Good day, Bossip fam! As promised, we are re-introducing you to Steven James Dixon, author of the book, “Men Don’t Heal We Ho,” a Book About the Emotional Instability of Men. After receiving and reading the book, we had to talk to him as we learned he had scripted his experiences with women and marriage and sent it to the press. With chapters that will resonate in the depths of your psyche, Dixon leaves no room for question in this in-depth chronicle of his personal struggles with being a husband after unapologetically “ho”ing. His message is true and the best part, perhaps, is his willingness to share his thoughts and emotions with raw honesty. We had the chance to explore Dixon’s thought process and it’s reminiscent of long chats with an older brother who will never steer you in the wrong direction. No questions go unanswered without brutal candor that cannot be argued – it’s no wonder people would seek the ‘Relationship Beast’s’ opinion. It’s foolproof and simple enough to apply to your love life. Many topics are worthy of discussion, so, please take a look and share your thoughts below! To read the first part of our interview with Mr. Dixon, click here! For part 2, click here!
Bossip: So, let’s touch on the emotional instability of men that you talk about in you book.
Dixon: Some men, who are emotionally unstable, go into this zone where they’re not thinking, they’re not feeling and they’re not understanding how they’re impacting or affecting other people. They’re just acting. And that’s why some of us lose it or go crazy because we keep our issues to ourselves, you know? Women can go to their mothers, their sisters, friends and cry, vent, express themselves and feel better but men fee like they don’t have a platform for that. Not only do we not want to share, we also believe that our friends don’t want to hear it.
Bossip: Hm. That’s interesting. Now, in your book you talked about your father’s emotional instability which led to his resenting your mom, you and your siblings. What advice would you give to a man who’s feeling “trapped” or harboring resentment towards his wife, the mother of his children or his kids?
Dixon: It’s not manly. I don’t really know how to else to say that. There’s no sugar-coating this. A lot of men don’t understand the responsibility of being – well, for starters, a lot of men don’t know what a man is! As a man, his number one responsibility is his family, period. That is what a man is. A man is responsible for his family – protection, security, safety, stability, financially – all those types of things. My wife doesn’t worry about any of that at all and I wasn’t taught that! There was no one to teach me that. No one! My dad was in prison and my stepfather was crazy, there was no one around. It took me being blessed and saying to myself, “ I have to figure this out.” It took me saying, “okay, I am not successful at relationships,” I had to accept that. That’s another thing that men do, men think they’re good with relationships and they say, “oh, it’s the woman,” or, “it’s 50/50, we both have problems.” No! I had to admit that I was not successful at relationships but I was good at other things. Professionally, I wasn’t going to loose and it wasn’t until I adopted the same attitude and applied it to my relationships that I became successful in my marriage.
Bossip: In your book, you talked about a situation where you were stringing two women along. The story was pretty funny, but, one of the women you were pretty serious about, right? We’ve all had that person who would have been a great match but the time wasn’t right. In your opinion, how important is timing?
Dixon: Mm. Well, I was emotionally unstable at the time. Cleo was her name and she shouldn’t have dated me, she knew who I was. There are too many women who know exactly where the man is, but they still continue to date him — he’s not going to change, he’s not going to be better. Women need to understand that a man is always going to do what’s best for him. You never have to tell a man to do what’s best for him or not to compromise this or sacrifice that because he’s not going to —
Bossip: That’s selfish. Are you saying that men are selfish by nature?
Dixon: Oh, absolutely! We are selfish by nature especially when to comes to relationships. We have to learn how to share and put other people first. Women kind of get that naturally, it’s nothing. It’s a motherly instinct and a natural inclination for women to want others to be happy. Women want their girlfriends to be happy! I get e-mails all the time from women about their girlfriends situations, I don’t get any e-mails from dudes about their homeboys … ever. We don’t care about each other like that to talk about those type of things. For women, it’s natural to put others before herself but for men it’s learned. I tell men all the time, when you’re in a relationship, there are certain things you have to do and a lot of men just don’t want to do them! Men have to be responsible! Men have to understand that you have to maintain your respect for your wife and she has to respect you! You can’t lose your respect. She doesn’t respect you and you have a problem because of the things that you do! You have to take responsibility for your actions. You’re running around making mistakes as if you’re single and still want her to respect you? For what? That’s not how manhood works. If she doesn’t respect you, then doesn’t respect your manhood and she won’t follow your leadership.
Bossip: Wow, true!
Dixon: But let’s get back to women, though. What kills me about women is this: I talked to a woman yesterday who was dating a man who made very clear to her that he was separated from his wife, he wanted his wife back and if she were to call him today, he would go back to her. And her response was, “I don’t know what I’m going to do if you go back to your wife.” But a man would never accept that! If a woman told a man, “if my husband calls me today, I’m going back to him.” He would be like, “okay. I’ll holler at you another time,” or it would just be a sex thing.