Can the Love Last Once Trust Has Been Broken?

- By Bossip Staff

Good day, Bossip Fam! Here’s to another ‘Almost There Thursday!’ One of our readers, who would like to remain anonymous, sent an e-mail about his current relationship. He described a few incidents that have taken place in the last few months that have him questioning whether he wants to continue the relationship. In short, he discovered his girlfriend of four years cheated on him, swore she would never do it again and asked him to forgiver her and stay with her. After some time, he decided to work on their relationship but is having trouble trusting her for obvious reasons, but more so than that, he feels that the love he’s lost will never be the same.

Now, as hard as it may be, many couples have been faced with the same issue and have found a way to rebuild their relationship or marriage after infidelity. But, as you can imagine, it’s a process to regain one’s trust once it’s been violated on such an intimate level. Leaving the person who’s been cheated upon wondering: what did I do? What’s he/she have that I don’t? Was he/she better than me in the bedroom? And the list continues. No one can really articulate the pain and betrayal that stems from cheating but it cuts deep. While some people have found ways to get over such hurt, the question remains: does the love die forever or can it grow stronger?

We asked a few of our readers and here’s what they had to say!

I think that cheating is the ultimate betrayal. I don’t want any man messing around with my lady. If my woman is silly enough to do something like that, then she better not ever let me find out. I would never be able to touch her again. I feel like this, if she was thinking about it and wanting to step out and do her own thing then she had ample time to come and talk to me about where she was feeling like she lacked in our relationship, you know what I mean? There’s no need to cheat if you have the option to leave so why the drama? That’s just how I see it. – Guy, 31

I’ve actually tried to forgive a man for cheating on me and it never worked out after that. Every time he went somewhere – to work, to the gym, to his mama’s house – I was paranoid. After that I always felt like he was up to no good. I couldn’t trust him anymore and once the trust is gone, what do you have? You can’t love someone you don’t trust and as much as I thought I loved him, whenever I felt like he was creeping I hated him and I often contemplated vengeful cheating but what would that prove? It just wasn’t salvageable at that point so it was best to end things. – Marie, 29

Hell no! If my wife is cheating, I’m out, no ifs, and or buts. I can’t even visualize my wife getting sexed by another man. I would never recover. I’ll take care of the kids but she would be served with some papers. That is so disrespectful. That’s all I got to say on that. – James, 33

See, I have a different approach to this situation and my friends think I’m crazy. But if I were married and had a husband, as long he’s taking care of home there’s nothing we can’t work through. Men have been cheating since the beginning of time and this is something that happens to men. They have a penis which renders them weak for the p*ssy – especially the new kind. I’m not stupid but as long as the jumpoff don’t get wife treatment, I don’t care. All I know is her better think twice because I’m capable of doing the same, you feel me? I mean, of course it would hurt but we got business to handle – the house, the cars, the kids – and as long as all those things are in line, we can work it out. – Renee, 27

It’s a different kind of love at that point. It’s a deeper love. It takes you places because you’re reevaluating the relationship and you’re weighing out if what’s left of the trust is worthy of the love. And if you should decide to stay, then you know that trust is out of the equation. The deeper question is: do I trust myself enough to love this person despite their actions. This comes after over 30 years of marriage and there were some rough years … years! It get to point were can no longer base your marriage on trust, it’s all love. – Deb, 51

What are your thoughts, Bossip Fam? Please share them below!

Remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • daisy jay

    As much as I despise cheating, I think it sort of depends on the situation. If there’s a couple that’s been together for a minute and one of them just cheats because they think they can, then a relationship like that is officially dead. Now there are some circumstances with married couples who go through REALLY bad times and their anger gets the best of them, then they do something as stupid as cheating. I would never do so, but I feel that if the person is genuinely sorry for what they did, there might be another chance. Forgive, but never forget because if you forget, you will never learn from past mistakes. I’m trying not to speak personally right now, but I guess I should. If I was with somebody and they cheated on me, they’re done. I’m a scorpio and I hold grudges. As cliche as this may sound, once you cross me, you’re done. If I loved somebody, I would never work up the nerve to cheat on somebody just because “things got rough”. A true and strong person sticks it out and deals with it. A real woman/man doesn’t seek false affection to mend the pain. JMO, folks.

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    • clinique

      As a fellow Scorpio I feel you.

  • http://www.thisisnewstome.com lani3000

    Yes. Its rough though. We all need to forgive at times, and give the opportunity to show growth.

    • resurrected

      True but a lot of people never grow after cheating.

  • and ur point is?

    i like Guy’s response…

  • Sa.s.sy24

    For me no, but there are some marriages and relationships that survive cheating, and even producing a child out of it.

    • Glok ..King of di Bajan Dem !!!

      CHEATING CAN NEVER OVER POWER LOVE …LOVE IZ THE STRONGEST FEELING EVER CREATED!

  • sexygrandmom

    I could never forgive infidelity.When we take our marriage vowels before God that means your body belongs to only me.That would be a hurt i could never get over.

  • REAL REAL TALK

    WELL I PUT IT 2 YALL LIKE THIS IF YOU NO HE OR SHE IS A H?OE JUST GET A QUICK N?UT AND LET GO????

    REAL REAL TALK

    • mone

      word from a wise mouth! With u 100%!

  • JustAshley

    I’m like a man when it comes to my relationships. If you cheat- I’ll never touch you again. Its like someone violated the “other half” of ME and ‘ll be dayumed if ‘m gonna put up with that kind of bull.

    I think if the other person admits they cheated the relationship can move forward. It has been in my experience that men NEVER admit cheating. Why? I’m not sure. Its like they can’t even admit to themselves how big of a douchebag they are…

    • Glok ..King of di Bajan Dem !!!

      WHY YOU LYING IF THAT NI.GGR DIGGING YOUR GUTS OUT EVERYNIGHT AND ONE DAY CHEATS ,…YOU GOING TO LET THAT OTHER CHICK GET WHAT YOU BEEN GETTING EVERYNIGHT MAKING YOU CREAM IN PURE EXTASY???
      GTFOH!!!

    • JustAshley

      @Glok

      Women with that mentality are stupid and thats why these dudes be laughin as ya’ll compete with each other dyck like a pack of hungry dogs. LMAO!
      Dyck is dyck and its everywhere baby. If that guy makes you c.um hard the next guy can make you c.um harder. Get ya mind right!

    • YUCK!!!

      @Glok……
      In DC, you are what girls around the way would call a dirty d!ck nigg@…. You would get NO action from fly pretty girls, only geeked out boppers fall for your type! You come across as a bama that stay’s up in the FREE CLINIC! You probably got a bottle of pills on deck right now, just in case your sh!t start itchin! So GTFOH…. trying to comment on real relationships…when clearly… all you do is beat your d!ck and F#ck dirty azz ol’ anything type chicks!

  • Tm30

    I’m about being honest. As an adult if you feel the relationship isn’t working to the degree you need it to, you need be man or woman enough to tell that person before you cheat. Some people can get through this but it changes things. As for myself, my devotion would no longer be there. Therefore, I could care less about making the relationship work. Trust and love go hand in hand. If I can’t trust a person I can’t love them the way I’m supposed to. We would be nothing more than roommates.

  • lb

    I was in a relationship where the trust was gone for a long time, I stuck it out and all it did was build-up resentment. He aint happy and I’m not happy.

  • JaZzIe91

    wow Renee is a dumb b*tch. #GetAClue

  • Lala

    @ Renee dats real kewt how u put da house & da car before ur Kids SMH u wud take anything 4 money obviously ur kids will suffer b/c of ur behavior #sad

    • G.M.

      lol…cosign

  • himdownstairs

    No. Kick rocks!

  • 1king

    Lollololol in what world can you tell your girl or your wife that you want to break up with her so you can sleep with other women lololol. That is a bunch of crap. She will destroy you or try to destroy you lol. All y’all talk in this calm crap get 2 or 4 years in he’ll get 8 months and see what happens then. Y’all crazy lol. Women are the most possive creatures on the planet. Men cheat somtimes and it don’t really be about nuttin. Guys jus might wanna stab for gp. I’m not saying it’s right but long as you don’t get caught no harm no foul I guess. Women cheat sorry double standard y’all are considered hoes. It’s not really in y’all nature. Lol don’t do everything the guys do. We are low by nature y’all are our better halves.

    • Curious Misses

      Actually, men are not “low by nature”. You can either choose to be low or choose to be a man.

      By saying you are low, that implies that you have no concept of self worth. I do not want a man who doesn’t know his worth and his rightful place in this life.

      You are here to protect and guide, not hopscotch from p*u*ssy to p*u*ssy.

  • JustAshley

    Your rant obviously speaks to your midset. Either you are or have been the side hoe or you are a guy with side hoes. Either way- your mentally and emotionally bankrupt and just plain fycked. Glad I’m not you.

  • Getem

    Oh my @ that picture.

  • jdmann

    Love won’t last but money, sex, family, stability, some of the other things that go into a relationship can.

  • http://leesenick@yahoo.com Rere

    I was engaged to this guy I thought everything was good, but appearantly it wasn’t. He cheated and I broke it off 2 weeks b4 we were to get married. People thought that I should’ve stayed with him bcos he had a very good job and made good money, but if I can’t trust you then why do I need to be with you…..and plus my life is sooooo precious to me I’m NOT trying to die from HIV/AIDS(or catch anything)….BCOS I LOVE ME SOME ME.

  • Glok ..King of di Bajan Dem !!!

    HOW ASH? ,..THE TRUTH HURTS HUH? I KNOW YOU DONE FUK UP MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS IN THAT PAST I CAN TELL CUZ THE 1ST THING YOU WANNA DO IZ BRAKE UP,…FOR YOU TO CALL ME RANTING WHEN ALL IM DOING IZ TELLING THE TRUTH SPEAKS VOLUMES OF YOU !

  • Dwen

    after cheating and the other spouse finds out the love is never the same because it has been tainted, like dripping black paint in white paint. After going through this personally it made me a stronger person and even though i could do as well i haven’t. the sad thing is i was actually putting it down as a husband father and provider but now she does.

  • JA GURL

    ITS A MESSED UP CHOICE TO MAKE BUT ITS LIKE THIS….IF IT HAPPEN 1 TIME MAYBE JUST MAYBE FORGIVNESS IS IN ORDER…BUT AFTER THAT ITS GOODBYE..BUT THE PERSON WHO CHEATED NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE TRUST ISSUE IS ALWAYS GONNA BE A QUESTION,AND EVEN THOUGH ITS WRONG VENGENCE TOWARD THE OTHER PERSON AND EVEN TOWARD YOUR PARTNER IS ALWAYS GONNA BE ON YOUR MIND…BUT IF THE LOVE IS STRONG THEN YOU CAN WORK THRU IT..,.

  • resurrected

    Most of the time no unless the person who broke the trust understand there actions enough to correct there mistake. Even after that it is really on the person who got hurt because we already see the person who was doing the betraying was just not give a fk.

  • resurrected

    It is very sad how women in this country are taught to treat themselves unhealthy all for the personal gain of a man. A woman can be strong enough to walk away but what good does that do you when 75% of men will still cheat. I was reading the statistic of infidelities around the world and the US has the highest rate of 73% while other countries and 5% and lesser and to me that says a lot about our culture and where we live at.

  • uptowngirl

    No…if I can’t trust you we have to go our separate ways.

  • Curious Misses

    Yes, I believe you can still love your mate, but not to your highest potential.

    I agree with Guy’s statement. There is no reasonable excuse for cheating. You either state your concerns about the relationship and try to work it out or leave. That’s what adults do.

  • BE

    Cheating hurts so don’t do it.

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