Dear Bossip: I Hate His Mother!

- By Bossip Staff

Bossip I love my man but I hate his mom!! I don’t know what to do about it because I feel like I’m losing the battle. I’ve been with my man for about 6 months and I know we’re going to be together forever but his mom is in the way!!! I realize that we haven’t dated long but we have fallen head over hills in love with each other and she just won’t accept that. We are both grown so she should trust our judgment and not be so negative. I know she feels touched behind our age difference because he’s 7 years older than be but like I said we’re both grown and at 28 I feel like I’m mature enough to make my own decisions that are RIGHT FOR ME!!! When he took me to her birthday party he said she was excited to meet me but when we got there she was very cold and standoffish and I could feel her eyes on me from a mile away and from that point on I knew that she didn’t like me. When we left the party I told her that I’d see her soon and she said we’ll see or something like that I took it to heart and told my man how upset it made me. He said that she’s just really protective over him and that she’ll warm up to me but that has yet to happen!!! When he brought her over his place for a bbq we were having she was making faces at me and so I know exactly what to do to get under her skin so I was rubbing his chest and kissing on him in front of her and she almost lost it and left early lol!! After that she said I was no longer welcome at her house and it’s made my man upset. This isn’t the first time a mans’ mother has been unkind to me lol but she needs to stay in her place and stop being jealous of me and her son because she’s not fu*cking him!!! I’m really starting to hate this lady because she’s trying to drive a wedge between us!! How do I get her out of out life??

Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So, you’re tying to figure out a way to remove your boyfriend’s mother from your lives? You serious? Trying to remove a mother from her son’s life is like trying to count the stars in the sky … never going to happen! Please realize that his very reason for being can only be accredited to the woman that you hate but he so dearly loves. At least, be thankful to her for birthing your man? And what makes you think she’s jealous of you hugging, him, kissing, him and loving him? Most, if not all, mothers want their sons to choose a good woman to be their wives and mother to her grandbabies! So, surely you can understand her concern, no? You might have made a point when you said that you’re losing this battle because it’s rare that a man will choose a woman over his mother and you can’t forget who came first! Something to think about.

Secondly, it’s not cute to be raunchy or overly provocative in front of his mother! At some point it becomes disrespectful and, worse yet, tacky! Same principle is applied to women, no man would have the guts to feel his lady up in front of her father, and if he did, would Pops be readily accepting of this guy? No! Any mother would hate to think that her son has fallen for a “tramp” and if you’re displaying tramp-like behavior just to spite her, then you can’t blame her for her apprehensions! Not only do your actions show that you’re not willing to try and build a relationships with her, they’re also the precursor for division. Just like you feel she has the potential to drive a wedge between you and your “man” she could very well be frightened behind the thought of you doing the same! Think, Ma!

So, here’s the deal. This woman knows her son better than you do in terms of his character and history, so you should be smart about this. His mother may have hang-ups for reasons that have nothing to do with you and that you may know nothing about. Maybe she knows her son well enough to know that he’s making the same mistakes he’s made in the past. Maybe this is his mode of operation – falling for women too fast. Or maybe, just maybe, she feels like you lack the maturity that’s necessary to be taken seriously as a long term partner. Bottom line is this, there’s a reason for her skepticism and if you were smart about it, you would be trying to make her friends list and do all you can to find out why she’s not feeling you and quell her worries. In fact, the fact that there are many mothers who have had a problem with you, have you ever wondered why? If you really love your man, you would go out of your way to make sure that he’s comfortable when you and his mother are in the same space. Plus, he’ll love you that much more if he knows that you made a genuine effort to get to know his mom! Be smart, sis! Be smart and good luck to you!

What are your thoughts, Bossip Fam? Please share your thoughts below!

Remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to loveandrelationships@bossip.com!

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Comments

  • REAL REAL TALK

    AND WHY IS THAT BECAUSE SHES THINKS U A H?OE????

    REAL REAL MOMA HATES ME TALK

  • http://bossip randi

    You can tell a mamma’s boy wrote the response to this letter. It was dead on point tho.

    • What The French???

      I was going to say the opposite like a mother with a son or two wrote this response 🙂 It was on on point tho!! Nothing else needs to be said as far as I’m concerned!

  • God's_Angel

    Why is this not the first mom that didn’t like you? Maybe it’s not the moms…maybe it’s you?

  • ReeRee

    As a woman whose mother in law has hated me from the day she found out her son and I were getting married, I say f*ck that b*tch! Most of these mothers are like that because their son has taken the place (in THEIR) minds of the husband. It’s sick and twisted, but they would prefer the son to need no other woman but them. Hell, that’s why black men are so f*cked up today. Their mothers do everything for them, treating them like they are their husbands, and then when it comes time to go out in the real world, these ni99as don’t have a clue as how to be a REAL man and take care of their family. All they know how to do is make babies and make excuses for not paying child support. For every sorry a$$ ni99a out there, there is a dumb a$$ overbearing momma behind him. Btw, it happens in all races, so I’m not being racist. Just talking about my own community. There are some brothas out there who are not in that way, but I’m not going to be fighting over slim pickings, so I married outside of my race….and so happy I did because my man takes care of his family and doesn’t make excuses!

    • lilbabiphat2004

      Girl…..ummm ummmm all i can say if 100% AGREE!!!!

    • JustAshley

      WTH? She’s been with dude for 6 MONTHS and she KNOW their gonna be together forever?? Sounds immature.
      Second, the fact that she went all over the top with PDA in front of his mother is another sign of immaturity.
      *
      Sounds like mom is right in this instance.

    • JustAshley

      @ReeRee

      Sorry, that wasn’t even supposed to be inside your blog. I actually agree with what you have to say, especially since you are his wife.

    • sheila

      You probably had to marry out of your race. I disagree with you on why black men are having problems in society. It’s women like you who are the problem. You are a very low person and who else would want you. I happen to love my black brothers and would not trade them for nothing and I’m very happy to you that you will not be around to further corrupt their minds. You sleeping with the enemy will benefit us all.

  • Allie

    Monster-in-law anyone? lol but i agree with the response, and maybe she gives off a certain vibe, that’s why when i was reading this i asked myself what this woman looks like

  • WithAllHonesty

    You’re crazy and immature. 6 months and you guys are going to be together forever? Why do something to get under mom’s skin? You have now went from a total innocent victim to a crazy immature “b!tch.”

    Yes, she was wrong for being cold and making faces (that you were most likely imagining due to your own insecurities because she didn’t instantly give you a warm welcome). But now everyone at the BBQ sees you as the immature clingy, overly touchy feely younger girlfriend who has no respect for elders. You’re losing. The whole family is about to turn on you and with only 6 months in the bag you’re done for.

    Everyone will be telling him you’re not mature enough for him, you’re moving too fast, and with people already disliking you nothing will turn out and if it does it’ll end divorce. We men like peace in our relationships.

    • Tammi

      Exactly, who does that. I understand some mothers see their son’s as THEIR man. But, I don’t see this being the case.

  • Cris

    Show her respect for being his mom but dont take no B.S. from her-works for my monster in law

  • anonymous

    if im correct your 7 years older than your boyfriend which would make him about 21 so yes she should hate you. he’s still young and has alot of life to live. you are 28 and has much more maturity over him. she is concerned about her son’s decision making skills and you possibly taking advantage of him. it also appears that you don’t make the best decisions either. you need a grown man and not someone just barely out of high school. let the boy live his life because this will not work out in the end regardless of his mother’s opinion of you.

    • Mc Hammer

      Please read, she said that he is 7 years older than her, which makes him 35. I take it you’re not a detective and you’re probably a female because like most females they don’t listen. That’s probably why his moms don’t like this chick he’s with.

  • Allie

    @anonymous: if i’m not mistaken i think he is actually seven years older than she is

  • Nydia C.Baña

    JUST POURED MY WHOLE HEART FROM MY SOUL, SUBMITTING ALL MY DEEP THOUGHTS TO THIS SITE ABOUT MY HORRENDOUS EPISODE WITH MY IN LAW JUST TO REALIZE LATER THAT IT WAS NEVER RECORDED.fo-get u!

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  • CAT EYES

    You have been in her son’s life for six months,hell,some people have underwear older than that,and you’re already saying you two will be together forever??…i think you’re cuckoo and the mother sees it…….
    The fact that you were so disrespectful to make sexual overtures to him in front of his mothers shows your character…i guess the other mothers hated you for the same reason..No one is saying you have to love a man’s mother but you must RESPECT her if you want him to respect you..believe it or not,a man thats close to his mother will always use her character as a viewpoint for the woman he chooses in life….

    • Sa.s.sy24

      I agree

  • nursedred

    He’s gonna dump her that’s so sad.

  • Greeneyedbandit

    She’s very disrespectful,and childish.I bet she full of drama too! He betta drop that Hoodrat like she hot,before she come up pregnant.

  • Uhh Yeah Ok™

    6 months? I find that display of affection to get under her skin at the BBQ petty. It’s his mother, she doesn’t have to like you at 6 months. Eventually if the relationship works out and you both prove your relationship she’ll get over it or you get over it- you can’t please everybody.

    • Tammi

      Wait she’s 28 and she thinks its cool to feel her man in front of this mother. I have a son(19 months) and let some “women” (in the future) do that in front of me. Its a wrap on her. Chickens these days I’ll tell ya…smh

  • Nikki

    Gurl stop it! Dont do tacky stuff! You know some men and their mama. If you just want to piss her off tell her about your awesome mom! My now mother inlaw did that mess and when she met my charming gracious classy mom she shrank!

  • Real TALK

    My monster-in-law does not like me and the feeling is mutual after 21 years! I show up for the events I want and disregard the rest. She was never married but had kids. I think it’s jealousy. I work, go to school and never a compliment or show of concern. Still waiting for her to acknowledge my Master’s degree. I’m not holding my breath – its her loss. If I were an undereducated baby mama with two kids she would like me much better.

  • 2Sweet

    This chick has triffling written all over her. After 6 months, together forever? What 28 year old thinks that way? Secondly, PDA at a family gathering? Hell nah. Mom is right…you probably look like the neighborhood tosser. He should get rid of you, for real.

    • 2Sweet

      As I was reading this, I was imagining this bytch wearing neon leggings with a 3 month old quick weave.

  • Greeneyedbandit

    @2sweet,lmao.

  • Tm30

    First off, you’re never going to get her out of your life. She’s his mother! From the letter, the mother may have reason to feel the way she does. You flat out disrespected his mother by hugging up on her son. And shes not any better with actions either. I think the two of you are more alike than not. You’re two of a kind and that’s why you’re clashing. Momma was probably jus like you when she was younger. Now with that said there are some monster in laws out there. And if you’re not willing to kiss behind and jump threw hops you will come into a lot of problems.

    • Tm30

      Plus, don’t bring this to your man, it’s only going to create problems and make you check him. From experience men either don’t see the things women do or they play dumb.so you’ll get very little help there.

  • Murray Ella, Ella-Eh!

    1. Nothing (& no relationship) lasts forever;

    2. One’s mother is due respect (which u clearly lack) just for bringing the man u love into this world & for grooming him into the person/being u have come to love so much;

    3. You must not have much respect (or had/have a good relationship) with your OWN mother;

    4. Your actions & words–clearly–indicate u are young-minded, foolish, & ignorant…with “definite ho-like tendancies.” Why would any mother like u or want u to be with their son? (I mean, seriously!!!)

    Perhaps YOU should take a long, hard look in the mirror, young miss!!!!!! (U’ve said so urself, his mother is not the first mother to dislike u. Hmmmmm!) Ur alienating the wrong people if u wanna get in good with ur mister & keep him!)

  • http://BOssip Caramel Peach

    They are grown his mama need to step off and let him be

  • anon

    When I was reading the letter I thought to myself she’s immature, who writes its only 6mos but we’re going to be together forever lol. And instead of trying to get the mom to warm up to you, you acting a fool at the BBQ. The relationship is dead because it’s too new for his mom not to like you

  • Miimii

    Personally, I went through my finance’s mother not liking me for a while, it’s hard. BUT you have to try to get along with her still! We went through a time where she refused to talk to him unless he left me, well needless to say he said no b/c he cared about both of us. Now she calls me before she will call him lol. Its a process of her getting used to you being in the picture. She told me that what made her Love me was that I didnt give up on us when the hard times hit, and I continued to show her respect. Once she saw I was down for him, it made her realize that we are more alike than we thought. OO and PDA in front of the mom who doesnt like u just made your situation worse! you gotta understand its a package deal, if he doesnt respect his mother then he is not worth your time.

  • Denise

    My comments it that mother-in-laws need to stay in there lane my boyfriend mother was nice at first then she became betrayal to me I took her anywhere gave her anything and when she saw that her son was started to love me she started to get different woman for him so the war was on I just left her alone and went about my business because Im am a woman and there is a 10 yr diff between us but I love him and he loves me so when she ready to be nice I do the same cause I love my man and hes not going anywhere and neither am I so mother-in-law Im here to stay either love me or dont my life will still go on and so will yours have a bless day

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