Study Shows That Relationships Are Stronger When Sex Happens Later Rather Than Sooner

- By Bossip Staff

Watch out all you loose and hot-pantied heffahs out there:

Delaying sex makes for a more satisfying and stable relationship later on, new research finds.

Couples who had sex the earliest — such as after the first date or within the first month of dating — had the worst relationship outcomes.

“What seems to happen is that if couples become sexual too early, this very rewarding area of the relationship overwhelms good decision-making and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the long-run,” study researcher Dean Busby, of Brigham Young University’s School of Family Life, told LiveScience. Busby and his colleagues published their work Dec. 28 in the Journal of Family Psychology.

The intricate nature of sex

Past research on sex and its link to relationship quality has revealed two different paradigms. In one, sex is considered essential to a developing relationship since it allows partners to assess their sexual compatibility. Following this line of thinking, couples who marry before testing out their sexual chemistry are at risk of marital distress and failure later on.

The opposing view posits couples who delay or abstain from sexual intimacy during the early part of their relationships allow communication and other social processes to become the foundation of their attraction to each other. Essentially, early sex could be detrimental to a relationship, skewing it away from communication, commitment and the ability to handle adversity, this thinking suggests.

And past studies have shown the sex-relationship link is a complex one. For instance, a 2004 study of nearly 300 college students in dating relationships showed that when couples were highly committed, sex was more likely to be seen as a positive turning point in the relationship, increasing understanding, commitment, trust and a sense of security. However, when commitment and emotional expressions were low, the initiation of sex was significantly more likely seen as a negative event, evoking regret, uncertainty, discomfort, and prompting apologies.

Sex comes early nowadays

In the new study, Busby and his colleagues looked specifically at timing of sexual relations. They recruited 2,035 heterosexual individuals who had an average age of 36 and were in their first marriages. Participants reported when they first had sexual relations with their current spouse; they also answered communication questions, which evaluated how well they could express empathy and understanding toward their partners, how well they could send clear messages to their partners, and other questions. [10 Things Every Woman Should Know About a Man’s Brain]

Other items on the questionnaire focused on relationship satisfaction and stability, with the latter gauged by three questions: how often they thought their relationship was in trouble; how often they thought of ending the relationship; and how often they had broken up and gotten back together.

Individuals were categorized as either having:

* Early sex (before dating or less than one month after they started dating).

* Late sex (between one month and two years of dating).

* And those who waited until after they married.

Relationships fared better and better the longer a person waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those hitting the sack before a month showing the worst outcomes.

Compared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage:

* Rated relationship stability as 22 percent higher

* Rated relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher

* Rated sexual quality as 15 percent better

* Rated communication as 12 percent better

“Curiously, almost 40 percent of couples are essentially sexual within the first or second time they go out, but we suspect that if you asked these same couples at this early stage of their relationship – ‘Do you trust this person to watch your pet for a weekend many could not answer this in the affirmative’ – meaning they are more comfortable letting people into their bodies than they are with them watching their cat,” Busby said.

He added that those couples who wait to be sexual have time to figure out how trustworthy their partner is, how well they communicate, and whether they share the same values in life “before the powerful sexual bonding short-circuits their decision-making abilities.”

Right now, the team is repeating the study on a larger sample in a longitudinal design – in which participants are followed over time. “We are particularly curious about people who report wanting to wait to be sexual but then they don’t follow through on their beliefs, this may be a unique group with unique outcomes,” Busby said.


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  • Curveball

    They spent money on this? Anyone who has ever dated can tell you this.

    • ttee

      “Mocha & Milk” is a perfect match like “black & white” people

      😛 ____ Bla c kw h it eF li rts. C” 0- M _____ 😛

      The most successful interra cial da t ing c lub. If you are still waiting for your sweet “milk”, don’t hesitate to check it !! Don’t let your babies wait too long for you !!

  • I Am Legend (Allergic To Darkies)

    It wont be no relationship if she aint givin it up after the 1st date…Its on to the next 1

  • BritishGirl

    ^^It’s comments like that which make me so unsurprised about the HIV/AIDS crisis in your community.

    • Mock Rock Star

      *doesn’t have a disease*

  • nymphis


    What is my community?

  • rose by any other name 350 8914 ™

    UH OH, white girls and black men .. looks like they talking to you@ lol!

  • rose by any other name 350 8914 ™

    Hi @nymphis!!!!

  • Bunny(formerly Angel/UrHeiness)

    With that being said folks,please take all precautions needed to not only take care of your bodies from unwanted @ times deadly/chronic diseases but from bringing innocent children into the world when neither are ready (financially/mentally/emotionally,by a person you don’t wish to have in your life or if you’re clueless as to where the relationship will be heading (if anywhere @ that)..just saying

  • childrenofthenow

    Honestly its about respect.

  • Bunny(formerly Angel/UrHeiness)

    This isn’t something that only occurs amongst the black community but ALL communities & even tho some may disagree,this is the REALITY we live in & been living in for quite awhile now.

    Let’s keep it 100,not too many people wait for their “prince charming” nor for marriage to have their 1st sexual experience.

    Just like not many (both men/women) wait a long” or w/e time is seemed as “appropriate” before they have sex..So all that can be done is advise folks to take care of themselves as well as not procreate.

  • mzdiscreet32

    I have always believe you dont give it on the first night or month. Its about having pride and respect for yourself. the likelyhood a guy respecting after you let him hit on the first night is very slim. and if he cant wait then let him move on to the next.

    • G.M.

      if us men are dating a woman we want to fucc but wants to wait first, some will wait until she’s ready but in the mean time fucc other women until she makes her mind up…golden rule for the ladies: if ur not fuccin him somebody else is…there will always be a woman down the block with her legs open if yours is closed for business

  • leah

    this is true for the most part, my bf and i waited for about 4 or 5 months and i think it made our bond stronger becuz we were friends before we became lovers. However, waiting does not guarantee that the rltshp will work, especially if one of u dont have the right intentions. A man will still leave u after waiting a year if his intention was only to get the nookie. but to each his own, i knw of successful rltsps that started off with sex

  • G.M.

    are u really a guy? ur comment sounds like a female or are u a guy raised by a single mother…truthfully, men and women dont have much of anything in common other than liking sex…so the whole talking sh1t is pointless, if not a hazard for us guys…cuz a lot of us men know the more we say, the more likely we’ll say something that makes a woman not want to fucc us, so being a man of few words is a good thing

  • nymphis


  • Caramel Cat™

    I agree with this study, but I will say this:

    1. It really all depends on what both people are looking for and/or what their personalities are like. You can make a man wait for 6 months or longer, but if his intentions aren’t long term or good then it won’t matter in the end how long you make him wait.

    2. If you are dating someone and you all see each other every single day it makes it harder to wait for months and months. But, it also makes it easier to communicate your wants and needs because you are spending more time around that person.

    3. Always express your wants to go get tested, if that person reacts negatively then you already know what’s up…


    Reads like the “research” was groomed to fit a conclusion.There is NO solid evidence to support immediate or delayed gratification.Just do what you feel.

  • mzdiscreet32

    @ G.M. by any means get with the chick down the street. I just wont change my rule of not giving it up on the first night or month…. that just proves the guy isnt right for me
    @nymphis no ty. happily celibate for a 2 yrs. and I CHOSE to take that path because i want to not because had too…

  • aaaaa

    If your calling him every hour on the hour .the end.

  • rose by any other name 350 8914 ™

    hey good looking @nymphis!!!!!

  • VirgoJewel

    How is this a surprise? Who DOESN’T know this?

    We’re in a recession, and yet some random study pops up every 5 minutes or so confirming sh*t we already know. SMH

  • RazeKane

    If the chic is worth the wait you chill..if she ain’t then step, its that simple.

  • eman

    hulk vs thor who will win in a fight

    • Hiei

      The hulk is no match for thor.

    • eman

      naa the only thing my boy hulk got too do is hulk smash and it’s all over

  • Tm30

    Nowadays, not everyone has common sense or morals so this study is needed.

    • VirgoJewel

      Well, you have a point there. “Common sense isn’t common.”

  • LaDiva

    Uh uh I don’t give the goodies to just any-damn-body… My body is a temple and I will not taint it with just any mo-fo… Sleeping around is not cute and that includes men too. Std’s and aids are not a joke and a good phu/ck is not worth your health/life. Soo glad that I am still with my one and only. And trust, he had to work mighty hard for my goodies…

  • LaDiva

    Love your post. Co-sign with you.

  • Nat

    Luv your Post too….

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