Dear Gay Best Friend,
I know that you hate long letters, so I will try and keep this two year saga short. I began a sexual relationship with my uncle two years ago. I was 26-years old and he was 45-years old. He was in prison for about 18 years. I visited him every weekend from age 11 until I was about 24-years old. I believe that for a while we were in love with each other (I’ve heard the saying that you can’t help who you love, but….).
He initiated the relationship and I, knowing that I would lose my uncle and cause some major drama if I told anyone what was going on, kept it quiet. About a year in, I couldn’t take him disrespecting and using me anymore, especially lying to me about loving me. He kept lying about his feelings for me even after times he told me he just wanted to have sex with me and that he didn’t want to mess around anymore. He would always come back and say he loved me and missed me. I knew it wasn’t true, but because I still loved him in a romantic way, I allowed it. Now that was my fault.
After a big family blow-up, in which he denied the affair even happened and called me a crazy lying bitch, (which I know now that he was trying to keep his girlfriend whom he was about to have a baby with), he finally came out and said the truth about us. He apologized to me. I was hurt and upset that my favorite uncle that watched me grow up could treat me in this way and that I allowed it. I was angry. Sorry doesn’t fix everything. My family stated that my uncle and I should try and repair our relationship. Honestly, I wasn’t ready for that, and as of yet it hasn’t happened. Mainly because after that family blow-up and a 4-month or so hiatus we began seeing each other, again. He went on lying to our family and his girlfriend and to me. Telling me that no matter what he would never stop seeing me, he misses me all the time, etc. I stopped the relationship after Christmas and told him to stop calling and texting me.
My issue is that my family doesn’t know that we began again and can’t understand why I don’t want to be around him or his girlfriend, her four other kids and their baby. I know this man doesn’t care about me and I don’t believe he ever did. He did more to suit himself than he ever did to be an uncle to me. Especially, after apologizing to me and then calling me only for sex. I feel he is not my uncle and I don’t know who he is. Am I wrong for not wanting to be involved with family functions in which he will be in attendance? Is this whole thing my fault? – Division In My Family