For Discussion: How To Let A Man Be A Man

- By Bossip Staff

Ladies, let me ask you all a question: What makes a man a man? Because of several factors, namely a lack of father figures, it seems as if we have scores of young ladies and even grown women who really don’t know the answer to this question.

I was writing in one of my favorite cafes when a young woman got my attention after complimenting me on my kinky twists. We bonded on a mutual love of Whitney Houston (pre “crack is whack” Whitney), and chatted about one of my favorite topics- dating and gender roles. And while I could tell that this young woman was quite the catch- beautiful, educated, with a great job- I was saddened to hear how completely clueless she was about men. She admitted to doing things like chasing down men to set up dates. She even admitted to paying on dates because she didn’t want to be accused of being “selfish” or a “gold-digger.” And despite all her “efforts” she constantly found herself dating losers and was quickly becoming disillusioned with men in general. That’s when I offered some advice.

I told this woman that she was making one major mistake when dating: She was not letting men be men. What do I mean by that?

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  • KIKI

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  • Fatima

    African American boys will never be men, foreign blacks, and the White community have men. You guys are ghetto with weird names and treat your women like sh¡t. Black men from around the world come here to be doctors while you dirty idiots smoke weed all day and stalk women on the streets. Take care of your bastard kids and stop whining all the times, maybe more people will take you self hating losers seriously.

    • Q

      Fatima from the oasis in the desert?

  • Daisy Jay

    Stop with the emasculating and calm down with the feminism.

  • Daisy Jay

    I hope you know that person is probably too dumb to even comprehend the knowledge you just displayed. Just giving a heads up…

  • WithAllHonesty

    Daisy Jay
    Yeah I know…why do we even try?

  • Whatever

    Is this a joke? What man is doing all that these days ha, ha!

    • anonymous

      i don’t know what you’re talking about. my dude this for me every single time we are together and i know of many others. im not going to lie it took some time to get use to constantly having someone not allow you to open the door or pumping your gas for you but now i love it. don’t get me wrong i know that there are still good man that don’t do the gentlemanly things. my father isnt what you would consider a gentlemen but he is still a good man.

  • Ummm...who gon check me boo?

    @WithAllHonesty-Very well said…Too bad it’ll fall on deaf ears.

  • Daisy Jay

    I ask myself the same question often. I guess, us being decent and intelligent people, we’re irked by the stupid things people say on here. And no matter how much we try to resist, we fall into the trap of “correcting” them. But all the while, we know that our words won’t get through.

    Most “trolls” on here I just leave alone. But then there are certain people on here that just…grr *side eye* You get what I mean, right?

  • WithAllHonesty

    Completely. Its like I know they’re ignorant but I can’t let what they just posted ride. And other days I’m like, I’ll let somebody else check them, I ain’t got time for this bullsh!t.

  • uhh yeah ok

    Smh at the daily back and forth. Anywhoo, how to let a man be a man: just let him be 🙂 simple as that.

  • jag

    The trouble is too many men don’t know how to be men,

  • Jay

    Women in general need to learn how to be wives, women and feminine. Modern day women have a anti-male attitude, dont cook, clean, are negative and superficial. If men dont know how to be men its because the worth of women has gone down. If you open your legs to every clown in the street how much respect can men have for you. 26% of married African American (AA) women have cheated on their current partner vs. 9% of married AA men. Some women think that bringing a degree into a marriage is being a wife. Some don’t cook, clean or even know how to be wives or women.

  • Jay

    Black women cheat in marriage more then black men, so how are black men getting bashed. Black women don’t seem to value marriage as much as black men do.

  • WithAllHonesty

    Fatima mentioned African American boys and referenced African American men. Read carefully. I have respect for all unless they cross the line, and Fatima did. Now while I don’t agree with how Big Will went about arguing back, he just fought fire with fire. They were both equally disrespectful, however, he just reacted to her attack.

    Many immigrants: Latinos, Africans, and Asian don’t come correct in their interactions with African Americans and want to cry foul when they get checked. We were here before them and made means for them to get here, so where do they get off? Especially when many they’re living below the poverty line and have no education. That doesn’t meet the requirements to be an elitist.#Sorry

    Africa is one of the two homes to African Americans. Africa is the mother of so many whether they acknowledge it or not, but this all the reason to try to be united and respectful to one another. Embrace one another. Then try to focus on flaws and solutions.

  • Nana

    And to da freaks stop eating men azzhole out and let them do the eatin!

    Stop sponsoring muhfuggas, let them find a JOB n do the sponsoring!

  • DaLite

    Each of you guys have some good points but I am woman who knows how to cook, clean, and takes care of her man but what I find is that some black men don’t know how to respond to someone like me. They think I am trying to become their wife or try to walk over me. Idk maybe its because they didn’t see that at home. However, I do believe that a man should play his part in household such as manage the household money, pick up after himself, deal with car, and take out the trash. If he can meet me that far then he doesn’t have anything else to worry about.
    One more thing maybe some women are just selfish I didn’t know how to cook when I moved in with my boyfriend so I taught myself how even though he knew how to cook quite well. And I learned how to cook the meals he liked I think most women if they really care about their man and see him as a good man would do anything for them.

  • jdmann

    Women with education, good jobs etc are not always good women. The education system can make them doctors, lawyers, accountants but not wives, lovers, partners etc if anything it divides Blacks.

    • Chocolat

      MEN with education, good jobs etc are not always good MEN. The education system can make them doctors, layers, accountants but not HUSBANDS, lovers, partners etc if anything it divides Blacks. works both ways my brother. Key takeaway..stop generalizing and get to know people on an individual basis.
      Use a wise selection criteria when selecting a mate and you will find MR or MRS right!

    • jdmann

      My point is what the system does to people and Black people in particular. It’s not about gender it’s about conditioning, the system institutionalizes and it devastates the Black community.

  • Chocolat

    I know we love to bash black men or women on here! But i will like to take a few secs here and extend my gratitude to the genuinely good, wise, uplifting strong Black( of African descent) MEN AND WOMEN. Thanks for keeping that black love alive even with all the obstacles in our society.

  • Good One

    Umm I don’t think you did your research either. And there are NOT more American blacks holding college degrees than African blacks. LOL ya’ll believe those feed the children commercials? Keep sleeping on Africans. Those images are very DECEIVING. There are more Africans in college such as Camaroon, Nigeria, Namibia etc. Even in Rawanda! I know I was shocked too. And I’m American. I went to Nigeria back in December and that place looked just like America. Evrything we had, they had. They even dressed like westerners. Even my neighbor came to America from Africa and paid his way through American college in FULL with his own money. Plus their are too many Africans in my school. So thats why I tell folks to not donate money to feed the children of Africa or Clean water for africa campaigns cuz they’re all a scam. They don’ t need it!!! Many Africans are living better than the average American. Ignore it if you will but everything in sure time will show itself. Those Africans are really educated. And to Fatima, please stop cuz you sound dumb.

  • Ummm...who gon check me boo?

    Being married for some years now I’ve learned that letting a man be a man can be more than letting him pay for dates and having him call you first.It’s about loving him for who he is and not what you think you can turn him into,respecting his decisions instead of criticizing,giving him his space when he needs it,letting him deal with matters on his terms instead of dictating things,trusting him when he says he’ll handle it and knowing when to just let things go….just my 2 cents,now back to work lol.

  • Good One

    Like I stated in my other comment, all that stuff is all a hoax. Aint no African living in a shack, although some do, and people are not fighting daily genocide wars there. Its like saying, all African Americans live in the projects. You wanna see shacks here in America? Go down to Alabama and Mississippi where I’ve seen shack-like homes with actually people living in it. Fatima is obviously a troll so he/she needs to be ignored. If you saw how many Africans lived in their own country, you would be really angry, just like I was. Many of them are living good, I even drank their water when I was there and didn’t get sick. White folks keep those images in our head so blacks can stay divided all over the world. They want us to think low of each other, just as manifested by Fatima and others on this thread. White folks know aint nothing wrong with Africa. That’s why they stay up in there. And Africans are so dumb as to welcome them in with open arms…smh

  • WithAllHonesty

    Interesting…I think your qualities were taken for granted because 1.)A lot of Black men are babied beyond the ages of 18 and mama still does that for him 2.)Shaquita will do it and still allow him to treat her like garbage and not ask him to step up to the plate. 3.) Dad wasn’t around to teach him what to look for in a woman. Yes, he may have received all the love in the world from mama, but who was there to check mama’s mistake or bad behavior or validate or co sign her good qualities? He doesn’t know what a good woman is.

  • WithAllHonesty

    I compared African American men and Black male immigrants with degrees in the US. I would hope Africans had more degrees than African Americans considering they’re an entire continent of Black people and we’re a small fraction of this country.

    I’ve been to Africa. There are parts stricken with poverty and parts similar to the nice areas in the US. But to say they have a similar population of middle to upper cl@ss or their poverty is no different than here in the states is absolutely crazy. No division here, it is what it is.

    I agree, those charities are a scam because Africa and many of its countries have the resources to be a super power and help its people they just haven’t gotten their.

    • Good One

      Very true statement

  • Big Will

    I want to apologize to the Africans and the Bosip comunity for my earlyer post I was wrong I let ma anger at Fatima’s post get the best of me that’s not me

    • WithAllHonesty

      You definitely have my respect,Bruh, it happens to everybody (meself included) on here some time or another.#ApologyAccepted

      I’m finally off. Goodnight all.

    • Good One

      Totally understood. Goodnight to all 🙂

  • Fatima

    LOL Black Americans hates the truth always in denial. Oh and My mom is from Angola My dad is Brazilian I grew up here, Im speaking from experience I see FOREIGN blacks and Other races succeeding in EVERYTHING while the ones here are just lazy and expect everything to be handed to them. I’m not saying there isn’t any problems in Africa, you guy have more privileges and more fortunate but you never take advantage of the opportunity.

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