon’s thought process and it’s reminiscent of long chats with an older brother who will never steer you in the wrong direction. No questions go unanswered without brutal candor that cannot be argued – it’s no wonder people would seek the ‘Relationship Beast’s’ opinion. It’s foolproof and simple enough to apply to your love life. Many topics are worthy of discussion, so, please take a look and share your thoughts below! To read the first part of our interview with Mr. Dixon, click here!
Bossip: To pick up where we left off there’s an excerpt from your book that we’d like for you to explain.
“They have put themselves in a competition they can’t win because I don’t want any of them to win! I hate of them. All of them will lose, because I lost.” –Men Don’t Heal, We Ho
Bossip:You said that, at a certain point in your life, you were angry and at women. Can you explain your sentiment, please?
Dixon: All women, I felt, were hoes. Those feelings derived from my disappointment, my frustration and my emotional instability. I just felt like all women were no good, they were out to get me and I had to get them first … that was really based on me being hurt. I was in a place where I said, “I can’t let them hurt me again, so, I’ll never open my self up to be hurt again and whatever I do to them is whatever.”
Bossip: It seems like a lot of men who are hurt by that one woman are scarred! Do you think this attributes to the lack of aspiration to get married or be settled in a sturdy relationship? Seems like dating is a forever game now …
Dixon: Dating is ruining a lot of our relationships and marriages. When we’re dating, we don’t build. I’ll explain. When we’re dating and we get upset, we leave. So when we’re married and we get upset, we can’t leave. When you’re married and can’t leave what happens? Folks go complaining to their single friends saying, “hey, don’t get married. It’s too much. Stay single forever.” But, marriage isn’t the problem, it’s an institution created by God. The problem is, we don’t develop problem solving skills and so people are stuck in unhappy marriages. I teach people how to solve their problems! And so I tell people, “come on, you have a problem and you can fix it.”
Bossip: Okay, so dating is the problem? You do have to date in order to secure a marriage, so what do you suggest as a healthy method to choosing a partner for marriage?
Dixon: Well, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date, I’m saying dating shouldn’t have the negative affect that it has on marriage that it does today. Our priorities have shifted which is good and bad. For example, we’re running around trying to be the best doctor, the best lawyer, the best rapper and have no inclination to want to be the best husband. That is not the goal for so many men … and women. How many people have you heard say, “I’m good at everything I do except for marriage or being a good boyfriend or girlfriend.” That was me! That was my way of thinking and I had to change that!
Bossip: Well, love and relationships are just as simple as they are complex, right? So, was it an easy turnaround for you?
Dixon: The reason why I was good at everything else except for marriage is because I didn’t apply the same principles or pour the same energy into my personal relationships as I did my professional ones. Like, you for example, you’ll stay up until four in the morning to research or write an article but would you stay up until four in the morning trying to figure out how to be a better wife? Too often, in marriages, I run into people who are treating their spouse as good as they feel they deserve on that day. What, because you’re mad at your spouse, you’re not going to cook dinner? That’s not okay. If you’re committed to being the best husband or wife, your spouse shouldn’t have to earn good treatment.
Bossip: This is true! Do you get these sort of complaints from men mostly? Or women too?
Dixon: Women, easily. I think it’s because they’re more frustrated. Men only come around and want to talk when they’re really trying to save their relationship or marriage. And I always refer back to my principle, a relationship is successful or fails based upon the leadership of the man. If you are a good leader and if you are a good husband, she will be a good wife! Men don’t like it when I say that and they get mad but I tell them, “you go be a good husband and watch what happens.”
Bossip: Have you had any testimonials from men, so far?
Dixon: Men have always came back to me and said that they agreed one-hundred percent but the problem was getting their woman on board because, sometimes, they have done so much wrong. So, then it goes back to the woman – when you say you’re going to marry a man you’re saying that you’re willing to forgive him for the mistakes he’s made. I tell women all the time, “hey, if this guy is coming to you, apologized and wants to get help and you believe that he’s going to put forth an effort, then you’re committing to trying.”