Sextra: Let’s Spark that Lovin’ Feelin’!

- By Bossip Staff

Happy Friday, Bossip Fam! One of our readers wrote in and asked a very simple question.

“Hello bossip. I’ve been seeing this guys for about a month and a half now and I can tell he’s attracted to me but he’s waiting for me to make the first move. I’m not trying to bed him right now but some affection would be nice. I’ll admit I’m not the easiest person to read and I don’t think I’m really giving off the “kiss me, hug me” vibes but how do I invite this kind of interaction? How do I do this when I’m used to men taking the lead?”

In the beginning stages of a blossoming romance, it’s hard to gauge when the time is right or if it’s appropriate. Then, in some cases, it can be a little awkward for someone like the writer who’s not, in her words, “the easiest person to read.” A lot of times, one’s body language can be off-putting and fails to project an invitation for affection. Rejection is something no one likes to deal with, so, pay attention to your body language. It’s a learning process for both parties involved but there are a few ways to “break the ice” and encourage romantic exchanges! It might not be all the fireworks and sparks that you pictured and anticipated but you can certainly make strides to reach that point. So, lovely, here are few ways to jump start your romance.

Be Open – Remember, regardless of what you say, body language speaks for 80 percent of what comes out of your mouth! So, when you’re engaged in conversation, be open! Meaning, don’t cross your arms or turn your front body away from him – it closes you off! Lean in toward him and give him good, sturdy eye contact. This says you’re paying attention, you’re comfortable and willing to receive his advances.

Never Forget the Power of Touch – people just don’t touch each other enough. Sometimes a gentle brush on his back or a grazing of his neck, ears and the back of his head will be all you need to do to get him to make his move! Since it is still fresh, try and avoid his face … this is where everything sensory lies. Even though his eyeball may fall victim to a loose eyelash, ask permission to remove it! Some people don’t like their faces touched without warning, so ask. And remember to be gentle, you want him to want more so don’t make it reminiscent of his mom’s picking and prodding throughout his childhood!

Create the Environment – setting the mood for affection is key in firing up your romance! The next time you invite him over, dim the lights and light some candles. Greet him with a tight hug when he enters and help him out of his jacket. Present a platter of fruits and cheeses and wine for munching. Make the environment cozy enough so that it won’t be so awkward when you sit closer to him and hug up on him. Set the mood for some sexiness!

Make it a Movie Night – there’s nothing more simple than a movie night. Give him a call and suggest that you take a trip to Blockbuster. You pick a movie and have him pick one! From this point on, all you need is popcorn, a couch, a warm blanket and two sets of warm arms … share them! That’s what they’re there for!

Cook for Him – okay dear, we’ll assume that you’re a master chef! Next time you make plans with him, ask him what he has a taste for or have him text / e-mail to you. Have him over and ask him to help you prepare it – let him sample it hot from the pot or feed him a small mouthful. “Mmmmm, you like that don’t you, shugah?” Have some soft music playing and playfully dance with him around the kitchen.

Communicate – listen, Ma! Here’s the deal, there’s nothing wrong with opening your mouth and expressing what you want! You have nothing to lose and all you want to gain! What’ so wrong with saying, “I want to kiss you.” Or, “can I get a hug?” Or, open up the dialogue and say, “hey, I know I’m not the easiest person to read but I want you to know that I’m attracted to you and I’ve been wanting to kiss you.” Or the next time you hook up, ask him simply “do you mind if I sit closer to you” and chances are he’ll say, “no, not at all. Please come closer!” And the rest is history!

Don’t be scared, ma! If the attraction is mutual then it’ll will flow naturally once it is ignited. Sounds like you’re dealing with a gentleman who possesses the trait of restraint. Woman up and make move! Worst case scenario, he rejects your advances and you’ll move on, BUT that’s highly doubtful! So, loosen up and have some a good time with this guy! It’ll be fun! Don’t be scared, sis! Don’t be scared!

What do you think Bossip Fam? Please share your thoughts below!

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  • if anything be noble

    Sorry chile but if he hasn’t hugged you after a month and a half….

    • Kyra

      OMG ,My friend Vanessa, a 32 yrs lady, has announced her wedding with a man Ronald who is the CEO of a MNC. It’s amazing, she said she just posted her profile on an inte’rr’cial d’ating s’ite called
      ~Bl ackw hiteC upid / Co m ~ – and received his chat invitations a few days later. Then, everything went so well that I can’t believe it’s true! Every lo’ve st’ory will unfold on it’s own—
      get closer to your brother or your ph balance is off.

  • 2011Newbie

    Dang!!! I’m kind of new to this site. Is everybody a cynic?!?! I thought the advice was pretty cool. I’ve been in this situation myself but never felt compelled to write a website about it. I could understand how a girl would need some support taking the lead!! Shoot!! Rejection hurts and I can relate to her apprehension. In fact I like the idea of dacning in the kitchen, I’ll have to try that this weekend with my boo!!!




  • IKnowRite

    (rolling my eyes)

    This is so dumb, that I’m not even going to respond to it.

  • grayonce

    Hahahaha @ REAL

  • nymphis

    if he ain’t touched you in a month either he tryin to get closer to your brother or your ph balance is off.

  • Teach

    I’m old fashioned too and was never the first to make a move. I won’t lie he is probably trying to decide between 2 girls, but be patient and don’t rush things. Even if it takes him 3 months like it did my husband now, give him the time and space to make that decision. Yes, I dated my husband for 3 months without ever touching him and it made for a better relationship after we broke the ice because we knew what we wanted and not just based on sex.

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