Yeah, We Said It: “Straight” Black Women with Effeminate Men — What’s the Deal?

- By Bossip Staff

If you’ve ever tuned into VH1’s “Beverly Hills Fabulous” you’ll be greeted by the flamboyancy that is Elgin Charles. This man is fierce. The reality show chronicles the daily — and often trite — happenings at the ambitious businessman’s upscale salon. Like most reality TV, the program is centered on the cast members’ personal flair. Luckily, he has more than enough. In this case we have Charles, an older African-American man, who sports purses, wears a shoulder length perfectly-coiffed wrap at all times, and switches his hips, turns his neck and whips his hair back and forth more than Willow Smith. Oh yeah, and he was married to Jackee Harry.

During one episode he meets his ex for a lunch and states he assumed she lured him there to for sex. Watching the former couple interact seemed more like catching a glimpse of two girlfriends, not lovers. While we know Black men are stereotypically portrayed as, and expected to be, the epitome of hyper masculinity — you know, natural street fighters with super-sized penises they’re happy to punish willing victims with — our men have much more to offer. Still, an effeminate, but “heterosexual”, Black man who’s in a relationship with a woman often furrows eyebrows and induces whispers.

People wonder one thing: why? What makes an attractive woman decide to nest with a man who wants to paint her — and his own — fingernails each day? Has the shortage of marriage-minded, eligible Black men led women to make the ultimate compromise of sharing her man with another brother? According to statistics less than 50 percent of Black women are married. Additionally, almost 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and the primary culprits are money matters and infidelity. Armed with the facts, some will argue wedded bliss is based on companionship and honesty, meaning it’s better to know what you’re dealing with upfront. So what if he “used to” date men? He’s not now. Who cares if he comes across as having a little “sugar in his tank”? I know the truth. If a man wants to be put a ring on it, you better say yes. Women with straight men deal with crap (like serial cheating and closet homosexuality) too, right?

Ultimately, what makes a relationship work depends on the couple…and we know it’s their business. Still when we look at women in the limelight who have effeminate mates (think Terry McMillan or Star Jones) we can’t help but question what went into that decision. Whether it was loneliness or love, a man shortage or just a good man, we must accept that each relationship has it’s own rules and expectations — and wonder what it would be like to be a fly on that couple’s bedroom wall.

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  • tron

    desperation for a good looking black man, who talks a good game and has good finances……these are things i hear most black women go on about…….they same goes for the thugs they fall for all the time and to find out they are sleeping with men too. It all boils down to low standards.

    • zenmeister


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    • JHalimah

      Good answer Zenmeister, never thought about that.

  • Judah

    I saw an interview with the both of them recently. He has female mannerisms but if you listen to what he says and how he says them in reguards to his relationship to Jackie I can see it being real. Hes an alpha man with a purse…First time I have ever seen it but hes living breathing proof.

  • WHAT

    Maybe..step closer in being with a woman?

  • Ms.Jones

    Im sorry I cant date a man who has ever been with a man or thinks about being with a man, there are no bi-sexual men in my eyes, just gay. I love gay people I support gay marriage, and I love my gay male friends but I would never knowingly date a wan who has considerded being with another man. I just cant get with that, but to each his own.

    • kidrebelny

      Pretty much….I want a thug to be frank, but he still has to handle his and have a 9-5.

    • Ms.Jones

      I dont even want a thug I just want a manly man, someone to kill the dag on spider not someone jumping on the table with me, lol.

    • Yea Yea

      @ kidrebelny

      i truly hope you’re young. 18-22. Your comment dont even make sense… a thug with a job… HAHAHAHAHA.. Grow up ma before we hear one of your stories on this site. THUG WIT A 9-5 bwahahahahahah

    • Mrs. Rance

      I KINDA got where she was coming from. Technically she doesn’t want a thug. By definition a thug doesn’t work a 9 – 5. She wants an edgy guy with a job. Maybe even a reformed thug. She wants my husband and I dont’ blame her! 😀

    • QueenyBean

      @exotica maybe she just wanted a man with a thug mentality… there’s nothing wrong with wanting the best of both worlds, hell men do! they want a hoe and a housewife, but as that happens far and few inbetween, so dont knock someone else preference… i love my tg’s (thug gentlemen)!!!!

    • SouthenJazzEBell

      @kidrebelny..I understand what ur saying. You want a man that dresses, looks, talks, and is tough but knows that jail isnt the place to be and makes sure he never goes by making legal things happen. I know this because my hubby is the exact definition. Not only does he have a college degree, he has his dealer’s license and we have a car shop/lot. So for everyone saying a “thug” or whatever cant have a job is just totally false. Another example, my big brother did a few years in prison. Wanna know where is now?!?! The owner of his own truck driving company employing other ppl.So for everyone saying that a “thug” WONT get a job really need to branch out and meet other men..SHEESSHH, some people.

  • 5150

    I see this site cannot go 1 day w/o trying to bring B.W. down…ugh

  • 7lady

    I like absolutely nothing about a feminine man. Iwould just die seeing my man using my blowdryer and flat iron. I have no friends with feminine men so this article is bogus. Now if you mean do we hang out with them or let them do our makeup at the Mac counter…yes. I don’t hav a buddy gay guy but I will let one beat my face..theyre hella good at that.

  • Tcity

    Just because someone is famous does not mean they cannot be stupid,Elgin found a good desperate woman who likes attention at any cost.Who knows she might be a man we do not know where that son came from and she acts like a flaming gay man.Elgin has money too and he might trick alot.

  • Toni

    Elin Charles is GAY stop playing. End of discussion!!!

  • sir nose

    nothing new here . during PC times, women like that were known as f*g hags.

  • sir nose

    make that LESS PC times

  • QueenLove

    Jackie’s self esteem is sooo ruined at this point…it has been so damaged.
    I feel so sorry for her. She’s not the pretty one in the crowd anymore.
    I don’t know if he’s gay, but the only thing he’s good for is hair and going shopping as a gurl-friend.

  • Michael

    The comments ought to be good for this post. I’m calling it now……150 posts. *Gets popcorn out* …

    • Michael


  • Dilla

    Here in Atlanta, these women date,marry and have kids by effeminate men like it’s the thing to do. I have never seen anything like this before coming here. It’s hell. Men look like women and women look like men.

    • Danni

      You ain’t neva lied! That’s why I don’t date down here. If they ain’t gay, then they’re the biggest h@es cuz there are so many desperate women here and Atlanta is so spread out. A man can have a woman in every county and more than one in the same city.

  • Mrs. Rance

    Liza Minelli. You are talking about celebs. I’d be willing to bet cash money that there are way more white DL dudes than black. I won’t worked with a man who was CLEARLY gay in speech and mannerisms. My jaw dropped when I went in his office and saw his wife and kids. Its not a black thing.

  • http://google lmao

    I saw him in good hair and thought he was a queen, I remember thinking he could probably make a sista happy if he was straight lols. I had no idea of who he was or that he was her ex husband. He’s a nice looking man but that laugh and persona seems fake but hollywierd is a plastic world. But he does sound like a strong take no shyt father and I respect that.

    • Tony Redds

      Yeah he is like the Frank Lucas of the

  • why

    Regardless to if he is gay or not, he is professional and takes care of his son that they have from what I read and see. What he does in his bedroom is his business not mine

  • !!!!!


  • robbie

    It is called an open relationship.

  • imtruelyme83

    I think his gay Marrrrrrrrry.(in sandra 227 voice)

  • Bloodshot Third Eye

    Maybe she’s gay and they are covering for each other? Shrug.

  • Kate

    Prince is the biggest f@g of all.

  • 223

    Any chick that can’t see this n*ggas gay is delusional and will have a hard time finding a decent mate some women are at the point of desperation I tell you

  • rene

    I like his attitude, he is cool and so is the show.

  • izzy

    Oh my… hate to sound juvenile but that picture right thurr…umm Elgin is working with quite a package. No wonder Jackee married him.

  • Janay

    Although day walker doesn’t represent the majority, the fact that any black man has these types of ideas about a black woman like him is very alarming to me. If we don’t start loving ourself more we will keep devaluing ourselves. It’s no different from a product you buy out the store. A man is more proud to have you if he knows he had to work for you or he knows you know your value. You show your value through your standards. I’ll give you an example. Many men like light skinned

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