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Dear Bossip. I caught my wife of 4 years having an affair with her co-worker. It was only after she began to stop sleeping with me and disappearing at night that i became suspicious . I asked her time and time again what was going on. She always replied “NOTHING”. She began blaming fatigue and medical reason for her lack of sex drive. I know the signs of an affair. So i began having an affair with a young lady i always had a crush on for years (She owned the daycare my daughter went to). It was incredible sex along with the fact i was fulfilling a fantasy i always had for her (she looks like Gabrielle Union) . She was willing to do what i wanted to do sexually,did things to me that i never had done to me bofore and had a body that what put my wife’s to shame. So now we are both having affairs simutaneously. I knew she was but she had no ideal i was. Sex didnt exist no more between us(me & my wife). She (wife) even began sleeping on the couch when she came in late night after being with him so she could text him all night (later she confirmed it). So me and my friend decide to do it real BIG and get a room for the weekend. She would stay all weekend and allow to come back and forth from home to her as i pleased (She knew i didnt do overnights). After all she knew i was married but not happily. When we get to the front desk of the hotel i give the desk clerk my last name. The front desk clerk asked me if i wanted the same room i had last weekend? HUH? i tell her i didnt stay there last weekend in fact this is my first time there. She proceeds to show me my wife info from the weekend before and the fact she paid for the room with her bank card “WOW”. i was stunned,shocked and embarrassed as i stood there with my jump off. I proceeded to stay the weekend and do what i originally planned to do . i told myself its time to confront her it went long enough besides my side piece was getting really attached to me and even offered to pay for my divorce if i wanted one. I asked my wife to meet me for lunch she agreed. I began by telling her i had an affair first so she would feel slighted to tell me about her actions. i was right. She began by telling lies at first and then it followed by the truth. She told me it was a guy she worked with and that it was just sex. I wasnt hurt but more shocked once i learned more details about the affair. We both agreed to stop and work on our marriage. Theres one problem they both still work together. I asked her what was she gonna do about that she assured me “It was over”. I didnt believe her at all . She was having an affair with him for about 9 months. You just dont stop COLD TURKEY especially when your the one paying for hotel rooms. I was right . I went thru her phone one day and discovered it wasnt over. We had a huge fight and she confessed that it wasnt over they were having sex at their job. I was furious after all i had ended my affair and me and my wife began sleeping together. So if shes having sex with him and me whose getting it more or are we getting it the same time (i found out later she was having sex with us on the same day and was washing up at work before she came home to be with me). Dam i married a whore and didnt know it. I began seeing another woman i met sometime back after all i couldnt go back to my jump off i had already cut her off and i dont believe in going back on my hands and knees. So i began another affair. Hey why not? this new young lady spoils me to death,is loaded,is flat out FINE and knows my situation and offered to pay for my divorce as well. Me and my wife are fighting and arguing everyday until she comes home and tells the gentleman had been fired for messing with another co-worker in the same bathroom they would get it on in. I dont believe her plus i dont wanna leave my new love it feels great when im with her and i want for nothing. My wife goes thru my phone and discovers my new love interest. Im not even trying to hide it. So once again i cut off a potential winner to resume life with loser i married. I decide to call her job one day and ask for the gentleman. To my surprise he still works there. We begin to converse about the woman we have been sharing. He answers every question . He thought me and her were separated. Once he learned we werent he gave up all the goods. How they never wore protection,had a threesome,she bought him jewelry,she wanted to have his baby and they were still conversing on the regular but hadnt been intimate in weeks. WOOOOOOW was all i could say. Now she wants to love/be with me AGAIN because he learned what kind of liar she was and has cut her off. Oh she lost that job as well.

yours truly,

The whore lover

Good day to you, sir! Thank you for writing in a sharing your story. It’s not easy to share the details you shared in the letter, so, one can only imagine the horror of living with the reality of such details. But, what’s a marriage without trust? You don’t trust her and she doesn’t trust you because the both of you have violated the sanctity of your marriage. The larger question is, why are you still there? What’s there to save? You’ve had two women that you’ve been intimate with offer to pay for your divorce, yet, you’re still with your wife. What’s keeping you? With that kind of ammo on both your behalves, most folks would have been in somebody’s divorce court. Clearly, there’s something keeping you together. Could it be the child you mentioned in the letter? Along with the long-term investments you might have accrued together? Either way, you should, first, decide if the marriage it worth saving, and, second, seek counsel.

Plenty of marriages have rebounded and seen brighter days after infidelity, so, it’s not an end all. However, it must be said that the both of your behavior is truly appalling and unacceptable. No one is more at fault and it doesn’t matter who cheated first, both of you are wrong! You deliberately acted with malicious intent towards each other. That is not healthy for you or the child (or children) involved. So, if the intention is to stay, then the both of you have to be fully committed to rebuilding your trust and making it work. If you can communicate without pointing fingers and playing the blame game, then you might have a chance at patching things up – as communication and commitment are the only things that will save your marriage. If the marriage can’t be saved, then you should make arrangements to end it and don’t delay or stall the process. Make a decision and carry it out.

In truth, the entire situation is messy. She’s sleeping around with her co-worker, having threesomes and washing up at work. You’re sleeping around with the daycare owner in the same hotel where your wife does her dirt and, eventually, moved on to a new mistress. So, the both of you are whores within your marriage! Another thing that you should take into consideration is, you can’t try and work through it believing that she’s a “loser” and a “whore” and you are not. The both of you are! So that’s the commonality you share in contributing to the destruction of your marriage … many would say that you two deserve each other. While others would say run and don’t look back. But, ultimately, it’s something you and your WIFE have to decide together. Again, if you want to work on your marriage, work on it with a professional but if you want to end it, end it. Make a decision and carry it out. Good luck to you, sir. Good luck to you!

This is a lot, Bossip Fam! Can a couple get over the pain of infidelity, lies and deceit? What are your thoughts? Please leave them below!

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